Dr. Linkletter: It's open.
Sheldon: Hello. [Dr. Linkletter groans] I was wondering if I could have access to the lab on Sunday.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm not here on Sunday.
Sheldon: Where will you be?
Dr. Linkletter: If I tell you that, you might go there.
Sheldon: Well, I told you where I'll be: the lab.

President Hagemeyer: Okay, so, what's the problem?
Sheldon: I wanted to talk with Dr. Linkletter about puberty.
Dr. Linkletter: And I wanted to avoid litigation.

Meemaw: [on the phone] But I want to be clear, this is just one of those... Whatcha call it... Uh, platonic things. We're just having dinner.
Dr. Linkletter: I'll take it. Now, would you prefer a restaurant or some good home cooking? I make seven kinds of soup.
Meemaw: I think I'll just stick with a restaurant.
Dr. Linkletter: Fair enough, but one day, you'll try my mushroom barley, and your taste buds will swoon.
Meemaw: Good night, Grant. [starts to put down phone]
Dr. Linkletter: The secret is how long I cook the onions.

Sheldon: Too bad there's not a comic book database so I could search through it and find what I'm looking for.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, CERN has something similar. You can search a database of scientific papers.
Sheldon: But there's no database for comic books.
Dr. Linkletter: You should make one. Somewhere else.
Sheldon: Mmm, sounds like a lot of work.
Dr. Linkletter: Or does it sound like a lot of fun? Go find out.
Sheldon: Do you want to do it with me?
Dr. Linkletter: Only if you share credit, and my name comes first.
Sheldon: Never mind. [exits]
Dr. Linkletter: I knew that would work.

Mandy: [sighs] Hey. I didn't know you were here.
George Jr.: Just checking out the loot. This is amazing. Why don't all bras do this?
Mandy: Take that off.
George Jr.: Well, that's what's great: you don't have to. Look at this.
Mandy: The father of my child.
George Jr.: Ooh, nipple cream. Maybe I should've went to this party. Sounds fun.

Dr. Linkletter: How about this? Here's the key. Go nuts.
Sheldon: But I'm a minor. I require adult supervision.
Dr. Linkletter: I won't tell anyone.
Sheldon: I will. I'm quite the tattler.
Dr. Linkletter: Then you'll have to wait till Monday.

Mary: All right, please, uh, say goodbye to your husband.
Audrey: Well, you can tell him yourself. He's hiding behind that stack of tires.
[Jim emerges from behind the tires and gives Mary a little wave]
Mary: Bye.