Dr. John Sturgis: Sometimes roommates can become lifelong friends. I still exchange letters with my roommate from the mental hospital. They're written in a language he made up, but it's nice to know he cares.

Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that word "hello" wasn't used as a greeting - until the invention of the telephone?
Meemaw: Hi, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: To end a phone call, it was suggested to say, "That is all."
Meemaw: Is that all, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
Meemaw: Great. Where we going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
Meemaw: You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
Meemaw: John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else is a surprise. That is all!

Dr. John Sturgis: Connie, I need to apologize.
Meemaw: Oh, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I am worrying about it. I didn't realize that with you and I being in a relationship, me wearing your dead husband's clothes would be emotionally challenging for you.
Meemaw: All right, apology accepted.

Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that there's a type of vanilla flavoring derived from the anal glands of the North American beaver?
Meemaw: That seems like a fact you could have shared before we started eating.
Dr. John Sturgis: It isn't used very often. I understand it's difficult to, uh, milk the little sacs.
Meemaw: Cool. Okay, new topic.

Mary: [sighs] Well, I can take off work and look after y'all.
Meemaw: We're fine.
Mary: Fine? You're on the floor. What happens if you need to use the bathroom?
Meemaw: Depends.
Mary: Depends on what?
Meemaw: [chuckles] No, it's a joke.
Mandy: [laughs] I got it. [both laughing]
Mary: What's the joke? Tell me.

Meemaw: Let me lay here for just a minute.
Mandy: Can I get you some ice or something?
Meemaw: No, no, no. You've got to stay in bed. [exhales]
Mandy: Okay. Well, you look like the "I've fallen and I can't get up" lady.
Meemaw: That's because I have fallen and I can't get up. [laughs] Okay, it hurts when I laugh. [laughing]

George Jr.: Oh, that there's a real good one. You should get it. I'll ring it up.
Robert: I don't know.
George Jr.: Don't know? Whoopi Goldberg as a singing nun? What's there to think about?
Robert: I might be more in the mood for action.
George Jr.: She's on the run from the mob. You'll love it. I'll ring it up.