Dr. Linkletter: Well, it's yours, from one scientist to another, and that's my point, really. You and I... we need to stick together.
Sheldon: Why?
Dr. Linkletter: Because this university is filled with people who want to exploit our ideas.
Sheldon: That's not my experience. President Hagemeyer just offered me my own building.
Dr. Linkletter: You're being manipulated, you don't even know it. Sheldon, I've seen this a thousand times. A brilliant young mind like yours taken advantage of.
Sheldon: But isn't that what you're trying to do?
Dr. Linkletter: Absolutely not. President Hagemeyer's was a bribe. That is a gift from one peer to another. So what do you say? Are you a scientist or are you a pawn of the administration?
Sheldon: A scientist.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, you are. [chuckles] So, we have a deal?
Sheldon: Okay.

President Hagemeyer: Okay, so, what's the problem?
Sheldon: I wanted to talk with Dr. Linkletter about puberty.
Dr. Linkletter: And I wanted to avoid litigation.

Meemaw: [on the phone] But I want to be clear, this is just one of those... Whatcha call it... Uh, platonic things. We're just having dinner.
Dr. Linkletter: I'll take it. Now, would you prefer a restaurant or some good home cooking? I make seven kinds of soup.
Meemaw: I think I'll just stick with a restaurant.
Dr. Linkletter: Fair enough, but one day, you'll try my mushroom barley, and your taste buds will swoon.
Meemaw: Good night, Grant. [starts to put down phone]
Dr. Linkletter: The secret is how long I cook the onions.

Sheldon: Too bad there's not a comic book database so I could search through it and find what I'm looking for.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, CERN has something similar. You can search a database of scientific papers.
Sheldon: But there's no database for comic books.
Dr. Linkletter: You should make one. Somewhere else.
Sheldon: Mmm, sounds like a lot of work.
Dr. Linkletter: Or does it sound like a lot of fun? Go find out.
Sheldon: Do you want to do it with me?
Dr. Linkletter: Only if you share credit, and my name comes first.
Sheldon: Never mind. [exits]
Dr. Linkletter: I knew that would work.

George Jr.: Dang, it's busy in here for a weekday.
Meemaw: Social Security checks landed.
George Jr.: Hm. Getting paid just to be old... must be nice.
Meemaw: I ain't complaining.

Meemaw: So you're saying we should just give in, after what that holy-rolling Muppet has done to your whole family?
Mandy: He does look like a Muppet.

Mrs. Howard: I can't believe you would rent this filth.
Mandy: It's not filth. It's Basic Instinct.
Mrs. Howard: Well, my husband was watching it and there was a woman in there who showed her hoo-ha.
George Jr.: Yeah, she does.
Mandy: Come on, I mean, you don't see the whole thing. At most, you see a "hoo."
George Jr.: If you see the "hoo," the "ha's" right there.