Dr. John Sturgis: Regardless, zero is very important.
Sheldon: I'm not saying it isn't important. I'm just saying the little round guy ain't real.
Dr. John Sturgis: You're being silly. Zero is a number, like every other number.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah? Can you divide with it?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well... No.
Sheldon: In fact, the Greek philosopher Parmenides said, "Nothing cannot exist, because to speak of something is to speak of something that exists."
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I suppose... you could look at it that way.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, zero isn't real. [exploding sound] [wind whooshing]
Dr. John Sturgis: I feel dizzy.

Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that word "hello" wasn't used as a greeting - until the invention of the telephone?
Meemaw: Hi, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: To end a phone call, it was suggested to say, "That is all."
Meemaw: Is that all, John?
Dr. John Sturgis: No, I wanted to invite you to dinner tomorrow night.
Meemaw: Great. Where we going?
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that. It's a surprise.
Meemaw: You want to give me a clue so I'll know how to dress?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, dress as if you were going to a Mexican restaurant.
Meemaw: Oh, we're going to Puerta Roja.
Dr. John Sturgis: I can't tell you that, it would ruin the surprise.
Meemaw: John, you do realize that I'll be the one driving us there.
Dr. John Sturgis: Fine, we're going to Puerta Roja, but everything else is a surprise. That is all!

Dr. John Sturgis: See, this is why we're great together. You teach me about social etiquette, and I teach you about beaver anuses.
Meemaw: [CHUCKLES] It is magical.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know "ani" is also acceptable as the plural of "anus"?
Meemaw: And the magic continues.

Dr. John Sturgis: Did you know that there's a type of vanilla flavoring derived from the anal glands of the North American beaver?
Meemaw: That seems like a fact you could have shared before we started eating.
Dr. John Sturgis: It isn't used very often. I understand it's difficult to, uh, milk the little sacs.
Meemaw: Cool. Okay, new topic.

Meemaw: How about this... Why don't you get one of your girlfriends to find out how he feels about you.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: Because then you don't have to put yourself on the spot.
Missy: Okay. And if he doesn't like me back, I'll just keep being mean to him until he does.
Meemaw: I don't know why that works. Men are dumb.
Missy: Does that mean we're dumb for liking 'em?
Meemaw: It's not a good look for us.

Sheldon: Okay, your basic arithmetic skills are disappointing but functional.
Billy Sparks: Thank you.
Sheldon: All right, let's talk about negative numbers.
Billy Sparks: I'm all ear.
Sheldon: "Ears."
Billy Sparks: No. "Ear." This one's clogged.

Sheldon: All right, I'm given to understand you have a test coming up on negative numbers and fractions.
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
Sheldon: So, what part don't you understand? [Billy is silent] Oh, boy. Let's take it back a step. Where do you stand on addition, subtraction, multiplication and division?
Billy Sparks: I'm against it.
Sheldon: [exhales] [quietly] Oh, boy.