Missy: Makes perfect sense, they're getting divorced.
Sheldon: If they do, I'm staying with Mom.
Missy: That's fine, I'll take Dad.
Sheldon: And if he does die, you'll get the house to yourself.
Billy Sparks: You can live with us.
Brenda Sparks: Nobody's dying, nobody's getting divorced.
Billy Sparks: Except you and Dad.
Brenda Sparks: Just eat your dinner.
Missy: I wonder if our dad met another woman.
Brenda Sparks: [awkward chuckle] Nobody met nobody. You eat your dinner, too.
Billy Sparks: My dad's with another woman. She's nice.
Brenda Sparks: Dinner!
Sheldon: Which would be perfect with little chunks of hot dog in it.
Billy Sparks: Her name is Martha Jean.
Brenda Sparks: Billy!
Billy Sparks: [whispers] She works at a tanning salon.

Billy Sparks: Hello.
Herschel Sparks: Hey.
George Sr.: Hey, Billy.
Billy Sparks: Was this fence window always here?
Herschel Sparks: No, son, that's a new fence window.
Billy Sparks: Anybody else getting dizzy?

Sheldon: How do we love our neighbors when our moms hate each other?
Billy Sparks: Who does your mom hate?
Sheldon: Your mom.
Billy Sparks: Hey, my mom hates your mom. Small world.

Billy Sparks: Who's Melissa?
Missy: Me.
Billy Sparks: Then who's Missy?
Missy: "Missy" is short for "Melissa." Like how "Billy" is short for "William."
Billy Sparks: I don't understand.
Missy: You know how your real name is William?
Billy Sparks: I'm Billy.
Sheldon: No, we call you Billy, but your real name is William.
Billy Sparks: But my underpants say "Billy" in them. Mom, is my name William?
Brenda Sparks: [sighs] Yeah.
Billy Sparks: Then whose underpants am I wearing?

George Sr.: You ever stop to think maybe she doesn't want to marry a 17-year-old?
Mary: He'll be 18 in March.
George Sr.: All right, you're just being ridiculous. [goes back inside]
Mary: I'm being a Christian.
[After Mary walks over and knocks on the garage door, a dozy Georgie opens it]
Mary: When you were born, you were a gift from God but that does not change the fact that I am very mad at you!
George Jr.: All right. [closes door]

Mary: When do we get to sit down with her and talk this through?
George Jr.: Ah, yeah, here's the thing about that: she ain't real eager to meet y'all.
Mary: Why not?
Meemaw: Did you want to meet George's parents when he knocked you up?
Mary: I was not "knocked up," I was with child. And he's right there. [Georgie waves to Meemaw]

George Jr.: Okay, in my defense...
Meemaw: You have no defense. You're an idiot.
George Jr.: That was a big part of my defense.