Pastor Jeff: So, where you from?
Pastor Charlie: Originally Rhode Island.
Mary: And you're a Southern Baptist?
Pastor Charlie: I guess I'm more of a Northern Baptist, but we're all just Baptists, right? [chuckles]
Peg: I'll show him out.

Mary: You are right. You have been here longer than me. I don't see why we can't work together.
Peg: That'd be nice.
Mary: Great. So, why don't you go by the bank, and I will drop off the bulletin?
Peg: So no one's gonna answer the phones?
Mary: Fine. You just sit there, and I'll go and do everything.
Peg: Sweet. Oh, today's a stumper. Is "nipto" a word?
Mary: You know what? This is why I was taking charge of everything. Because if I don't, nothing will get done.
Peg: Oh, it's "pinto". [laughs]
Mary: This is exactly what I'm talking about.
Peg: Guess what, Mary. Things were getting done long before you got here.
Mary: I just want everything taken care of for Pastor Jeff.
Peg: Or you just like thinking you're better than everybody.

Mary: Hey, I'm gonna need you to drop the bulletin off at the printers. And while you're out, could you also swing by the bank and make a deposit?
Peg: Sure, and there's one thing you could do for me.
Mary: What's that?
Peg: Quit riding my hump.
Mary: Excuse me?
Peg: You're not the boss around here.
Mary: [exhales] No, but Pastor Jeff's away, and I'm the church secretary.
Peg: Okay. Take a memo. "You're not in charge. Peg".

Pastor Jeff: Isn't he the cutest?
Mary: He sure is.
Peg: Oh.
Pastor Jeff: Yeah, he's an angel. He's just happy all the time... morning, afternoon, middle of the night, 2:00a.m., 3:00a.m., all the a.m.'s, really.
Peg: Dip the pacifier in some whiskey, put him right out. But don't use the good stuff. They can't tell the difference.

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

Adult Sheldon: Sundays were not my favorite day. In fact, the only light at the end of the tunnel was the wry musings of Andy Rooney at the end of 60 Minutes.
Andy Rooney: [on TV] Noise is sound you don't want to hear. And of course, one person's sound is another person's noise.
Sheldon: So wry.
Adult Sheldon: The rest of the day was filled with football, church and the only school I didn't enjoy attending, Sunday school.

Missy: Do you believe in God?
George Jr.: Yeah.
Missy: But in the Bible, he does all kinds of mean stuff. If he's good, why would he do that?
George Jr.: Maybe he just wants to show he's in charge. Hulk Hogan's nice, but in the ring, he will mess you up.
Missy: That's either really smart or really stupid.
George Jr.: That's what I do.
Missy: Do you ever wonder if it's all made-up?
George Jr.: Look, this is Texas. We like football. We like God. And beef. Beef's up there, too.
Missy: But how do you know there's a God?
George Jr.: See that girl dancing in them shorts? There's a God.