Sheldon: Missy and I broke a lot of rules the other night, and we've received no punishment.
George: [sighs] Buddy, it's been a rough week. We're just glad you're both safe.
Sheldon: But in the absence of a divine being, society's rules are what keeps a person's morality in check.
George: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: No, y-you're not following me. If actions have no repercussions, society breaks down, everything devolves into chaos.
George: You might be overthinking this.
Sheldon: I thought so, too. Then I thought about it, and I'm not.
George: Sheldon, you had one bad night. Just let it go.
Sheldon: But... I did something wrong and I got away with it. That's not okay.
George: Buddy...
Sheldon: Socrates maintained that the man who lies to himself has an enemy living within. He's not even a person. He's just a chaos of selfish desires wrapped in an animal hide.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Mary: Too bad. We are going.
Sheldon: Class is starting tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere.
Mary: Sheldon, do not argue with me. You are going home.
Sheldon: Mom, the people of Germany are obsessed with rules and devoid of humor. I am home.

Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

Meemaw: Hey. Good news. Your dad's doing okay and should be home in a couple of days.
Missy: Thank God.
Sheldon: Thank modern medicine.

Dr. John Sturgis: So, what brings you here?
Sheldon: Well, I did something wrong, and yet I've received no punishment. What's my incentive to behave morally if the rules of society aren't being enforced?
Dr. John Sturgis: Reminds me of the Ring of Gyges.
Sheldon: I'm not familiar with the Ring of Gyges.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, it's a delightful brainteaser. Plato asked the question: If you could wear a ring that made you invisible, what would prevent you from committing the most horrendous crimes?
Sheldon: Sounds an awful lot like the Ring of Sauron in The Lord of the Rings.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. I'm not familiar with The Lord of the Rings.
Sheldon: Oh, it's a delightful series of fantasy books in which there's a ring that makes the wearer invisible but also leads to moral corruption.
Dr. John Sturgis: Ooh. Perhaps you should read Plato, and I should read The Lord of the Rings.
Sheldon: You should really start with The Hobbit.
Dr. John Sturgis: What's a hobbit?
Sheldon: It's a race of short humanoids who live in burrows and have hairy feet.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. I've been called that. But I never knew what it was.

Sheldon: I'm having a moral quandary, and I could really use your help.
Meemaw: Oh, moral quandaries. I hate those. Shoot.
Sheldon: You're the least moral person I know... How do you live with yourself?
Meemaw: I'm about to shut this door in your face.
Sheldon: See? Other people would be kind to a child in need. That's why I came to you.
Meemaw: Okay, fine. What do you want?
Sheldon: I'm confused as to how to go about my business after misbehaving and not being punished.
Meemaw: And where do I come in?
Sheldon: You tell lies, you gamble, you have quite the potty mouth, and yet you never seem to pay a price for any of it.
Meemaw: Well, when you're cute like me, rules are just a little different.
Sheldon: Hmm. That would also explain the endless parade of romantic partners. [Meemaw slams the door] Are you leaving because you have a man in there?
Meemaw: No!
Sheldon: Hmm. Although she would lie about it, so who knows?