Pastor Jeff: Dear Heavenly Father, as we return to school, we look to your eternal...
Billy Sparks: [stands] I pledge allegiance to the...
Pastor Jeff: Billy, it's not the pledge.

Billy Sparks: Who's Melissa?
Missy: Me.
Billy Sparks: Then who's Missy?
Missy: "Missy" is short for "Melissa." Like how "Billy" is short for "William."
Billy Sparks: I don't understand.
Missy: You know how your real name is William?
Billy Sparks: I'm Billy.
Sheldon: No, we call you Billy, but your real name is William.
Billy Sparks: But my underpants say "Billy" in them. Mom, is my name William?
Brenda Sparks: [sighs] Yeah.
Billy Sparks: Then whose underpants am I wearing?

Billy Sparks: Hello.
Herschel Sparks: Hey.
George: Hey, Billy.
Billy Sparks: Was this fence window always here?
Herschel Sparks: No, son, that's a new fence window.
Billy Sparks: Anybody else getting dizzy?

Sheldon: How do we love our neighbors when our moms hate each other?
Billy Sparks: Who does your mom hate?
Sheldon: Your mom.
Billy Sparks: Hey, my mom hates your mom. Small world.

Missy: And in math class, I sit right between Heather M. and Heather B.
Mary: It's nice you're with your friends.
Missy: It's more than nice. All notes go through me. That's power.

Sheldon: I stopped at the library today and picked up books on epistemology, Descartes's dream argument and the foundations of scientific logic. Do you know what she's going to do?
Meemaw: Rue the day?
Sheldon: The day, the night. If it's rue-able, she's going to rue it.

Mary: Hey, Brenda.
Brenda Sparks: She didn't want you to walk her in?
Mary: No. How about Billy?
Brenda Sparks: Oh, I walked him in. Found his homeroom. Explained that "homeroom" is different than his room at home. Still not sure he gets it.
Mary: Tough day.
Brenda Sparks: Yeah.
Mary: You want to get some coffee?
Brenda Sparks: I was thinking vodka, but coffee will do.