Meemaw: So how you feel about not pitchin' Missy?
Dale: Why would I do that?
Meemaw: Well, she's growin' up and she's going through some new stuff...
Dale: Oh, I don't want to hear about that.
Meemaw: No, no, no, she's... She's got a crush on a boy on the other team, and she's worried that if she strikes him out, that it will embarrass him.
Dale: Well, that's too bad, she's our pitcher. She's gonna do her job.
Meemaw: Well, she's also an 11-year-old girl with big feelings.
Dale: And I'm a cranky old man with no feelings.
Meemaw: Well, I've always thought that underneath that tough exterior, there was a shred of compassion.
Dale: Yeah, I know what you're doing.
Meemaw: What am I doing?
Dale: You're using your feminine wiles to get your way.
Meemaw: Mm-mm-mm. Smart and handsome.
Dale: You forgot tall.

Meemaw: Where we eating tonight?
Dale: Well, that depends. Why don't you look in the glovebox and check on the Tums situation.
Meemaw: There's five.
Dale: Oh, my, this is tricky. Well, Mexican's at least three apiece.
Meemaw: We might get by with two each if it's Italian.
Dale: You get red wine and then tomato sauce. Hey, if they put lemon in the water, we're dead.
Meemaw: Hmm. That leaves barbecue.
Dale: Sold.
Meemaw: Who gets Tum number three?
Dale: Me. They're my Tums.

Meemaw: I'll have the rib eye, medium rare.
Waiter: And for you?
Dale: Uh, just the house salad, please.
Waiter: Very good.
Meemaw: House salad? You watching your figure?
Dale: I have a physical tomorrow.
Meemaw: Oh, so your plan is to start eating healthy now?
Dale: Can't hurt.
Meemaw: It ain't gonna undo years of red meat and beer.
Dale: I'm not trying to undo it, I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce.

Meemaw: I got to go open up the gambling room. Can you watch her for about an hour?
Dale: I just had coffee and a bowl of Raisin Bran. Next hour is spoken for.
Meemaw: You could've just said no.
Dale: I'm trying to keep the romance alive.

Ms. MacElroy: That's sweet of you for asking, but I'd rather stick my finger in a pencil sharpener and crank away.

Tam: Why are you reading about property code?
Sheldon: The house next door to mine is for sale, and I'm looking for ways to control who moves in there.
Tam: When my family moved to Texas, they burned our fishing boat.
Sheldon: Tam, we're talking about my problems right now.
Tam: We usually are.

Sheldon: There's no telling who could buy that house! What if they have dogs? What if they have birds? What if they have both and the birds learned to bark like dogs?
Mary: Sheldon, you're gettin' yourself all worked up.
Sheldon: For good reason... that house is six feet away from my bedroom window. Who knows what kind of smells could jump the gap? Uh, cigarette smoke, a scented candle, a durian?
Mary: What's a durian?
Sheldon: A vile-smelling fruit of the genus Durio.
Mary: When did you smell that?
Sheldon: I haven't, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Mary: It might be nice. It might be a family with kids your age.
Sheldon: I already live with a kid my age... not a fan!