George Sr.: [plunging] Maybe I'm being punished. Maybe I'm a bad person. That went in my mouth.

George Sr.: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Sheldon: There's going to be a lecture on carbon dating at the Natural Science Museum on Saturday. Who would like to take me?
George Sr.: You know what? I'd be happy to.
Meemaw: What happened to helping me at my yard sale?
George Sr.: Ooh, is that this Saturday? I'm sorry. I'm taking him to a lecture on, uh what is it? Carbonation?
Sheldon: Carbon dating. A method of determining the age of artifacts and fossils.
George Sr.: Hey, we could use that to figure out how old your grandma is.
Sheldon: That won't work. You can't carbon-date something that's alive.
George Sr.: Well, then, we'll just chop her down and count the rings.
Meemaw: Oh, George, did my "lump of clay" remark strike a nerve?
George Sr.: A little.

Meemaw: I bowled a new high score last night.
George Sr.: Nice.
Meemaw: I got two turkeys.
Missy: What's a turkey?
Meemaw: It's three strikes in a row.
Missy: Why do they call it a turkey?
Meemaw: Well, when they first invented bowling, they used to just throw frozen turkeys at the pins. Eventually, they switched to balls to cut down on the smell.
George Sr.: Why you lying to her?
Meemaw: I find it keeps my mind sharp.

Adult Sheldon: None of my friends had recorded the episode. I called Tam. I called Dr. Sturgis. Those were all my friends.

Adult Sheldon: Fortunately, having a modem granted me access to an even better kind of friend: the kind you don't have to see or talk to.

Adult Sheldon: Many inventions changed people's lives for the better: the light bulb, the polio vaccine, and one that doesn't get enough credit, the home video cassette recorder. It didn't help keep people out of wheelchairs, but it did keep me from missing Star Trek.