Pastor Jeff: Dear Heavenly Father, as we return to school, we look to your eternal...
Billy Sparks: [stands] I pledge allegiance to the...
Pastor Jeff: Billy, it's not the pledge.

Pastor Jeff: Since everyone is going back to school tomorrow, let's finish up with a back-to-school prayer. [Sheldon raises his hand] What?
Sheldon: Does this prayer just apply to middle school, or is it appropriate for the college-bound?
Pastor Jeff: It's for everyone. But thank you once again for reminding us you're starting college.
Sheldon: Oh, I don't mind. You've got a lot on your plate.
Pastor Jeff: Just pray.

George Sr.: How you doing back there?
Pastor Jeff: I've never felt so alive! Praise the Lord! Let's go to Mexico!

Dr. John Sturgis: [v.o.] Dear Connie, you may have heard I've taken a job at the new supercollider in Waxahachie. I wanted to tell you in person, but, uh, I was afraid you'd be upset. And, honestly... I was even more afraid you wouldn't be.
Meemaw: Oh, John.
Dr. John Sturgis: This also gives me an excuse to use my astronaut pen. I'm not upside-down, but if I was, it would still write. [laughs]

Clarissa: You have kids?
Mary: Three.
Clarissa: You look amazing!
Mary: Oh...
Sam: Two of 'em are twins.
Mary: I don't want to brag, but natural birth.
Jason: Whoa.
Mary: I love college. [laughs]

Sheldon: I may not look it, but I'm the future of physics, so just move on.

Adult Sheldon: With only seven minutes until my freshman orientation seminar, I was in a sticky spot. Thankfully, I was armed with an even stickier solution.

Pastor Jeff: Two months! Two months till this baby comes! There's so much I thought I was gonna do in my life.
George Sr.: I'm sure you've done plenty.
Pastor Jeff: Nothing cool. Look at you. You played football and rode a motorcycle.
George Sr.: Well, you save people's souls. That's neat, right?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, it's neat as neat can be, but you know that's not what I'm talking about.
George Sr.: [sighs] Look, being a dad doesn't mean your life is over. It just means it's different. Instead of playing football, I get to coach it now. I mean, high school football. Not college like I'd hoped. I-Instead of a motorcycle, I drive a truck. To work every single day. To pay the bills. [sighs] Oh. Endless bills. What happened to my life?
Pastor Jeff: Orange wedge?

Adult Sheldon: Like Batman's utility belt, my briefcase was equipped for any emergency. I don't know if the Bat-pants had a zipper, but if they did, I could fix it.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.

Meemaw: And there's nothing wrong with breaking some hearts. If you don't do it to them, they're gonna do it to you.
Missy: Why would they do that?
Meemaw: Because sometimes men do things without thinking how it's gonna make you feel.
Missy: Marcus wouldn't do that. We're friends.
Meemaw: That don't mean nothing. You think somebody's your friend, then they just up and leave without a word.
Missy: But Marcus told me.
Meemaw: [mocking] But Marcus told me.

Missy: What do you think?
Meemaw: I think you're gonna be a little heartbreaker.
Missy: I don't want to break anyone's heart. I just want to look hot.
Meemaw: Well, that you do.
Missy: Thank you.

Adult Sheldon: I had suffered some setbacks. But just as Edison had forged ahead on electric lighting without the help of Tesla, I was going to make it through orientation without the help of my mommy, even if she did make boo-boos stop hurting. While I had found inspiration courtesy of Thomas Edison, it was soon replaced with anger at Whitcomb L. Judson, inventor of the zipper.
Sheldon: [scoffs] Oh, come on.

Sheldon: I made it! I'm here! [panting]
Janet: Fill this out and sign the... Um, there's a bee on you.
Sheldon: What?

Meemaw: You still dating that Marcus boy?
Missy: Sort of. He went away with his family for the summer.
Meemaw: Just out of curiosity, before he left, did he let you know?
Missy: Mm-hmm.
Meemaw: Hmm, interesting. And how long before he left did he tell you?
Missy: I don't know, a week.
Meemaw: Hmm, must be nice. You hear from him at all?
Missy: Yeah, he sent me the cutest postcard. It was a turtle surfing on a dolphin.
Meemaw: Adorable.
Missy: Pulling kind of hard.

Missy: Will this make me look older?
Meemaw: Definitely.
Missy: But not like you older, right?
Meemaw: Right.

Sheldon: [to himself] Stay calm. You can make it. [Sheldon crashes into another student] Aah! Honestly, who drinks a Slurpee at 11:00a.m?

Mary: How's it look?
Sam: Cute.
Sheldon: Why are you here?
Mary: I ran into Sam.
Sheldon: Yes, you're a person I know.
Mary: Hey, aren't you supposed to be getting your I.D. photo?
Sheldon: I got a little waylaid.
Mary: Can I help?
Sheldon: No, everything is perfectly under control. And take off that sweatshirt. You don't go to school here!
Sam: [to Mary] See? Worth every penny.

Sheldon: [sighs] If you highlight everything, you highlight nothing. [checks watch] Uh-oh. [to Jason] Young man, don't move these books. I have a system.

Pastor Jeff: Did you feel ready before Georgie was born?
George Sr.: Absolutely. Boy, was I wrong. Why? Getting nervous?
Pastor Jeff: Well, if I can't get a crib built on my own, how am I gonna be responsible for a human life?
George Sr.: Ah, you'll figure it out. And no sense in worrying about it 'cause you never know what kind of curveballs will come your way.
Pastor Jeff: I guess that's true.
George Sr.: Mm. The doctors could tell us we were having twins, but they couldn't warn us we were having a Sheldon.
Pastor Jeff: You don't think I'm gonna...?
George Sr.: Oh, no. They broke the mold. But... you could go the other way and have a Georgie, so... some terror is called for.

Pastor Jeff: Wow, you're really getting this together fast. I feel like I'm not helping at all.
George Sr.: Oh, come on now. You cut those oranges into nice little wedges.
Pastor Jeff: I do it for the kids at Sunday school. They go to town on 'em.