Missy: Interesting.
Sheldon: What does it say? No, don't tell me. Okay, tell me. No, don't!
Missy: Sheldon, if I tell you but you never look at it, then you didn't break the law, right?
[later:]
Janice: [answers phone] Law offices of Morris, Morris & Yorn. Janice speaking.
Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello. I'd like to speak to either Morris, Morris or Yorn.
Janice: May I ask what it is in regard to?
Sheldon: Well, I was slicing a hot dog...

Sheldon: I also found this letter from Caltech. I wonder why she was hiding it.
Missy: So read it.
Sheldon: I'm not allowed to. It's not addressed to me.
Missy: Who cares?
Sheldon: The U.S. Postal Service is a government agency. Mail is protected by federal law.
Missy: I'll read it.
Sheldon: Don't. If you do, I'll be an accessory to the crime.

Adult Sheldon: I was not alone in asserting my independence that day. This tiny slice of hot dog also seemed to yearn for freedom. But sometimes... freedom comes at a cost. In this case, a lowly disc of processed meat... ...would nearly tear my family apart.

Sheldon: Can you open this? I'm making spaghetti with hot dogs cut up in it.
Missy: You know there's a lady that does that for us, right?
Sheldon: Yes, but she's not here right now.
Missy: That's why I'm watching Oprah.
Oprah: [on TV] I would like to introduce each of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Leonardo...

Adult Sheldon: In every young man's life, there are milestones along the road to independence. Squashing one's very first bug.
Sheldon: Aah!
Adult Sheldon: Tending to one's own boo-boo.
Sheldon: Not today, germs. Not today.
Adult Sheldon: And preparing a favorite meal without one's mommy.

George Jr.: Why you back so soon?
Dale: None of your business. How'd it go yesterday?
George Jr.: It was good. Until it wasn't.
Dale: What do you mean?
George Jr.: I was helping a customer, and I guess I forgot to close the register, 'cause when I got back to it, all the money was gone.
Dale: Are you kidding me?
George Jr.: I screwed up.
Dale: Did you call the police?
George Jr.: I didn't want to get them involved. But I was gonna make it right. Here, take it. So we good?
Dale: You're fired.
George Jr.: R-Really?
Dale: Get out of my store now.

Adult Sheldon: While I made my peace with not having the solution to a unified field theory, my intestines did not make peace with concentrated chamomile syrup.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. Bathroom emergency! Bathroom emergency!

Sheldon: So none of you can help me?
Albert Einstein: I believe I can. Sheldon, if I was offered a choice between all the knowledge of the universe or the endless pursuit of it, I would choose the pursuit.
Sheldon: That's very insightful.
Richard Feynman: Hold it, hold it... He didn't come up with that! He stole it from Gotthold Lessing.
Professor Proton: Who's-who's Gotthold Lessing?
Cyndi Lauper: [v.o.] He's an 18th century German philosopher. Now do you mind? We girls are trying to have some fun over here.
Einstein: Apologies.
Richard Feynman: Sorry, Cyndi Lauper.
Stephen Hawking: Our bad.
Professor Proton: I-I like fun.

Sheldon: But what if I never figure it out?
Albert Einstein: I never did and my scientific career is nothing to sneeze at.
Richard Feynman: Same here.
Stephen Hawking: Agreed.
Professor Proton: Uh, don't-don't look at me. I-I drive a Yugo.

Richard Feynman: [v.o.] All right, hang on. Where is the fun in finding things out if some joker with a bird head just tells you the answer?
Sheldon: But a grand unified field theory would explain the universe.
Richard Feynman: Answers are all well and good, but a real scientist loves the thrill of the chase. Am I right, Hawking?
Stephen Hawking: [v.o.] I would agree. I do also enjoy the thrill of rolling over bubble wrap with my chair.
Professor Proton: It-it is fun to pop that stuff, isn't it?
Stephen Hawking: So fun.

Sheldon: Okay, grand unified field theory, here I come. [groans] This isn't working.
Albert Einstein: [v.o.] I disagree. Seems to be working fine and dandy.
Sheldon: Mr. Einstein? I'm very excited to talk to you, but I was hoping to hear from Thoth, the Egyptian god of knowledge, so he could teach me the grand unified field theory again.
Albert Einstein: Ooh, the grand unified field theory! Well, la-di-da.
Sheldon: He told it to me in a dream, but I can't remember.

Adult Sheldon: After my other attempts to return to the trancelike state of anesthesia failed, I turned to something Nancy Reagan herself told me to "just say no" to. My mind-altering substance of choice was... chamomile tea. But not your grandma's chamomile tea. A highly concentrated super chamomile of my own making. All the relaxing power of 30 cups of chamomile tea packed into a teaspoon of calming sludge.
Sheldon: Sorry, Mrs. Reagan.

Meemaw: You didn't have to storm off. You're being childish. So I don't want to get married. It's nothing personal.
Dale: Well, it feels personal.
Meemaw: I'm not rejecting you. I'm rejecting marriage. If it helps, it's not the first proposal I've turned down.
Dale: How the hell does that help? After everything that I've done for you and your family!
Meemaw: You give my grandson a job, so I'm supposed to marry you?
Dale: Well, you can forget I even asked.

Adult Sheldon: If I was going to recapture my insight into a unified field theory, I needed to find a way to put myself back into an altered state of consciousness. Native Americans would sit in sweat lodges for hours to achieve this. I lasted a minute and a half. Self-hypnosis is another means of bringing stillness to the mind. [Sheldon screams] When it isn't giving you a heart attack! The whirling dervishes of Central Asia employ a repetitive spinning technique to achieve a trancelike state.
Sheldon: [retches, falls down]

George Jr.: [on the phone] I'd like to report a robbery. Well, before I tell you my name, is there any way we can do this where the owner of the store don't find out? Because he left me in charge and I really screwed up. At least $400. I know it's a lot. That's why I said I screwed up. I got to think about this. I-I'll call you back.

Dale: Hey, you know what'd be fun? New Orleans is just an hour away from here.
Meemaw: Oh, I like where this is headed.
Dale: And they got themselves a 24-hour wedding chapel.
Meemaw: What? [laughs] No!
Dale: What do you mean "no"? We're good together and we're both old. That's what you said.
Meemaw: We-we haven't even said "I love you" yet!
Dale: All right, fine. I love you. You... you're not gonna say anything back?
Meemaw: Not under these circumstances!
Dale: [mutters] Ah, goddang it. [walks off]
Meemaw: Dale?!

Dale: Well, this is my favorite table here.
Meemaw: Well, sure, every time you put down money, you win.
Dale: Oh, this is nice. You know, I really don't get away from the store enough.
Meemaw: How come you're still workin' at your age?
Dale: What do you mean "my age"?
Meemaw: I mean you're old. [laughs]
Dale: I'm not old.
Meemaw: Well, I'm old and you're older than me.
Dale: Yeah, that's true. But we make it look good though.
Meemaw: You don't want to be that guy that just works till he drops dead. I mean, maybe you should retire. Have a little fun.
Dale: Well, I'm here with you.
Meemaw: That's a good start, 'cause I'm fun.
Dale: Oh, man, you sure as hell are.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, Dr. Bowers, it's Sheldon Cooper. I need you to administer more anesthesia to me. No, I don't have a dental problem. I need to reenter a trancelike state so I can communicate with Thoth, the god of knowledge. I would argue that the greatest discovery in physics is worth losing your dental license. Well, it's not my fault you let them publish your home phone number.

Mary: Look who's awake. How are you feelin'?
Sheldon: I had a dream. I solved a unified field theory.
Mary: Well, good for you.
Sheldon: But I can't remember it.
Mary: Hmm. Well, you were mumblin' something about gravity and forces.
Sheldon: You need to be more specific.
Mary: Shelly, you weren't makin' much sense.
Sheldon: Mother, a unified field theory is the holy grail of physics. Solving it would be the greatest breakthrough in the history of science.
Missy: And you forgot it. That's funny.

Sheldon: [muffled] Where am I?
Missy: Oh, you died. You're a ghost now.
Sheldon: What?