George Jr.: I think Dad would love that you're into stuff like this.
Mary: I'm sure he would. He took me to see Mad Max twice.
George Jr.: Really?
Mary: Actually... the second time, we couldn't find a sitter, so we brought you along.
George Jr.: How old was I?
Mary: I don't know... four?
George Jr.: No wonder I'm so cool.
George Jr.: So, why you hiding it?
Mary: Well, 'cause I'm supposed to be a good Christian. Clearly this is something I need to work on.
George Jr.: Well, before you fix it, you've got to watch Die Hard 2. Bruce Willis stabs a guy in the head with an icicle.

George Jr.: How awesome was it when he fights those four guys at once?
Mary: They were asking for it. Dalton doesn't fight unless he has to.
George Jr.: True, 'cause when the doctor says, "How many of these fights you win?" he says...
Both: Nobody ever wins in a fight. [both laugh]
Mary: Mm, and I like how smart he is. But doesn't feel like he has to show it off.
George Jr.: No kidding. Maybe Sheldon should watch it.
Mary: Hey, what was Dalton's third rule of being a good bouncer?
George Jr.: Be nice.
Mary: That's right.

Meemaw: Another way to cast on in knitting is called the slingshot.
Sheldon: Did you know the Wham-O company was named after its first product, the Wham-O Slingshot?
Meemaw: I'm the one saying the facts right now. Unless you're tired of hearing them?
Sheldon: Sick of learning? Never.
Meemaw: Well, that's too bad.

George Sr.: Nothing to worry about. We got this.
Missy: Really?
George Sr.: Everything you need's right here.
Missy: You're the best.
George Sr.: Come on, I'll show you where the bathroom is. Oh, and there's a very helpful cashier named Gretchen you need to hug. Come on. [they enter the store] Here she is, Gretchen.

Meemaw: Alls I'm saying is people aren't always in the mood.
Sheldon: Well, they should be. I'm happy to learn any fact at any time.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Sheldon: Yes.
Meemaw: Grab my knitting bag.
Sheldon: I don't recommend driving while knitting. Your reflexes aren't what they used to be.
Meemaw: Just look in the bag! Did you know that there are three different kinds of yarn?
Sheldon: I didn't.
Meemaw: You got your animal, like wool. Your plant, like cotton. And your synthetic, like acrylic.
Sheldon: Interesting.
Meemaw: You think so? I'm glad to hear that. Because each one of them has plusses and minuses, and you're about to hear them all in mind-numbing detail.

Meemaw: Everybody gets fired for something eventually.
Sheldon: For being too good at their job?
Meemaw: Well, Moon Pie, sometimes you just get too excited about sharing the facts in your head.
Sheldon: But learning facts is the ant's pants. Which is the Australian derivation of the bee's knees. See, you just learned something. And wasn't that the cat's pajamas?

Sheldon: [bell ringing]
Lawrence: Uh... we need to talk.
Sheldon: About this bell? You got it. Did you know different engineers would often...
Lawrence: [stops bell] Son? You're a sweet kid, but... I don't think this is working out.
Sheldon: What? Why? I-I know everything there is to know about trains.
Lawrence: Well, yeah, you see now, that there is the problem. People, when they come here, they want to enjoy it. They don't want to get lectured in the bathroom. And you have been correcting me in front of the visitors all morning long.
Sheldon: Would you prefer I send you a memo of your mistakes at the end of the day?
Lawrence: No.
Sheldon: Because that's what I did for the teachers at my school. I think it brought us all closer.
Lawrence: Sheldon, it's great to have knowledge. But you don't need to show it off all the time.
Sheldon: Oh, I don't mind.
Lawrence: [chuckles] You see, trains are all about balance, right? Now you put too much water into a steam engine, it can't do its job. You let that water run low... Boom, it'll blow up. Now, a good engineer makes sure he uses just the right amount of water. Not too little, not too much. That make sense?
Sheldon: The fireman adjusts the water, not the engineer.
[later, as Meemaw drives Sheldon home:]
Sheldon: And then he took my "ask me" button. He didn't even ask me. He just took it.

Cashier: Find everything you need today?
George Sr.: Yeah, think so. [chuckles]
[George unloads a variety of female care products onto the counter]
George Sr.: [clears throat]
Cashier: You don't know what you're doing, do you?
George Sr.: No, ma'am.
Cashier: Would you like some help?
George Sr.: Yes, ma'am, thank you, ma'am.
Cashier: Okay. [puts "Register Closed" sign down]

George Jr.: So how many times have you seen Road House?
Mary: Sorry, can't hear you.
George Jr.: More or less than five? 'Cause that'show many times I've seen it.
Mary: That's how many years you're gonna be grounded if you don't drop it right now.
George Jr.: Does Dad know you like this movie?
Mary: [vacuum stops] No, and it is gonna stay that way.
George Jr.: Why?
Mary: Because it is not something I should be watching.
George Jr.: Then why are you watching it?
Mary: It is a guilty pleasure, so will you drop it now?
George Jr.: Relax. I ain't gonna tell nobody.
Mary: Thank you.
George Jr.: I think it's awesome you like it.
Mary: It is pretty cool how Dalton doesn't drive his Mercedes to the bar 'cause he knows they're gonna trash it.
George Jr.: Dalton's no dummy.
Mary: No, sir.

Sheldon: And early trains used the drop chute toilet, also called the hopper toilet, which was really just a hole...

Lawrence: You want to know more about the Cotton Belt, there's plenty in here.
Sheldon: Although the facts in that brochure are suspect.
Lawrence: [chuckles] Sheldon, I, uh... I wrote this brochure.
Sheldon: While the origins of the Southern Pacific go back to 1848, the company wasn't formally started until 1865.
Sheldon: And before you reprint these, we should talk fonts.

Sheldon: This is a genuine locomotive bell from Texas and New Orleans number 701. Now there's a proper technique to make the purest sound. Most people don't know how to do that. But you're in luck, because I do. [bell ringing]

Norman: Excuse me.
Sheldon: Hello. Welcome to the Lone Star Train Museum. I'm Docent Sheldon Cooper. If you have any questions... [taps "Ask Me" badge]
Norman: You know where the bathroom is?
Sheldon: Indeed I do. You'll want to chug along past our authentic Southern Pacific Sunset limited whistle, then keep going past our conductor's uniform, which was worn on the Texas and Pacific Railway. Then you'll come upon...
Norman: Son, I have to take a leak.
Sheldon: It's in the back.
Norman: Thank you.
Sheldon: And our toilets flush, unlike the ones on trains before 1889.

George Sr.: Nothing to be embarrassed about. It's perfectly natural. Perfectly normal.
Missy: Dad, I know.
George Sr.: I'm telling myself. Uh... How much money you need?
Missy: I'm not going in there. You are.
George Sr.: Why can't you go? It's embarrassing.
Missy: You just said it wasn't embarrassing.
George Sr.: Well, it is and I lied.

Mary: [eating pop corn] Get him, Dalton. Get him.
George Jr.: Mary Cooper, what are you doing?
Mary: Nothing.
George Jr.: Why are you watching Road House?
Mary: Why aren't you at work?
George Jr.: I asked you first, and my question is way more interesting.
Mary: It was just on. I don't even know what that is.
George Jr.: Then how'd you know his name's Dalton?
Mary: I don't have to explain myself to you.
George Jr.: This is a pretty dirty movie.
Mary: How do you know? It is rated R.
George Jr.: For violence, language and sexual content. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Sheldon: It's almost opening time. Can I flip the sign?
Lawrence: Have at it.
Sheldon: [pulls out stopwatch] Five, four, three, two, one. [flips sign] We're officially open for business. [Sheldon peeks outside to see nobody waiting for the store] Anticlimactic.

George Sr.: Okay, we're gonna find a pay phone and call your mother.
Missy: She's not here right now. What can she do?
George Sr.: Well, I don't know what to do.
Missy: We're gonna go to a drugstore and get what I need.
George Sr.: Go to a drug store. Okay, I can do that.
Missy: Breathe. We're gonna get through this.
George Sr.: [exhales sharply]

George Sr.: Ready to roll?
Missy: Not really.
George Sr.: What's wrong?
Missy: It... happened.
George Sr.: What happened?
Missy: That thing that happens to girls when they're becoming young ladies.
George Sr.: What?! Now?
Missy: I'm not happy about it, either.
George Sr.: [stammers] Should we go home?
Missy: I'm pitching in an hour.
George Sr.: I... You think that's a good idea? Maybe you need to lie down.
Missy: I don't need to lie down.
George Sr.: Okay, well, maybe I need to lie down.

Lawrence: Just let me know if you have any questions.
Sheldon: This is a very nice builder's plate. How can you be sure it's not a replica?
Lawrence: Now, that is a great question.
Sheldon: Thank you. I also know the answer. Do you?
Lawrence: Well, there's, uh, rust and soot on the back of it from when it was mounted to the engine's smokebox.
Sheldon: Very good. Ah, the 1947 Santa Fe diesel. I've always loved that paint scheme. I wonder if they had a name for it.
Lawrence: Cat's Whiskers.
Sheldon: Correct.
Lawrence: Ha! Two for two.
Sheldon: Did you know that the word "train" comes from the French verb traîner, which means to draw or drag?
Lawrence: [chuckles] Well, I just learned something.
Sheldon: Well, if you enjoy learning things, then you and I are on the "fast track" to friendship. Speaking of fast tracks, the Japanese bullet train, or Shinkansen...

Missy: We need to stop so I can pee.
George Sr.: I told you to pee before we left the house.
Missy: That was an hour and a half ago.
George Sr.: [sighs] Can't you hold it?
Missy: I may spit like a man, but I have the bladder of a little girl.