Georgie: Well?
Jana: It's very... colorful.
Georgie: Not just colorful. Patriotic.
Jana: It's also a little gross.
Georgie: It just needs a little shampoo. But check out the best part. [pulls out bed] Want to try it out?
Jana: In front of your parents' house?
Georgie: That's what's so great. We can drive it anywhere. Empty field, abandoned parking lot. Wherever love takes us.
Jana: [sniffs] What is that smell?
Georgie: There was a mouse in the mini fridge.
Jana: Ew!
Georgie: Did you hear me? There's a mini fridge!

George: Missy doing anything stupid?
Mary: No.
George: One out of three. Not bad.

George: Hey! Where do you think you're going?
Georgie: Bathroom.
George: No, you're not. You don't live here.
Mary: George.
George: You want him making grandkids in that van?
Mary: You heard him! Get!
Georgie: Dang it.

Georgie: Can I use your bathroom?
Meemaw: Your dad wants to talk to you. [hands Georgie her phone]
Georgie: Hello.
George: You can't use her bathroom either.
Georgie: Dang it.
Meemaw: There's a bucket in the garage. [laughs]

Mary: Brought you some food. Don't tell your father.
Georgie: Thanks. Want to come in? It smells less disgusting now.
Mary: I'm... really good here. Georgie, um, this is a... nice van, but why don't you think about selling it so you can come back inside?
Georgie: No. I'm not letting him win this one.
Mary: [sighs] You know you can't live in here.
Georgie: Why not?
Mary: It's hot out.
Georgie: The windows roll down.
Mary: How are you gonna take a shower?
Georgie: It's supposed to rain this weekend.
Mary: What about a bathroom?
Georgie: See that bucket?
Mary: Good night.

Sheldon: Ask me what the fruits of the Spirit are.
Missy: I'm sure you know them.
Sheldon: Of course I do. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Missy: Then why do I have to ask?
Sheldon: So I can improve my hand-raising technique.
Missy: Fine. What are the fruits of the Spirit? [Sheldon raises his hand] Good. We done?
Sheldon: No, you have to call on me.
Missy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Now ask me to name three wicked women of the Bible.
Missy: Can I ask you a question?
Sheldon: If it's "Who are three wicked women in the Bible?," then go ahead.

George: Morning, sunshine.
Georgie: [exhales] What do you want?
George: Oh, just to see how you're doing.
Georgie: I'm fine. Thanks for the juice.
George: Oh, this isn't for you. [drinks] Mmm. Mmm. [smacks lips, sighs] Cold and refreshing. So, how'd you sleep? You look terrible.
Georgie: Are you done?
George: Depends. You ready to return the van?
Georgie: This van's not going anywhere.
George: Don't you have to work this morning?
Georgie: Crap.
[After George closes the side door and jumps into the driver's seat, he tries to start the van but the engine fails to turn over.]
George: Yep, it's not going anywhere.

Georgie: Hey.
Dale: [yelps] I'm on medication, you know. Wh-What are you doing in there?
Georgie: Just washed up in your sink. Don't want to offend the customers.
Dale: Why?
Georgie: My dad's mad 'cause I bought a van, and he's not letting me use the house.
Dale: Oh. So that's your old Chevy parked out front?
Georgie: Pretty sweet, right?
Dale: You have a clean title on it?
Georgie: Pretty much. I think it's registered in Mexico.
Dale: Well, that's something.
Georgie: But it's got a bed and a mini fridge.
Dale: Wow. Sweet.
Georgie: I'm gonna hang some twinkle lights and maybe get a lava lamp.

Sheldon: Hello.
Paige: What now?
Sheldon: What now?
Paige: What are you doing?
Sheldon: What are you doing?
Paige: Are you just gonna repeat everything I...
Sheldon: Are you just gonna repeat everything I say?
Paige: I, Sheldon Cooper...
Sheldon: I, Sheldon Cooper...
Paige: ...accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
Sheldon: ...accept Jesus Chr... [grunts]

Missy: I can still hear the sound of her fist hitting your face and your head bouncing off the floor.
Mary: That is enough.
Missy: It was like, "Thwack," and then, "Kathunk."
Mary: I said enough!
Missy: And there were doughnut holes. What a great day.

Missy: Why is the monkey invisible?
Sheldon: I don't know.
Missy: Is it a ghost monkey?
Sheldon: Sure.
Missy: Then why isn't he in heaven?
Sheldon: Because there is no heaven.
Missy: What about monkey heaven?
Sheldon: There is no monkey heaven. There is no regular heaven. When we die, we cease to exist. That's it.
Missy: You better hope you're right. 'Cause if I end up in regular heaven and you end up in hell, I'm gonna laugh. But if you end up in monkey hell, I'm gonna laugh even harder.
Sheldon: Just paint your nails.
Missy: [prays] God, when Sheldon dies, please send him to monkey hell. Amen.

Missy: Sing "Ice Ice Baby."
Pastor Jeff: Don't know it.
Missy: How about Paula Abdul?
Pastor Jeff: Nope.
Missy: Ooh! The Teenage Mutant Ninja theme.

Mary: Come on, Shelly. It's a space theme. Isn't that fun?
Sheldon: Jesus was a carpenter, not an astronaut.
Missy: Maybe he built the rocket.
Sheldon: What would he use for fuel?
Missy: [distracted] Ooh, doughnut holes.

Sheldon: Why did your mom make you?
Paige: Punishment. I got caught with cigarettes.
Sheldon: Why would you want to smoke?
Paige: To look older.
Sheldon: My meemaw smokes. I guess it works.

Georgie: I did it. I bought a car.
George: Really? You got the Mustang?
Georgie: I was fixing to, but then something else caught my eye.
George: You did something dumb.