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404 - Bible Camp and a Chariot of Love

Aired Thursday, December 3, 2020
Bible Camp and a Chariot of Love

Sheldon gets competitive with Paige when they are both forced to attend a Bible school during summer vacation. Meanwhile, George is unhappy with Georgie's latest purchase.

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Episode Notes

  • Title Reference: "Bible Camp" refers to the event Sheldon, Missy and Paige attend at the church, and "a Chariot of Love" refers to Adult Sheldon's description of Georgie's van.
  • Opening Credits Sequence: Sheldon is dressed in his normal clothes as a cow approaches the family.
  • Adult Sheldon refers to his winning a Nobel Prize in Physics, as established in the series finale of The Big Bang Theory. [1224]
  • When Missy names songs for Pastor Jeff to sing, she asks for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song. Chuck Lorre, creator of Young Sheldon and The Big Bang Theory, co-wrote and recorded the song.


Missy: Why don't you believe in God? [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: Because science explains the universe without the need of inventing a supernatural being.
Missy: But how do you know for sure He doesn't exist?
Sheldon: Ooh. [raises hand]
Missy: Stop that.
Sheldon: The burden of proof isn't on me. If I said there was an invisible monkey in the room with us, you shouldn't believe me just because you can't prove me wrong.

Missy: Why is the monkey invisible?
Sheldon: I don't know.
Missy: Is it a ghost monkey?
Sheldon: Sure.
Missy: Then why isn't he in heaven?
Sheldon: Because there is no heaven.
Missy: What about monkey heaven?
Sheldon: There is no monkey heaven. There is no regular heaven. When we die, we cease to exist. That's it.
Missy: You better hope you're right. 'Cause if I end up in regular heaven and you end up in hell, I'm gonna laugh. But if you end up in monkey hell, I'm gonna laugh even harder.
Sheldon: Just paint your nails.
Missy: [prays] God, when Sheldon dies, please send him to monkey hell. Amen.

George Sr.: Just go get your money back and buy a different car.
George Jr.: No.
George Sr.: Georgie, I'm not playing around.
George Jr.: Neither am I. I bought it with my own money, and you don't get a say.
George Sr.: As long as you live under my roof, I get plenty of say.
George Jr.: Fine. I'll move out.
George Sr.: And where you gonna go?
George Jr.: I'll live in the van.
George Sr.: [laughs] You know what? It was only a matter of time before you lived in a van. Have at it.
George Jr.: Scooby-Doo lived in a van, and he turned out fine.

Missy: Sing "Ice Ice Baby."
Pastor Jeff: Don't know it.
Missy: How about Paula Abdul?
Pastor Jeff: Nope.
Missy: Ooh! The Teenage Mutant Ninja theme.

Pastor Jeff: Now, for a psalm 100 bookmark, who can name the apostles? [Billy raises his hand] Billy.
Billy Sparks: Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc...
Pastor Jeff: Those are dwarves. Anyone else?

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Featured Music

  • Surfin' U.S.A.
    The Beach Boys

    Surfin' U.S.A. As Mary drives Sheldon and Missy to the library for stamp camp.

  • Fly Me to the Moon
    George Strait

    Fly Me to the Moon As Mary, Sheldon and Missy arrive at Bible camp for the first time.

  • Rocket Man
    Elton John

    Rocket Man Performed by Pastor Jeff.

  • Heartbeat
    Don Johnson

    Heartbeat As Georgie drives his van over to Jana's house.

  • Movin' & Grovin'
    Duane Eddy

    Movin' & Grovin' Plays as Sheldon tries to irritate Paige by popping a balloon.

Episode Trivia

  • What psalm was Pastor Jeff giving out as a bookmark?
    • Psalm 75
    • Psalm 100
    • Psalm 50
    • Psalm 125
  • What brand of car was Georgie's van?
    • Ford
    • Chrysler
    • Toyota
    • Chevrolet

Episode Recap

Adult Sheldon explains that children everywhere are excited by summer vacation and he was no exception. Instead of going to bible camp with his sister, Sheldon is going to “stamp camp”. But when Mary drives Sheldon to the library, the librarian says it was canceled due to lack of interest. After they return to the car, Missy tells her brother, “Ha. You have to go to bible camp.”

When they arrive at the church, Mary points out the bible camp is space themed, Sheldon can’t understand why as Jesus was a carpenter not an astronaut. Sheldon is surprised when his old friend, and rival, Paige walks over. Her mom is forcing her to be there after being caught with cigarettes. Sheldon explains he’s only there because the stamp camp got canceled; further proof there is no God.

As George reads the paper in the den, Georgie returns home to say he bought a car. When George asks if he got the Mustang, Georgie admits he was going to but then something else caught his eye. George figures he did something dumb. Outside, Georgie shows his father the van. George says “Hell, no”, describing it as a motel room on wheels. After Georgie claims it’ll be useful if he drives Sheldon to college as he can sleep in the back, George asks if his first thought on seeing a couch in the back was that his little brother could sleep on it. Georgie admits it wasn’t his first thought.

At bible camp, Missy is making a lanyard as Billy eats the plastic, describing it as bad licorice. Sheldon is surprised when Paige applies lipstick, asking if her parents let her wear it. After Paige replies of course not, Sheldon wonders why she’s rebelling against parental authority. Paige says she’s having a textbook reaction to her parents’ divorce, but Sheldon is more interested in the supposed textbook. When Pastor Jeff welcomes the young “Bible-nauts”, receiving little reaction to the question, “Who’s ready to find space for Jesus in our hearts?”. Sheldon suggests that’s because space is a vacuum where soundwaves can’t travel. Paige is impressed by his comeback, prompting Sheldon to say she’s not the only rebel.

When George and George go back into the house, George tells his son to get his money back and return the van. After Georgie says no, George insists he’s not messing around. Georgie argues he bought it with his own money so his dad doesn’t get a say. George says while he lives under his roof, he gets plenty of say. Georgie says he’ll move out, into the van. George jokes it was only a matter of time before he lived in a van, so have at it.

Back at bible camp, after Pastor Jeff finishes singing “Rocket Man”, Missy requests “Ice Ice Baby”, Paula Abdul and finally the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme, but Pastor Jeff doesn’t know those. After Mary rings the prize bell, Pastor Jeff says he’s giving away a psalm 100 bookmark to anybody who can name all the apostles. Billy Sparks starts naming dwarves. Sheldon tells Paige that even though he doesn’t care about church, he can name all the apostles. Paige says she can too, but Sheldon doubts her. After Paige says she can name them in alphabetical order, Sheldon says he can do it in the order they appear in the Book of Matthew. When Sheldon and Paige both raise their hands, Pastor Jeff calls on Paige, so she recites the apostles in order of their first appearance. As Pastor Jeff invites her up to collect her psalm 100 bookmark, Adult Sheldon explains that, as the winner of a Nobel Prize in Physics, he shouldn’t care but years later, this still burns his butt.

As Mary drives home with Sheldon and Missy, Sheldon can’t understand why Paige suddenly got competitive over bible trivia. Mary says it wouldn’t hurt Sheldon if he participated. Sheldon vows to participate, saying if Paige wants to compete over Bible trivia she picked the wrong fact-filled Atheist to mess with. Meanwhile, when Jana joins Georgie in the back of his van, she’s not particularly impressed. Georgie pulls out the bed and asks if she wants to give it a try. “In front of your parents’ house?”, Jana asks. Georgie says the great part is they can drive it anywhere: an empty field, an abandoned parking lot. When Jana asks what the smell is, Georgie explains there was a dead mouse in the minifridge. When Jana responds “Ew”, Georgie wonders if she heard him say there’s a minifridge.

In the kitchen, Mary asks George if he’s really making Georgie live out there. After George says he’s not going to last one night in that disgusting thing, Mary asks if he’s ever seen Georgie’s room. As Sheldon walks in reciting names from the Bible, George wonders what he’s doing. Sheldon explains he’s studying the bible to humiliate and destroy Paige at Bible camp. When George spots Georgie in the house, he asks what he’s doing. Georgie says he’s going to the bathroom, but George says he’s not as he doesn’t live here anymore.

When Meemaw opens her front door, Georgie asks if he can use her bathroom. Meemaw hands him her telephone and says George wants to talk to him. George says he can’t use Meemaw’s bathroom either. Meemaw tells her grandson there’s a bucket in the garage. Later that night, Georgie opens his van’s door to Mary, who has brought him a plate of food. When Mary asks why he doesn’t think of selling the van, Georgie says he doesn’t want to let his father win this one. Mary says Georgie can’t live in that thing. For one, it’s hot out, but Georgie points out the windows roll down. Mary asks where he's gonna shower? Georgie says it’s supposed to rain this weekend. When Mary asks about the bathroom situation,  Georgie points to a bucket. Mary gives up and says good night.

In Sheldon and Missy’s room, he is studying the Bible as Missy paints her nails. Sheldon wants Missy to quiz him on the fruits of the Spirit, but an uninterested Missy is sure he knows them. Sheldon gets Missy to ask him so he can practice his hand-raising technique. Missy asks Sheldon if she can ask him a question: why doesn’t he believe in God? Sheldon says science explains the universe without the existence of God. When Missy asks how he can be sure He doesn’t exist, Sheldon argues the burden of proof isn’t on him. If he said there was an invisible monkey in the room, it would be up to him to prove it. Missy wonders why the monkey is invisible. Is it a ghost, and if so, why isn’t he in heaven? Sheldon says there is no heaven, nor a monkey heaven. Missy tells Sheldon better hope he’s right because if she ends up in heaven and he ends up in hell, she’ll laugh. She’ll laugh even more if Sheldon ends up in monkey hell.

As Georgie sleeps in the van, a rat climbs through a hole in the floor and clambers onto his chest. As Georgie screams in panic, Mary and George wake up in their bedroom. Mary wonders what just happened as Georgie screams “Get it off. Get it off.” As Georgie yells “He’s in my hair.”, George tells Mary it’s not his problem.

At bible camp the next day, Sheldon tells Paige that not only is he going to show her up today, he has prepared some biblical trash talk. When Paige asks Missy what her brother’s talking about, Missy explains Sheldon was up all night studying. Sheldon tells Paige he wants to beat her at Bible trivia. When Pastor Jeff starts the trivia round, Paige doesn’t raise her hand as Sheldon does. Sheldon gets the question right but wonders why Paige isn’t trying. Paige insists she doesn’t care. When Pastor Jeff asks another question, Sheldon is momentarily reluctant to raise his hand as Paige shows no interest, but he can’t help himself and gets another question right. After Sheldon asks Paige why she won’t compete with him, she admits it’s fun watching him get upset.

Elsewhere, George knocks on his son’s van and says good morning. When Georgie asks what he wants, George, holding a glass of orange juice, says he wants to see how he’s doing. Georgie says fine, thanks for the juice. George says it’s not for him, and starts to drink the juice while making a big deal about how refreshing it is. After George asks if he’s decided to sell the van yet, Georgie insists it’s not going anywhere. When George reminds him he has work this morning,  Georgie jumps into the driver’s seat and tries to get the van started. As the engine fails to turnover, George says, “Yep, it’s not going anywhere.”

At bible camp, Sheldon has a sprig of hair askew as he goes to talk to Paige. “Upsetting, isn’t it?”, Sheldon says. When Paige doesn’t think so, Sheldon points out it’s going in a different direction to all the other hairs. Paige still doesn’t see the problem. Sheldon says she thinks it’s fun irritating him, so he’s giving her a taste of her own medicine.

As Dale enters his office, Georgie emerges from the bathroom wearing a towel and drying his hair. When a startled Dale asks what he’s doing there, Georgie explains his dad threw him out of the house after he bought the van. After Dale asks if that’s his Chevy outside, Georgie says it’s got a bed and mini-fridge. He’s going to hang some twinkle lights and get a lava lamp. Dale asks Georgie if he ever told him why he got married so young. When Georgie wonders if it’s because he was in love, Dale says it’s because he bought a van like that. After Georgie misses the point and asks what kind of van it was, Dale tells him to just get dressed.

Back at bible camp, Sheldon tries to irritate Paige by holding a pin up to a balloon. As he says it could pop at any moment, Paige pops the balloon for him. Later, Sheldon walks up to Paige and starts repeating everything she says. Paige gets the upperhand and tries to trick him into saying he accepts Jesus as his savior. Later, Paige is confused when Sheldon comes up to her and says “Get me a beer, woman.” Sheldon explains it infuriates his mom when his dad says it. Paige tells Sheldon he won’t be able to irritate her as there are things in her life that are way worse than anything he could come up with. Sheldon asks if she means her parents splitting up, Paige says obviously. Sheldon thinks he knows how to irritate her, telling Paige “I bet you think your parents’ divorce is all your fault and now your family is torn apart forever.” Paige clenches her fist as Sheldon wonders if he finally found a way to irritate her.

As Mary drives Sheldon and Missy home, an excited Missy says she can still hear the sound of Paige’s fist hitting Sheldon’s face and his head bouncing off the floor, as Sheldon sits next to her with a black eye. Missy declares it a great day.

That night, Adult Sheldon explains Georgie turned his van into a chariot of love, and romance was in the air. When Mr. Boggs finds Georgie on his driveway, he can’t believe Georgie is expecting to take out his daughter in that. Georgie promises to have her home by 11. Mr. Boggs opens the van to find it newly-furnished, with twinkle lights and a lava lamp above the freshly-made bed. George points out it’s got a minifridge. Later, Georgie returns home and tells his dad he’s thought about what he said and is going to return the van.

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