George: Hey, Hubert. Was Sheldon in class today?
Mr. Givens: Nope. Haven't seen him all week.
George: Weren't you gonna say anything?
Mr. Givens: I didn't want to jinx it.

George: So he hasn't been in any of your classes?
Ms. Ingram: Mm-mm, not a one.
Ms. MacElroy: Nope.
George: But I bring him here, I take him home he's got to be somewhere in the building.
Ms. Ingram: Mm, I might've seen him in the library. But at this point, I sometimes think I see him when I'm alone in my house.
Ms. MacElroy: Like that creepy Chucky doll in the movies?
Ms. Ingram: [laughs] Exactly!

[Sheldon is chuckling as he stares at a blank screen]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Watching last week's Professor Proton in my mind.

Pastor Jeff: [answering phone] Hello?
Missy: I lied to you. I wasn't watching TV. I was playing with a Ouija board.
Pastor Jeff: Uh, who is this?
Missy: Missy Cooper, and I'm going to hell.
Pastor Jeff: Uh, Missy, you're- You're not gonna go to hell.
Missy: Yes, I am. God knows what I did. He sees everything.
Pastor Jeff: You're right. God does see everything. But He also just saw you be a good Christian and tell the truth. So I promise, your soul is safe.
Missy: You're sure?
Pastor Jeff: I'm sure.
Missy: If you're lying, you're going to hell, too.
Pastor Jeff: I'm sure.
Missy: [sighs] Thank you.

Ms. MacElroy: Georgie Cooper?
Georgie: Here.
Ms. MacElroy: Sheldon Cooper? Georgie, where's your brother?
Georgie: I don't know.
Ms. MacElroy: Good enough for me.

George: What do you think you're doing?
Sheldon: Exploring the impact of the French invasion on Imperial Russian society.
George: Well, get out of here. You're going back to class.
Sheldon: No, I'm not.
George: Excuse me?
Sheldon: I don't learn anything in class. But in here I've taught myself the applications of gravitational lensing, Faraday's law of magnetic induction, and how to whistle. [blows air] Well, sound came out yesterday.
George: You can't spend your day in a broom closet.
Sheldon: It's no longer a broom closet. It's now a citadel of higher learning.

Sheldon: Same room. Different teacher. Same night. Different time. This is a real roller coaster.
Meemaw: Yeah, it's wild.

Dr. Linkletter: Just a warning: today's lecture is rather advanced.
Sheldon: Don't worry. If you get confused, I'll be right here in the front row.

Dr. Linkletter: So then we're able to take the ends of the strings and connect them to a ten-dimensional membrane. Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis taught us that if you leave the strings open, it allows far more possibilities.
Dr. Linkletter: We don't believe you need open strings anymore. That's an older model of thinking. Now... Yes, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Just because something is older doesn't mean that it's not still good. Original Star Trek is older than Next Generation, but if you think that Mr. Data is better than Mr. Spock, you don't know what you're talking about.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't know what you're talking about.

Missy: I'm going to hell. I'm going to hell.
Georgie: Relax. Not until you're dead.

Pastor Jeff: The Lord just sent me a message.
Officer Robin: Really?
Pastor Jeff: I'm sorry. I can't be in a physical relationship outside of marriage.
Officer Robin: Okay. I respect that.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you.
Officer Robin: So when are we getting married?
Pastor Jeff: Uh...

Pastor Jeff: Which one says "Robin, I like you" but also says "God is watching, be cool"?
Mary: The blue one.

George: How'd you like to go out for dinner on Friday? Just you and me.
Mary: Why?
George: 'Cause you're my wife.
Mary: I was your wife last Friday, and we didn't go to dinner.
George: Mary, I'm asking you on a date.
Mary: Okay.
George: [chuckles] Is that a yes?
Mary: Sure.
George: All right, then.
Mary: If you did something stupid, I'm gonna find out.

Dr. Linkletter: Connie. So nice to see you.
Meemaw: Nice to see you, too. Sheldon, this is Dr. Linkletter.
Sheldon: Hello.
Dr. Linkletter: [holding out his hand] I've heard so much about you.
Sheldon: Apparently not how I feel about shaking hands.

Adult Sheldon: Since I no longer had a college class with Dr. Sturgis to stoke my intellectual fire, I needed to find someone else who was up to the task of being my mentor. A great mind. A once-in-a-generation thinker. Fortunately, my schedule was wide open.
Sheldon: School's in session.