George Jr.: Mind if I grab a beer?
Dale: I'm not your father.
Dr. John Sturgis: Hold on. This young man's underage.
Dale: So?
Dr. John Sturgis: So the laws of Texas are pretty clear on the subject.
Dale: Oh, what a surprise. There's one more thing you know more about than everybody else.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know why you're surprised.
Dale: I don't know why you're here.
George Jr.: I'm just gonna stick with Dr Pepper.

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm here because my friend George invited me.
Dale: Uh-huh. Well, your friend George invited you because he felt sorry for you.
Dr. John Sturgis: You know, Connie warned me you might behave like this, and she-she was right.
Dale: I don't know why the hell she ever went out with you.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, she did, and we got along famously.
Dale: Until you broke up with her after you got out of...
Dr. John Sturgis: Out of what? Say it!
Dale: Never mind.
George Sr.: Damn. Piddled on my shoe. What'd I miss?

Meemaw: So enough about me. How about you? You got your wings yet, or is that just in the movies?
Kenneth: It's a Wonderful Life. That's one of my favorites.
Meemaw: Ah, sorry. I didn't see you. I'll keep it down.
Kenneth: No, it's all right. I, uh talk to my wife all the time. I'm Kenneth. This is Vanessa.
Meemaw: Connie. This is Charlie. I'd introduce them, but they're neighbors. They probably know each other.
Kenneth: Well, if he complains about someone snoring, I'm sure it's her.
Meemaw: I didn't bury him with his hearing aid, so he's fine.

Dr. John Sturgis: Gentlemen. I'm no longer enjoying this outing, so I'm going home.
Dale: See ya.
George Sr.: H-Hang on, Dale. John, wait, you can't just leave. We're in the middle of nowhere.
Dr. John Sturgis: Not a problem. I have my compass, a flashlight and half a bag of GORP.

Dale: Let him go, George.
George Sr.: You want to tell Connie you lost her old boyfriend in the woods?
Dale: Well, he's a grown man for crying out loud. Let him do what he wants.
George Jr.: Well, that's an argument for me having a beer.
George Sr.: Shut up.

Dale: Boy, for a little guy, he's fast, ain't he?

George Jr.: I just got my ticket out of here.
George Sr.: Adios.
George Jr.: I'm serious. This thing is full of tips on how to make a fortune. Only cost me a dollar.
George Sr.: Is one of the tips "make a crappy newsletter and charge idiots a dollar for it"?
George Jr.: No, but not a bad idea.

George Jr.: Oh, platinum can be extracted from ordinary roadside gravel.
George Sr.: No, it can't.
Sheldon: Actually, it can. Catalytic converters contain platinum. Microparticles of that platinum are expelled in the exhaust and are mixed in with the gravel.
George Jr.: See? This thing's a gold mine.
Sheldon: It would be more apt to call it a platinum mine. [to George] I laughed at your joke.

Mary: Want to go to Dairy Queen?
Missy: I don't deserve Dairy Queen.
Meemaw: It's not your fault, honey. That other pitcher was almost a grown man. I think I saw him at the bar last night.

George Jr.: Let's mine some platinum.
Sheldon: No, thank you. I don't care about money.
George Jr.: But you care about science, right?
Sheldon: Of course.
George Jr.: So I offer you the chance to do an experiment and you'd rather play a video game? What would Professor Proton think?
Sheldon: He'd be disappointed.
George Jr.: So what do you say?
Sheldon: I say we collect gravel.

Dale: Way to go. Perfect.
Missy: Thank you, God.
Dale: How about, "Thank you, Coach"?
Missy: Thank you, Coach.
Dale: Too late.

George Jr.: Where do we start?
Sheldon: The first step is to put the gravel in these colanders, and then sift it over the tray to collect the dust.
George Jr.: It's like finding money in the street.
Sheldon: Why do you care so much about money?
George Jr.: You saw Back to the Future when their dad's rich at the end, his wife is all skinny and loves him way more.
Sheldon: So you want a wife who loves you because you have money?
George Jr.: A skinny wife.

Mary: I have something for you. You said you wanted a cross, and this is the one I used to wear when I was your age.
Missy: It's so pretty.
Mary: I'm glad you like it. It's a nice reminder that wherever you are, God is always with you. And it means a lot to me that you want to wear it.

Sheldon: I'd rather spend my time focusing on important things, like figuring out how the universe works.
George Jr.: So, say you figure out how the universe works. Then what?
Sheldon: I'm not sure, but in the meantime, I agree with Richard Feynman. I simply enjoy the pleasure of finding things out.
George Jr.: I agree with the Beastie Boys. You got to fight for your right to party.
Sheldon: Well, it's good to have a personal philosophy.

George Jr.: Dad, where's your power drill?
George Sr.: Why?
Sheldon: Our oven doesn't reach 2,000 degrees, so we're going to make a homemade kiln out of a garbage can.
George Sr.: And there go the plums.

Mary: Are you two trying to burn down the house?
Sheldon: No, we're trying to make platinum out of gravel.
George Sr.: You're not building a 2,000-degree oven.
George Jr.: Fine. Just so you know, I was gonna cut you in.
Sheldon: Really? You'll fight for your right to party but not for your right to make a device that'll exceed the melting point of lead?
George Jr.: Shut up.
George Sr.: [to Mary] Ooh, "Why can't you be thankful?"

Missy: What's your problem?
Sheldon: Mom and Dad won't let me build a kiln, so Georgie and I can't finish our experiment.
Missy: Before you tell me, I don't care what a kiln is.
Sheldon: Okay, but you'll never know it's a high-temperature oven.

Billy Sparks: Missy, will you rub your cross on my bat?
Missy: No.
Mary: Have you been doing that?
Missy: On mine. It's working great.
Billy Sparks: Please? I'll give you a dollar.
Missy: Fine.
Mary: What do you think you're doing?
Missy: Sharing God's love and making some cash. Absolutely not.
Billy Sparks: How about I give you the dollar?
Mary: God's love has nothing to do with money.
Missy: What about the collection plate at church?
Mary: That is different.
Billy Sparks: That's where I found this dollar.
Mary: Okay.
Billy Sparks: Bye.

George Jr.: So now we just wait for the concrete dust to dissolve and the lead to melt?
Sheldon: That's exactly right.
George Jr.: I know. I listen.
Sheldon: And you understand it?
George Jr.: I work in sales. I don't need to know what I'm talking about to make it sound good.
Sheldon: Don't you think it would make you better at your job if you understood the products you were selling?
George Jr.: No. People don't want to hear facts.
Sheldon: I do.
George Jr.: Normal people don't want to hear facts.
Sheldon: I'm normal.
George Jr.: Are you?
Sheldon: No, I'm special.

George Sr.: What were you thinking?
George Jr.: Well-
George Sr.: I don't want to hear excuses. You could've burned the school down. What do you have to say for yourselves?
George Jr.: I thought you didn't want to hear my excuses.
Sheldon: Oh, no, we didn't break into the classroom. Georgie had permission from the teacher.
George Jr.: That is not important right now.
George Sr.: So you think a teacher said it was okay for a ten-year-old and an idiot to use a 2,000-degree oven unsupervised?
Sheldon: You fibber. [gasps] You also stole my Nutter Butter.