Sheldon: Fine, the cat's name is Mittens.
George Jr.: Because he has little white feet?
Sheldon: Sure.
George Sr.: So, in this thought experiment, do you think Mittens is dead or alive?
Sheldon: There's no way of saying until you open the box.
George Jr.: Oh, come on.
Sheldon: Optimistically, I would choose to believe he's alive.
George Jr.: Yes!
George Sr.: Oh, thank goodness.

George Jr.: Dad, can we go to Reptile World?
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: They a got snake so big it can eat a whole chicken.
George Sr.: Oh, well, in that case, no.

George Sr.: You two share that bed, I'll take this one.
Sheldon: No.
George Jr.: Nuh-uh.
George Sr.: Come on, fellas, I'm the biggest. It makes sense that I get a bed to myself.
Sheldon: No.
George Jr.: Nuh-uh.
George Sr.: We'll flip for it. Georgie, call it.
George Jr.: Heads.
George Sr.: Not your day.
George Jr.: Dang it.
Sheldon: That looked like heads.
George Sr.: Go brush your teeth.

Meemaw: You ready to finish our conversation?
Mary: There's nothing to finish. I raised myself like a jungle child. End of story.

Meemaw: You think I didn't feel bad not being around more than I wanted to be?
Mary: Did you?
Meemaw: A little bit. I'm teasing, come on.

Meemaw: Why else would I have begged you and George to move back to Medford?
Mary: So you could be with your grandchildren.
Meemaw: And you.
Mary: Really?
Meemaw: Yeah. You're the only one of my children still talking to me.
Mary: No surprise there.
Meemaw: Besides, you raised yourself better than I ever could.
Mary: You actually believe that?
Meemaw: No, but it would help my cause if you did.

George Sr.: You want to sleep with me?
Sheldon: Yes, thank you.
George Sr.: Yeah. Got enough room?
Sheldon: Yes. You throw off a lot of heat.
George Sr.: Sorry.
Sheldon: That's all right. It's kind of nice.

George Sr.: Okay, here we go. One, two-
Sheldon: I still think we should wait till the rain slows down.
George Sr.: No, we got to get home. I got work tomorrow, you guys got school.
Sheldon: You do realize I'll get wet?
George Sr.: It's just water, Sheldon.
Sheldon: All right. Just making sure you realize.

George Sr.: Buddy, I thought we had a plan.
Sheldon: You had a plan.

Meemaw: I gravitate a little more towards Kirk.
Sheldon: Why?
Meemaw: [imitating William Shatner] Be-cause everything he says he makes sound so im-portant.
Sheldon: I should hope so, he's the captain.

George Sr.: Can you help me out here?
Sheldon: [Meemaw whispers to him] I'll do it if you take me to the train store.
George Sr.: You got it.
Sheldon: [Meemaw whispers again] And buy me whatever I want.
George Sr.: Connie, what are you doing?
Meemaw: [imitating William Shatner] Just providing my grand-son with financial guid-ance.
Sheldon: Don't mock the captain.

Sheldon: Oh, dear.
George Jr.: What's your problem?
Sheldon: No problem. I'll just tidy while we talk.

Sheldon: $20 isn't gonna do it.

Sheldon: So you collect all the terms linear in X. See? Simple.
George Jr.: Maybe for you.
Sheldon: No, it's simple for everybody. Now you collect all the terms linear in Y.
George Jr.: I don't get it.
Sheldon: Try this. Close your eyes.
George Jr.: 'Kay.
Sheldon: Can you see the slope of the line given by the coefficients of X and Y?
George Jr.: No.

George Jr.: Maybe the problem is you're not a good teacher.
Sheldon: Unlikely.

George Jr.: What do you see when you close your eyes?
Sheldon: I see quadrant one as red, quadrant two is soft and plush, quadrant three smells like lavender, and quadrant four is overlaid with a Fibonacci spiral.
George Jr.: That's really weird.
Sheldon: No. What's really weird is doing simple algebra and thinking about a girl in a bikini.
George Jr.: I disagree.

Adult Sheldon: It was at that moment I decided I was not cut out for teaching. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I was wonderful at everything else.

Adult Sheldon: Seeing my brother struggle was difficult for me. As his tutor, I took his failure personally, almost as if I had failed. Which was odd, because I knew how dumb he was.

George Sr.: Georgie, how'd you do on that math test today?
George Jr.: It was tough. I don't know.
Sheldon: I'm sorry I wasn't more help.
George Jr.: Me, too.
Mary: That's all right, baby, you tried.
Missy: Yeah. It's okay, baby.

Sheldon: This isn't over.
George Jr.: Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do?
Sheldon: All right, maybe it's over.