George Jr.: You can really remember when you were that little?
Sheldon: Uh-huh. You were there, too. You were still struggling with potty training.
George Jr.: [CHUCKLING]: I don't think so.
Sheldon: Oh, yes. Meemaw used to call you Mr. Soggy Pants.

Sheldon: Dad, could you please come into the living room?
George Sr.: What for?
Sheldon: My brain did something impressive and I'd like to share it with you.

George Sr.: What are you doing here?
Meemaw: Same as you. I want to see what his brain did.

Mary: How do you know the recipe, Shelly?
Sheldon: Meemaw told it to me on Valentine's Day, 1982. You were out with Dad seeing Cannonball Run at the dollar theater.

Meemaw: That's impossible, you weren't even two years old.
Sheldon: Three tablespoons of dried mustard, one cup of Lone Star beer-
Meemaw: Okay. Okay. Go ahead. Give it to your father.

Sheldon: I can write it down for you.
George Sr.: That's okay, I don't want it.
Missy: You have got to be kidding me.

George Sr.: Hey. I get it. I have a daughter. I wouldn't want her bringing home someone like that. But I've come a hell of a long way since then.
Meemaw: Okay, you're right. George, I'm sorry.
George Sr.: That means more to me than any recipe. Come here.

George Sr.: Here we go, maiden voyage. Mmm, mmm. Hot damn.

[in bed together]
George Sr.: Hot damn!
Mary: George, language!

[after flashing back his parents being intimate]
George Sr.: Sheldon, want some?
Sheldon: Uh, no, thank you. I'm not hungry.

George Sr.: Hey, pal. Playing with your rockets?
Sheldon: I'm trying to calculate ballistic coefficients.
George Sr.: Well, that's fun, too.

George Sr.: Listen, I don't have to work this weekend, I was wondering if you wanted to do something together.
Sheldon: Like what?
George Sr.: Whatever you want.
Sheldon: Well, the filter on my air purifier needs to be changed. How about a trip to Sears?

George Jr.: Shotgun!
Mary: No, no. Let your brother sit up front for a change.
Sheldon: I actually prefer sitting in the back. It's safer.

Mary: Oh, come on, sit up front with your daddy. He doesn't get to spend enough time with you.
George Jr.: I called shotgun.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: We'll flip a coin. All right? Georgie, call it.
George Jr.: Heads.
George Sr.: Tails.
George Jr.: Dang it.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you won. You get to ride up front.
Sheldon: Can't we do two out of three?
George Sr.: You won. Get in the car.
George Jr.: What's the point in calling shotgun?

Sheldon: Did you always want to be a football coach?
George Sr.: Well, I always wanted to play. At least till I got hurt.
Sheldon: Mm. Were you a good player?
George Sr.: Eh, not really. I was just bigger than the other kids.
Sheldon: So you compensated for mediocrity by being large.
George Sr.: I guess.
Sheldon: That works for cattle as well.
George Sr.: Oh, well, thanks for pointing that out.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

Mary: I don't like you making me out to be the bad guy just 'cause I won't let my daughter do whatever she wants.
Meemaw: I gave you a lot of freedom, you turned out okay.
Mary: You didn't give me freedom. You were never around.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Mary: I guarantee I made supper for Charlene and Edward more times than you ever did. I basically raised 'em.
Meemaw: You think I was out dancing? I was out working two jobs so your daddy could lose all our money on that damn chain of Fotomats!
Mary: It wasn't Daddy's fault that those little things blew over every time there was a storm.

Missy: Seriously, I'm melting.

George Jr.: Dead armadillo. That's three for me.

Sheldon: Fine, the cat's name is Mittens.
George Jr.: Because he has little white feet?
Sheldon: Sure.
George Sr.: So, in this thought experiment, do you think Mittens is dead or alive?
Sheldon: There's no way of saying until you open the box.
George Jr.: Oh, come on.
Sheldon: Optimistically, I would choose to believe he's alive.
George Jr.: Yes!
George Sr.: Oh, thank goodness.

George Jr.: Dad, can we go to Reptile World?
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: They a got snake so big it can eat a whole chicken.
George Sr.: Oh, well, in that case, no.