Mandy: Hey, I was thinking about doing something nice for Georgie's birthday.
Meemaw: How nice? 'Cause I'm all set with great-grandchildren for now.
Mandy: Well, I just gave birth and he's seeing another woman, so I was thinking maybe a cake and some of his favorite food.
Meemaw: That's sweet, you're gonna cook.
Mandy: Actually, uh... [looks pleadingly at Meemaw]
Meemaw: Okay. I'll do the food, you handle the cake.
Mandy: Great. Hey, uh, does Mary know how to bake?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Mandy: Perfect.

Missy: Do you hate Georgie?
Mandy: No. No, Georgie's a good guy. If anything, I hate myself for making bad decisions.
Missy: Like having sex before marriage?
Mandy: More like having tequila before sex.
Mary: Hey. What's going on here?
Missy: Mandy was just telling me how she got pregnant.
Mandy: No, no...
Missy: But you said...
Mandy: No.
Missy: No.

Meemaw: Well, the laundromat's a cash business.
Mandy: That's mostly just quarters, though, isn't it?
Meemaw: Uh, yeah, but, well, now we've got the video store, and I'm not real big on banks.
Mandy: Because you lived through the Depression?
Meemaw: Yeah. [insincere laugh]

George Jr.: All right, almost there.
Mandy: I don't know about this. The last surprise you got me is pressing on my bladder.

George Jr.: [sings] ♪ The stars at night ♪ ♪ Are big and bright ♪ [claps four times] ♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪ ♪ The prairie sky ♪ ♪ Is wide and high ♪ [Georgie and Meemaw clap four times] ♪ Deep in the heart of Texas. ♪ Remember, it's always four claps. Never three, always four.
Meemaw: You know who claps three times? Yankees.
George Jr.: And as Texans, we always remember the Alamo.
Meemaw: Otherwise, we might as well just live in Oklahoma. Blech.

Sheldon: While Dad's gone, I'm the man of the house, and the man of the house has to enforce the rules.
Missy: The man of the house is about to get his teeth knocked out.
Sheldon: Puberty's made you mean.
Missy: I need to know what happened on my show.
Sheldon: And you'll find out when your privileges are restored.
Missy: I can't wait that long, each episode builds on the last. Imagine a Star Trek that ends with "to be continued," and you don't get to continue.
Sheldon: That would never happen, because I follow the rules.
Missy: You are this close to a purple nurple.
Sheldon: [covers nipples] You leave my nurples alone.

Sheldon: I know a way for you to watch whatever you want.
Missy: How?
Sheldon: Your imagination.
Missy: That's stupid.
Sheldon: Did you know there's a German folk song about it?
Missy: Don't.
Sheldon: [sings] ♪ My thoughts will not cater ♪ ♪ To duke or dictator ♪ ♪ No man can deny ♪ ♪ Die gedanken sind frei. ♪ [talks] Where are you going?
Missy: Mom said no music.
Sheldon: [hums melody]