Sheldon: So I'm assuming you haven't taken the DARE pledge.
Paige: The what?
Sheldon: DARE. It's an acronym. It stands for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. It's not too late. You can take it now. I promise not to do drugs, to avoid violence, to be responsible, and to make responsible choices. Now you say it.
Paige: No.
Sheldon: I dare you. Clever, right? Because I still have all my brain cells.
Paige: Sheldon, just eat your pizza.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Mary: Too bad. We are going.
Sheldon: Class is starting tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere.
Mary: Sheldon, do not argue with me. You are going home.
Sheldon: Mom, the people of Germany are obsessed with rules and devoid of humor. I am home.

Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

Dale: Little late to start a movie.
Meemaw: It's 8:00.
Dale: We're saying the same thing.

Paige: I'm messing with you. It's just, sometimes life sucks, and it's easier not to deal with it.
Sheldon: Could you be more specific?
Paige: Um... well, I have no friends, I don't fit in anywhere, and I dropped out of college but I'm too young to get a job, so killing brain cells makes it easier.
Sheldon: Huh.
Paige: Go ahead, smart guy, fix me. [Sheldon is silent] Mm.
Sheldon: Well, give me a minute.

Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Paige: Would you believe me if I told you I was working on a femtosecond laser in the engineering department?
Sheldon: Yes.
Paige: Then that.