Sheldon: My parents are being completely unreasonable. They won't even let me drop out of school. And even after I told them that Bill Gates and Steve Jobs both dropped out of college.
Dr. John Sturgis: What did they say?
Sheldon: They said, "We don't care what your friends do, you're not dropping out."
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, Sheldon, I know it's disappointing, but, uh, I think they just have your best interests at heart.
Sheldon: They said that, too.
Dr. John Sturgis: And for every Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, there's a Paul Labiscous.
Sheldon: Who's that?
Dr. John Sturgis: Exactly.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Sheldon: Missy and I broke a lot of rules the other night, and we've received no punishment.
George Sr.: [sighs] Buddy, it's been a rough week. We're just glad you're both safe.
Sheldon: But in the absence of a divine being, society's rules are what keeps a person's morality in check.
George Sr.: Well, there you go.
Sheldon: No, y-you're not following me. If actions have no repercussions, society breaks down, everything devolves into chaos.
George Sr.: You might be overthinking this.
Sheldon: I thought so, too. Then I thought about it, and I'm not.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you had one bad night. Just let it go.
Sheldon: But... I did something wrong and I got away with it. That's not okay.
George Sr.: Buddy...
Sheldon: Socrates maintained that the man who lies to himself has an enemy living within. He's not even a person. He's just a chaos of selfish desires wrapped in an animal hide.

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

Sheldon: Good morning. I'm Sheldon Cooper. Thank you for taking the time to hear my proposal. I have some handouts.
Mr. Anderson: I-I'm sorry, who are you?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm... Sheldon Cooper. I'm here to pitch my idea for a grant computer database.
Mr. Anderson: How old are you?
Sheldon: When you hear my presentation, I believe you'll realize my age is irrelevant.
Mr. Anderson: So there's no adult with you?
Sheldon: Well, my mom drove me here, but I told her to wait in the car.
Mr. Anderson: Is this a joke?
Sheldon: I assure you, it's not. When I make jokes, I follow them with a "bazinga" so it's clear. Like this: "Bazinga."

Missy: And just so you know, Little Mermaid is rated G, and they totally kiss. On the lips.

Sheldon: No one will even listen to my ideas. I'm being discriminated against because I'm too young.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sorry to hear that.
Sheldon: I can't wait till I'm your age and people treat me with respect and reverence.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sometimes older people get discriminated against, too.
Sheldon: For what? Getting smaller and cuter year after year? Look at you.