Adult Sheldon: Nothing was able to shake me from my doldrums, not even Dr. Sturgis's jaunty new sweater-vest.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon?
Sheldon: Yes?
Dr. John Sturgis: You seem distracted.
Sheldon: I really wanted to see Stephen Hawking speak at Caltech, but my parents can't afford the trip.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's too bad. Dr. H puts on a heck of a show.
Sheldon: I believe it.
Dr. John Sturgis: Would it make you feel better to know this vest is reversible?
Sheldon: A little. Thanks.

George Jr.: [o.s.] It's actually a shampoo for ladies, but my hair just responds to it.

Mary: I don't feel I'm being out of line wanting to know how old this girl is or what church she goes to or her last name.
Meemaw: Owens. What? Now you know.
Mary: Unbelievable!
Meemaw: Oh, geez, you worry about Sheldon not being normal, now you're worried about Georgie being normal how did I raise such a turd?
Mary: I am not... that word.
Meemaw: If you can't say the word, you might be the word.

Mary: Georgie is my son I have the right to know who he's spending time with.
Meemaw: You talking about Jana?
Mary: You know her?
Meemaw: Well, I don't really know her. I've seen them hanging out together at Dale's store a couple of times. She's cute.
Mary: Great. So you know even more than I do.
Meemaw: Always have.

Sheldon: How do you recommend I "suck it up"?
Missy: I don't know, when you don't get your way, shut up and move on.
Sheldon: Is that what you do?
Missy: Yeah.
Sheldon: And that's why you don't have a computer.

Sheldon: Well, I may never get another chance to see him in person.
Missy: Suck it up. You always get everything you want.
Sheldon: That's not true.
Missy: You got a computer. I'm reading a booger book.

Sheldon: Mom and Dad won't take me to California to see Stephen Hawking.
Missy: You thought they would take you to California?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: They wouldn't even buy me this book at the book fair. I had to get it at the library. There's a booger on one of the pages.

Missy: Someone's Underoos are in a knot.
Sheldon: My Underoos are fitting just fine, thank you.
Missy: Then why is there a stick up your butt?
Sheldon: Stop making inquiries about my bottom.
Missy: But I enjoy it.

George Sr.: I have a job. I can't just leave in the middle of the week.
Sheldon: Well, then what about Mom?
Mary: Sorry, Shelly, we're not in a position to do this.
Sheldon: But Stephen Hawking's my hero. Imagine if you got a chance to see Jesus or Dad got to meet the man who invented beer.

Sheldon: Dad, good news. Airline tickets to California are more affordable than you think.
George Sr.: Sheldon, we're not going.
Mary: What's all this about?
Sheldon: Stephen Hawking is giving a lecture at Caltech. If we leave on Wednesday and are willing to make four layovers, in Boise, Denver, Albuquerque and Fargo, we can get there for only $95 each.

Mary: Why doesn't he tell me anything?
George Sr.: When you were a teenager, did you tell your parents stuff?
Mary: Well, no.
George Sr.: Then why do you expect him to?
Mary: 'Cause I'm a cool, fun mom.
George Sr.: [snickers]

Mary: I just want to know what's going on in your life. And if this girl is someone special to you, then she's special to me.
George Jr.: Come on.
George Sr.: Mary, enough.
Mary: What? I want to know.
George Jr.: Bye.
George Sr.: If it helps, I don't care.
George Jr.: It does. Thank you.

George Jr.: See ya.
Mary: Where you going?
George Jr.: Out with Jana.
Mary: You've been spending a lot of time with her lately. Is she your girlfriend?
George Jr.: Dad, can you make her stop?
George Sr.: Yeah, I could but I won't. Also, I can't.

Sheldon: Are there any discounts available?
Fran: Are you a member of any frequent-flier programs?
Sheldon: No, I've never flown before.
Fran: Well, ways to keep the cost down are: flying on weekdays, multiple layovers... Or, this probably doesn't apply, but airlines offer special fares if there's been a death in the family.
Sheldon: Interesting. May I use your phone?
[elsewhere:]
Meemaw: [answering phone] Hello?
[back:]
Sheldon: What else you got?

Fran: Hi. Can I help you?
Sheldon: I'm trying to find the cheapest flight to California for me and my father.
Fran: Okay. Well, have a seat. You lookin' to go to Disneyland?
Sheldon: The only ride I'm interested in is the intellectual roller coaster of Stephen Hawking's mind.
Fran: And where is that located?
Sheldon: Well... Stephen Hawking's head. But that will be at Caltech in Pasadena.

George Sr.: This is the moment we lost that game. But one bad play doesn't mean you give up. We had plenty of time to turn it around, but y'all decided it was over. I don't want to ever see that happen again. Next time something seems out of your reach, you do not quit. You just dig deeper.
Sheldon: [appears out of nowhere] Does that mean if I find an affordable flight to California, we can go?

George Sr.: There's no way we're going to California.
Sheldon: If Stephen Hawking can make it there in a wheelchair, I'm sure we can manage.
George Sr.: Sheldon, airplane tickets are expensive. Hotels are expensive. We can't afford it.
Sheldon: But his health is fragile. This might be my only chance to ever see him in person.
George Sr.: I'm sorry, buddy.
Sheldon: I would like to discuss this further, but I only have 22 seconds to be in the shower, and buttons slow me down.

Sheldon: So can we go?
George Sr.: I don't know. Go take a shower.
Sheldon: I still have two minutes and 15 seconds. Let's nail this down.
George Sr.: Where's the lecture? And if the answer's Dallas, we're not going.
Sheldon: Good news: it's not Dallas.
George Sr.: Where?
Sheldon: Pasadena, California.
George Sr.: California? That's a lot further than Dallas.
Sheldon: 1,232 miles further as the crow flies. But kudos to you for being up on your geography.

George Sr.: Tell me what you want.
Sheldon: What are we doing next weekend?
George Sr.: This ain't sounding like an emergency.
Sheldon: It is. Stephen Hawking is giving a lecture, and I really need to go.
George Sr.: Can we talk about this when I'm out of the shower?
Sheldon: Pick up the pace. According to the schedule that you don't read, I'm due in there in six minutes.

Sheldon: [knocking on bathroom door] Dad. Dad!
George Sr.: [o.s] I'm in the shower!
Sheldon: It's an emergency.
George Sr.: [o.s.] Fine! Come in.
Sheldon: [knocking on shower door] Dad?
George Sr.: I thought you had to use the bathroom.
Sheldon: At 7:23 in the morning? Why do I print out schedules if you're not going to read them?