["Turkey in the Straw" plays nearby]
Missy: Ice cream. Ice cream, Mom... can I?
Mary: Sure.
Missy: Ice cream! [runs off]
Mary: Don't you need money?
Missy: I need money! [runs back] Thank you.
Mary: Don't run!

Local TV Newscaster: In local news, Friday night's football game was marred by a brutal injury, when football coach George Cooper saved himself at the expense of beloved school librarian Cheryl Hutchins.
George Sr.: Oh, no.
Local TV Newscaster: We warn you, the following footage is hard to watch.
George Sr.: Well, then, don't show it.
Local TV Newscaster: Let's see it again in slow motion.
George Sr.: This is not news.

Sheldon: I'm really sorry, Mom.
Mary: I forgive you. But just because you straightened things out with Dr. Sturgis doesn't mean you're going back to college.
Sheldon: Yes, it does.
Mary: No, it doesn't.
Sheldon: I hope you know you're jeopardizing our relationship.
Mary: I will take that risk. [kiss] Good night.
Sheldon: You know I'll eventually wear you down.
Mary: We'll see. I'm pretty tough.
Adult Sheldon: I eventually wore her down. There's just so much of me anybody can take.

Mary: Thank you. I can't believe you got through to him.
Ms. Hutchins: Happy to help.
Missy: So, who was the person you had the fight with?
Ms. Hutchins: It was my cat, Poe. She ran away when I switched to dry food. It was cheaper.

Sheldon: How long do I have to sit here and sulk before someone asks me what's wrong?
Mary: Maybe people are tired of hearing about it.
Sheldon: Ms. Hutchins, would you care to chime in?
Ms. Hutchins: Oh, I-I don't want to get in the middle of a family issue, but... I will say that I once had a falling out with someone very close to me.
Sheldon: What happened?
Ms. Hutchins: We ended up parting ways on bad terms. I-I still regret it.
Sheldon: But you were right and they were wrong?
Ms. Hutchins: You know what, it doesn't feel like it matters anymore. And not a day goes by that I don't miss them.
Sheldon: Perhaps I do owe Dr. Sturgis an apology.
Ms. Hutchins: I was talking about your mother.
Sheldon: I'll circle back to her.

George Jr.: What'd I say?
Jana: [crying] I'm not enough for you.
George Jr.: I didn't say that.
Jana: Just be honest. You want to date other girls.
George Jr.: I don't want to date other girls instead of you, just... in addition to you.
Jana: Drop dead.
George Jr.: [starts engine] Okay, but I'm gonna follow you and make sure you get home safe!
Jana: Do whatever you want.
George Jr.: If you walk to Dairy Queen, I'll buy you a Blizzard. Want me to turn on some music?
[rock music plays]

Dale: So, as long as we're on the subject, are you seeing anybody else?
Meemaw: No.
Dale: How about that nutty professor?
Meemaw: We're just friends.
Dale: Yeah, well, that's what June and I are... just friends.
Meemaw: So what are we?
Dale: I don't know. What do you want to call it?
Meemaw: I guess, a... committed relationship.
Dale: Mm. Works for me.
Meemaw: Okay. It's settled.
Dale: ... Connie. This relationship is suffocating me. [chuckles]

Jana: I could kiss you forever.
George Jr.: Uh, that's kind of a long time.
Jana: You got somewhere else to be?
George Jr.: No. It's just that, eventually, we're gonna get hungry.
Jana: Why do I keep getting the feeling you're not into this?
George Jr.: Oh, I am into this.
Jana: But?
George Jr.: [exhales] I mean, we're real young, and who knows what's gonna happen?
Jana: I know. And you should, too.
George Jr.: Don't feel bad. I don't know lots of stuff.

Meemaw: I think it's nice that y'all get along as well as you do.
Dale: Mm-hmm. Where are we going with this?
Meemaw: Oh, just nothing. Makin' conversation.
Dale: Okay.
Meemaw: You sleeping with her?
Dale: Lord, no. She's my ex-wife. Come on. Oh, my gosh, what kind of sicko sleeps with their ex-wife? Where is this coming from? Are you jealous?
Meemaw: No. I'd just like to know, you know, what kind of relationship we're in. I mean, are we seeing other people or what?
Dale: Connie Tucker, are you asking me to go steady?
Meemaw: You know what I'm asking, jackass.
Dale: [chuckles] All right, all right, all right. You listen to me. Now, I'm 72 years old. Do you think I have enough stamina to go playing around with other women?
Meemaw: You saying the only reason you're seeing me is you're too old and tired to see anybody else?
Dale: [sighs] Give me the Tums.

Meemaw: So, you talk to June lately?
Dale: Uh, not in a couple of days. Why?
Meemaw: Oh, no reason. I was just kind of thinking about calling her myself. I mean, if you're okay with that.
Dale: You want to call my ex-wife, go ahead. Call her.
Meemaw: Well, I wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable.
Dale: Yeah, you would.
Meemaw: Yeah, I would.

Dale: You okay with Mexican?
Meemaw: Oh, yeah. Terrific.
Dale: All right. Now, I got Tums in the glovebox for the ride home.
Meemaw: Great.

Sheldon: Unlike my mother, who feels no guilt after hurting her children.
Mary: How dare you. I am trying to keep you safe until such a time as you can make adult decisions.
Sheldon: I can make them now.
George Sr.: Hey, hey. We have a guest. Let's pretend like we like each other. [chuckles] Mare, do your grace thing.

George Sr.: There we go. Nice little bite-size pieces.
Hutchins: Thanks, George, but I-I think I can manage.
George Sr.: No, no. My pleasure.
Missy: He feels so guilty, he'll do anything you ask him.
George Sr.: That's enough from you.
Missy: He bought me an Easy-Bake Oven when he closed the car door on my thumb.

Sheldon: What happened to your face?
George Sr.: Oh. Uh... either Edgar or Allan. [chuckles]
Ms. Hutchins: Oh, that was Edgar. He can be a rascal.

Sheldon: You're so lucky.
Ms. Hutchins: You're gonna have to walk me through that.
Sheldon: Well, you don't have anyone in your house telling you what you can or can't do.
Ms. Hutchins: Right, Sheldon. I don't have anyone.
Sheldon: I just said that. Are you becoming a drug addict already?

Missy: Being a mom's hard, isn't it?
Mary: Sometimes.
Missy: If you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you. Ooh, it's moving again.

Sheldon: I'm gonna go eat my breakfast with her.
Mary: Sheldon, just let her rest.
Sheldon: It's okay. She enjoys my company. Also, she understands what I'm going through with Dr. Sturgis.
Mary: Excuse me. I am just trying to help you grow up to be a functional adult.
Sheldon: Me? This one's looking for cereal ghosts.
Missy: Looking for and found 'em.

Mary: Mornin'.
Missy: Did you check on Ms. Hutchins? Is she still alive?
Mary: Of course she is. Why?
Missy: No reason.

Missy: Whoa.
Sheldon: What's that?
Missy: It's a ghost detector that came in my cereal box.
Sheldon: It's just a piece of paper.
Missy: Then why did it move in my hand?
Sheldon: From perspiration.
Missy: Or ghosts.

Meemaw: They ever leave the store together?
George Jr.: Can I please just go to bed?
Meemaw: Just answer the damn question.
George Jr.: I feel like I'm gonna get fired for this.
Meemaw: Georgie, don't worry. Anything you say is gonna stay right here.
George Jr.: But you lie all the time. I learned to lie from you.
Meemaw: See what a special bond we have? Now answer the damn question!