Georgie: I can't believe they gave us the train car.
Mandy: Well, my dad slipped the conductor five bucks.
Georgie: Classy.
Jim: So, what are you thinking? Couple buckets of spaghetti for the table?
George: Sure. Y-Yeah... and we're gonna split the tab. [Audrey elbows Jim]
Jim: It's all right, I got it.
George: Uh, Jim, come on.
Audrey: We didn't pay for a wedding, we can spring for some spaghetti.
Jim: I-In a bucket.
Audrey: We know.

Lyndon: All right. Let's get started.
Meemaw: Could you show a little respect and stand up?
Lyndon: One of those. George Marshall Cooper Jr., do you take Amanda Elizabeth McAllister to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Georgie: I do.
Lyndon: Amanda Elizabeth McAllister, do you take George Marshall Cooper Jr. to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Mandy: I do.
Lyndon: By the power vested in me by the great state of Texas, I now pronounce you husband and wife. [Mandy laughs] You may kiss the bride. [applause]
Meemaw: You can sit down now.

Audrey: [enters] Wait! Wait.
Meemaw: Wasn't me.
George: It was me. I called your dad.
Jim: [panting] Oh, that's a long hallway.
George: And those steps in front?
Jim: Brutal.

Mary: I know you're mad at me, and I am sorry, but can we please be a part of this wedding?
Missy: Yes, please. I only have one brother.
Mary: What about Sheldon?
Missy: Yeah.

Georgie: Hey, little girl. In a few minutes, you're gonna be legitimate.
Mandy: You saying she's illegitimate?
Georgie: Not me, just, you know, everybody.
Meemaw: If you want to smack him, I'll hold the baby.
Mandy: Nah, it's okay. Well, just in case.
Mary: [enters] Wait! Wait!
Mandy: What are they doing here?
Meemaw: I told them, and you can't smack me 'cause I'm holding the baby.

Georgie: So we're really not gonna invite our folks?
Mandy: Is that okay?
Georgie: Mm, I guess the only person I need there is you.
Dale: Oh. A spite wedding. I had one of those.
Meemaw: Shut up. Let me get my purse.

Mandy: Y'all got anything going on today?
Meemaw: Not much.
Dale: Well, I had a nap on the docket.

Mandy: What do you want?
Georgie: I brought you some flowers.
Mandy: You didn't have to do that.
Georgie: I had to do something to apologize.
Mandy: For?
Georgie: For... not being on your side?
Dale: Attaboy.
Mandy: Thank you.

Mandy: So, what am I gonna do? I mean, I live with Mary, and... I'm stuck with my mother.
Meemaw: Well, there have to be consequences. Maybe you could start by cutting off access to CeeCee for a little while.
Mandy: Yeah, but then I have no babysitters.
Meemaw: Well, let's keep thinking.
Mandy: Unless you two are volunteering.
Dale: Keep thinking.

Meemaw: You know, sometimes grandparents just think they can do whatever they want.
Mandy: And they can't.
Meemaw: That's right. Great-grandparents, on the other hand, well, they get a free pass.
Dale: 'Cause they got one foot in the grave.
Meemaw: Take a break.

Mandy: I'm not a lawyer, but you could make the argument that my child was kidnapped, twice. And you'd think Georgie would be on my side, but he wasn't even upset.
Meemaw: Well, you know, sometimes men can be... idiots.
Dale: Lovable idiots.

Sheldon: Well, you're lucky it was just a baby and not a computer.
Georgie: It don't look broken.
Sheldon: "Doesn't." And it isn't.
Georgie: "Ain't."
Sheldon: Point is, my roommate went behind my back.
Georgie: Did he at least mean well?
Sheldon: Absolutely. He's a nice fella.
Georgie: Then what's your problem?
Sheldon: I'll show you.
Computer Voice: Check. Checkmate. Computer wins.
Sheldon: And it's set to novice level.
Georgie: I don't understand a damn thing I'm looking at.

Georgie: It's for my daughter. Mom baptized her in the kitchen sink, and Mandy's mom did it in a Catholic church.
Sheldon: Sure. Baptists versus Catholics. Much blood was shed over that in the 1500s.

Georgie: Let me ask you a question. Can you un-baptize somebody?
Sheldon: Well, since it's a magical ceremony that doesn't mean anything, then, sure, why not? In the name of science and reason, I un-baptize you.
Georgie: No, not me. Put it back.
Sheldon: Oh. Okay. Control-Z. You're baptized.

Georgie: Mind if I crash here tonight?
Sheldon: I do.
Georgie: Yeah, well, I'm crashing here tonight.
Sheldon: Fine.