Dale: Oh, Connie. H-How much is bail?
Officer Gilroy: Won't know till Monday.
Meemaw: What?
Officer Gilroy: Judge left town for the weekend.
Meemaw: Well, get him back.
Officer Gilroy: Can't. Gone fishing.
Dale: Beautiful day for it. Where'd he go?
Meemaw: Dale.
Dale: Right.

Dale: Why are you handcuffed? Why is she handcuffed?
Officer Gilroy: She's a flight risk.
Dale: What is she talking about?
Meemaw: I was just taking the baby for a walk, and Cagney and Lacey here decided that I was evading arrest.

Dale: Hey.
Meemaw: Took you long enough.
Dale: Yeah, I'm old. I had to go to the bathroom.

Meemaw: And the thing you need to know about slot machines is that they provide the house with a 17% edge. And that... is a whole lot of edge for Meemaw and your daddy.
[Meemaw looks at the CCTV camera and sees two cop cars out back]
Meemaw: Huh? Ooh, that ain't good.
[Meemaw rushes with CeeCee in her stroller through the laundromat towards the front door]
Woman: Excuse me.
Meemaw: I don't work here!
[Meemaw calmly pushes CeeCee's stroller up the sidewalk. When a police siren wails, Meemaw picks up the pace.]
Police Officer: [over P.A.] Connie Tucker? Please stop running. [siren wails]

Georgie: You know, through all the rush, we didn't really talk about it, but are you gonna take my name?
Mandy: Is it important to you?
Georgie: I don't know, I'd kind of like people to know we're a family. You know, the Coopers, Georgie and Mandy Cooper. [laughs softly] I'd go to a barbecue at their house. [both chuckle]
Mandy: Well, why don't you take my name?
Georgie: I'm trying to have a serious conversation, and you're making jokes.
Mandy: Why is it a joke?
Georgie: Maybe that'd fly in New York City, but in Texas, I'd get my ass kicked.
Mandy: Maybe we should move to New York City.
Georgie: Okay, there's just some things you don't joke about.

Mandy: Hey, why don't we look around for wedding rings in Tennessee?
Georgie: Hmm. Maybe they sell them at Dollywood.
Mandy: If it's all the same, I'd rather not get my wedding ring at the same place they sell corn dogs.
Georgie: Oh, corn dogs. We're definitely getting corn dogs. [Mandy laughs]

Meemaw: I got to go open up the gambling room. Can you watch her for about an hour?
Dale: I just had coffee and a bowl of Raisin Bran. Next hour is spoken for.
Meemaw: You could've just said no.
Dale: I'm trying to keep the romance alive.

Mary: Oh, and I can watch the baby.
Audrey: Or me, the one who just paid for your honeymoon.
Mandy: You two are on probation. I don't want to come home and find out there was an exorcism. Connie, will you do it?
Meemaw: I would love to.
Dale: Wait a minute, it's my house. Don't I have a say?
Meemaw: No.
Dale: I don't have a say.

Mandy: So, where are we going?
Audrey: What would you say to an all-expenses-paid weekend at Dollywood?
Missy: Shut up.
Mandy: Oh, my God. Thank you.
Georgie: That's amazing.
Missy: Oh, I'm definitely getting married.
Sheldon: And I won't be going.

Audrey: [glass clinking] Amanda, Georgie, since your father and I didn't get to give you a proper wedding, we'd like to pay for a honeymoon.
Mandy: [gasps] Wow, really?
Mary: [quietly] Should we offer to split.. [George shakes his head]
Georgie: Mr. McAllister, really appreciate it, but that's not necessary.
Jim: First of all, no more of this "Mr. McAllister" stuff, okay? It's Jim.
Georgie: Thank you, Jim. Uh, very kind, Jim. This feels weird, Jim.

Jim: Here we are. Grab a shovel and dig in. There you go.
Dr. Linkletter: I spent the summer in Italy once.
Georgie: Bringing back memories?
Dr. Linkletter: No.

Sheldon: So, you and my brother got married and no one invited me?
Mandy: Sorry, it was kind of a last-minute thing.
Sheldon: No, I was thanking you. I hope that, someday, my sister won't invite me to her wedding.
Missy: I won't.
Sheldon: Thank you.

Sheldon: Hello.
Mary: Oh, good, you're here. Oh, thank you for bringing him, Dr. Linkletter.
Georgie: Well, you hungry? Have a seat.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I do have a half can of tuna waiting for me at home, but what the hey?

Meemaw: [clears throat] I would like to propose a toast... to Mandy and Georgie. Your relationship started out with lies and deceit, which usually happens later on in marriage.
Dale: Where is this going?
Meemaw: But you two got it out of the way right up front. So I think the odds are in your favor... for having a lifetime of love and happiness. To Mandy and Georgie... [blows a kiss] and CeeCee. [glasses clink]
Dale: Way to bring it home, baby.
Meemaw: I can do heartfelt.

Dale: I-I'm happy to chip in.
George: No, no. No, this is between me and him. And we're splitting it.
Missy: Dad, we're poor. Let him pay.
Mary: We are not poor.
Audrey: Wouldn't matter either way.
Mary: But we're not.