George Jr.: Ooh.
George Sr.: Found it?
George Jr.: No, this is her French toast.
George Sr.: You're not looking for French toast.
George Jr.: She does make it good, though.

George Jr.: What are you doing?
George Sr.: [GASPS] Nothing! Get out of here.
George Jr.: You're looking for her brisket recipe.
George Sr.: All of a sudden you got smart? I said get out of here.

George Sr.: I'll be right back.
George Jr.: Mind if I have a sip of your beer?
George Sr.: You mind if I dip your head in the compost heap?
George Jr.: You could have just said no.

George Jr.: And I wasn't eavesdropping.
George Sr.: Don't worry about it.
George Jr.: I just don't see why I got grounded.
George Sr.: What are you complaining about? You didn't want to go to church picnic anyway.
George Jr.: I like complaining. I'm good at it.

Mary: You know this all goes away if you just give him your recipe for the brisket.
Meemaw: I know.
Mary: And?
Meemaw: I guess it's not going away.

Sheldon: Are you and Dad getting a divorce?
Mary: 'Course not.
Sheldon: Well, if you do, I want to live with you.
Mary: Sheldon, no one's getting a divorce. But thank you, honey.

Meemaw: Is this about the recipe?
Missy: I bet he's mad 'cause you always side with Meemaw.
Mary: And how would you know that?
Missy: Georgie told me.

Sheldon: How come Georgie's not going?
Mary: He's grounded for eavesdropping on me and your father.
Missy: Well, I hope he learned his lesson.

Missy: I thought Dad was coming.
Mary: No, he had work to do.
Missy: What kind of work?
Mary: I don't know. Coaching stuff.
Missy: Can't he do it after the picnic?
Mary: No, Missy, he cannot.
Missy: Why not?
Mary: Enough.

Sheldon: What's going on?
Missy: Mom and Dad are fighting.
Sheldon: What about?
Missy: Brisket. If they get a divorce, who do you think you'll pick to live with?
Sheldon: Well, Mom, of course.
Missy: I want Mom. Pick again.

[Missy outside her parents' bedroom eavesdropping on their conversation]
George Sr.: Like I'm some kind of loser, a booby prize.
Missy: Booby prize.
Mary: What was that? [Missy runs away and knocks on Georgie's door, he comes out just as Mary opens her door] Georgie, you mind your own business.
George Jr.: What did I do?

George Sr.: That's it. 15 years in this family, and all the time I've been nothing but a good, supportive son-in-law. I always treated your daughter right, I gave you three beautiful grandchildren. Only thing I ever asked in return was that damn recipe.
Meemaw: You're right. Get another piece of paper. I'll write it down.
George Sr.: Don't mess with me, Connie.
Meemaw: Get the paper before I change my mind.
Mary: You're gonna do it to him again, aren't you?
Meemaw: I kind of have to.

Mary: All right, that's enough about the brisket. You kids excited for the church picnic tomorrow?
George Jr.: Not really.
Missy: I don't know.
Mary: Oh, come on. You all saw the flier. The three "F"s: food, fun and fellowship.

Meemaw: Now, this is for your eyes only. You're not to share it with anybody.
George Sr.: I never I would never. [reading the note] You're a horrible person.
George Jr.: What'd it say?
Missy: I want to know what it said.
Sheldon: Me, too.
George Sr.: Just eat.
Mary: Can I read it? [reading the note] You are a horrible person.

George Sr.: I might make it this weekend.
Mary: Or you could try a vegetable.
George Sr.: Vegetable? That's funny.

Meemaw: I tell you what. You go get a piece of paper and a pencil, I'll write it down for you.
George Sr.: Okay. It's happening!
Mary: That's the fastest I've seen him run.
Sheldon: It's the only time I've seen him run.

Meemaw: Mean that much to you?
George Sr.: Mary and I were dating about a month when she brought me home for dinner. I took one bite of this brisket, and I knew I loved your daughter.
Mary: Gee, thanks.
George Jr.: Kind of like Sleeping Beauty, except Dad kissed meat.

George Sr.: Connie, one of these days, you got to give me the recipe.
Meemaw: You bet. For sure. One of these days.

George Jr.: This is really good, Meemaw.
Meemaw: Really good? You're spitting the best brisket in Texas all over the damn table.
Mary: Close your mouth when you eat.
Sheldon: Or aim your face the other way.

Adult Sheldon: The average American consumes 55 pounds of beef per year. And then there's Texas, where we can knock that off in a couple of months. Maybe faster, if we're talking about smoked brisket curiously, the one cut of beef that Texans and Jews agree upon.