George Sr.: Thanks for hearin' me out.
Herschel Sparks: Your wife sent you over here, didn't she?
George Sr.: I don't want to talk about it.
Herschel Sparks: I bet she did!
George Sr.: Not talkin' about it!
Herschel Sparks: Tell her I said hi!

Herschel Sparks: I don't know what to tell you, George. I mean, is it, is it possible your son has a little crush on her?
George Sr.: Oh, I don't think he's wired that way.
Herschel Sparks: Oh, are you saying that he's a-
George Sr.: No, no, I'm saying he's a bookworm. Unless she's math or a dictionary, he ain't interested.

Herschel Sparks: Anyway, how can I help?
George Sr.: Uh, well It's come to my attention that, uh, Sheldon's run into a bit of trouble with your daughter.
Herschel Sparks: What kind of trouble?
George Sr.: He says she been beating on him.
Herschel Sparks: My Bobbi?
George Sr.: Yeah.
Herschel Sparks: This one? The six-year-old? Bobbi, get over here! You realize I've taken dumps bigger than this kid.

Herschel Sparks: Well, howdy, neighbor.
George Sr.: Hey, Herschel.
Herschel Sparks: What brings you by? Chickens too loud?
George Sr.: Nah, they been fine.
Herschel Sparks: Good, good. Fried up the noisy one last week. That shut him up.

George Sr.: Hey, Billy.
Billy Sparks: Hello, Missy's dad.
George Sr.: Is your father home?
Billy Sparks: Yes.
George Sr.: Could you get him for me?
Billy Sparks: Happy to. Dad, it's Missy's dad! He's also Sheldon's dad.

Mary: George. You need to talk to her parents.
George Sr.: Me? Why me?
Mary: Because you're more intimidating than me.
Meemaw: That's rich.

George Sr.: I wonder if stray cats poop in that sandbox.

Mary: She looks harmless.
Meemaw: She's cute. So she probably gets away with stuff. I'm like that.

George Sr.: The little Sparks girl?
Mary: You're kidding. She seems so sweet.
George Jr.: He says she slaps him around, takes his lunch money. She even put a tadpole down his shirt.
Meemaw: Poor kid. He tucks in those shirts.

George Jr.: So there I was flying above the city, but when I woke up, I couldn't fly.
Sheldon: That's like the dream you had where you were dating Madonna, but when you woke up, you weren't.
George Jr.: Exactly. You ever have the ones where your teeth are falling out? Better my teeth than my hair, but-

Mary: Well, I need you to look after him.
George Jr.: Why?
Mary: Because I'm your mother, and I'm asking you nicely.
George Jr.: What if I don't want to?
Mary: I don't care, you're doing it.
George Jr.: How was that nice?

Mary: Look, somebody has been picking on your brother. You know anything about it?
George Jr.: No.
Mary: You better not be covering for anybody.
George Jr.: I'm not. Most kids at school ignore him, and the girls all think he's cute. It's kind of annoying.

Mary: Georgie, I need to talk to you, and wake up, you're gonna be late.
George Jr.: Got it covered. I sleep in my clothes.

Mary: Why aren't you more upset about this?
George Sr.: I am. I just think we should proceed with caution.
Mary: Someone is hurting our son.
George Sr.: I understand. But handling bullies is tricky. It's easy to make things worse.
Mary: And what makes you the expert?
George Sr.: Honey, I was a bully.

George Sr.: You go with him.
Missy: But my cereal's gonna get soggy.
George Sr.: Go.
Missy: [sighs] I'd like one nice morning.

Mary: What's all this?
Sheldon: An extra layer of protection.
Meemaw: Protection from what?
Mary: Sweetie, is someone bothering you?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: Who is it?
Sheldon: I'd rather not talk about it.
Mary: No, I want a name right now.
George Sr.: Mary.
Mary: Have you been hurting him?
Missy: Only with my words.

Mary: Shelly, you all right?
Sheldon: Yes. I must be a little sore from doing jiu-jitsu with Tam yesterday.
George Sr.: Why were you doing jiu-jitsu?
Sheldon: We're boys. Roughhousing is what we do.

Meemaw: I bowled a new high score last night.
George Sr.: Nice.
Meemaw: I got two turkeys.
Missy: What's a turkey?
Meemaw: It's three strikes in a row.
Missy: Why do they call it a turkey?
Meemaw: Well, when they first invented bowling, they used to just throw frozen turkeys at the pins. Eventually, they switched to balls to cut down on the smell.
George Sr.: Why you lying to her?
Meemaw: I find it keeps my mind sharp.

Sheldon: This leg lock is called an Outside Ashi Garami.
Tam: What happens next?
Sheldon: That depends, is this your foot or mine?

Tam: And what happens when I get to you?
Sheldon: I'll use your inertia to take you down.
Tam: Okay. [Tam runs at Sheldon, who tries to grapple Tam and pull him to the ground] And when does inertia take me down?
Sheldon: Any second. [Later, Tam has his arms wrapped around Sheldon as he tries to struggle free]I don't care I don't understand. I'm using physics.