Sheldon: The book says jiu-jitsu is based on using your attacker's momentum against them. It's just physics. Come at me.
Tam: Like, run at you?
Sheldon: Well, I'm new to this, so maybe just walk quickly.

Sheldon: You know, one of the books mentioned a Vietnamese martial art.
Tam: Vovinam. I'm a blue belt.
Sheldon: Wow.
Tam: Don't be impressed. It's what you get when your mom buys the uniform.
Sheldon: Do you remember any of it?
Tam: I don't even know where the belt is.

Tam: Jiu-jitsu?
Sheldon: I've decided to learn self-defense.
Tam: Why?
Sheldon: I'm quite small, and will be for several years, maybe even more if I'm a late bloomer.
Tam: Your dad's big, maybe you'll take after him.
Sheldon: We both like my mom. I think that's where the similarities end.

Sheldon: Homo novus needs a Yoo-hoo.

Adult Sheldon: The perilous journey from the bus stop to my front door was 97.5 meters. FYI, insisting on using the metric system in East Texas is another reason I was hunted by predators.

Luis: Cooper. Your stop.
Sheldon: Would you mind dropping me off closer to my house?
Luis: You know I'm not allowed to do that.
Sheldon: What if I did your taxes?
Luis: Sorry, kiddo.
Sheldon: I could've gotten you a nice refund.

Adult Sheldon: In any ecosystem, you'll find a delicate balance between predator and prey.
Some well-known predators include Panthera leo, Ursus arctos, and star of the 1987 film Predator, Predator. Now, examples of prey include Oryctolagus cuniculus, Gallus gallus domesticus, and weighing in at 58 pounds soaking wet, Diminutive homo novus Curiously, a close relative of Gallus gallus domesticus.

Missy: I think I see his underpants.
Meemaw: I told you. Theatre folk just love to show off their business.

Adult Sheldon: I'd tell you how an East Texas audience in 1989 responded to a grown man playing Annie, but I think you know.

Adult Sheldon: Mr. Lundy gave a compelling speech. The audience did deserve to see what they came for, an eager boy bravely taking on the role of Little Orphan Annie. And in that respect, they were not disappointed.

Sheldon: I can't do this.
Mr. Lundy: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: The play, I can't do it. There are too many people out there.
Mr. Lundy: Oh, that is just stage fright. That's completely normal.
Sheldon: No, this is a full-blown panic attack.
Mr. Lundy: All right, listen to me. You're feeling scared. I get that, but what you have to understand is you're not going out on that stage alone. Everybody, gather around, hmm? Uh, Sheldon, have you ever been to the circus?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mr. Lundy: Okay, good.
Sheldon: I had a panic attack there, too.

Mr. Lundy: Okay, everybody, ten minutes to curtain. No smiling, girls, it's a hard knock life.

Mary: We're going to support your brother. Not another word about it.
George Sr.: Can we at least sit in the back?
Mary: Not a word.

Meemaw: Okay, who's excited?
George Jr.: I don't want to see Sheldon's stupid play, it's humiliating.
Missy: That's why I want to see it.

George Sr.: I'm trying to protect you, son.
Sheldon: I appreciate that.
George Sr.: Good.
Sheldon: You're a football coach. Isn't it your responsibility to put in the best player for the job?
George Sr.: I guess.
Sheldon: Well, I want to do this, and Mr. Lundy said I was the best.
George Sr.: Okay. Can you at least wear pants instead of a dress?
Sheldon: I'll give you a definite maybe.

Sheldon: You know, Sandy Duncan plays the part of Peter Pan-
George Sr.: Yeah, yeah, I heard.

George Sr.: I want to talk to you about this play.
Sheldon: I'm excited about it, too.
George Sr.: You know, if you play the part of a girl, people might make fun of you.
Sheldon: Mr. Lundy's trying to push the boundaries of drama in East Texas. One way to do that is cross-gender casting.
George Sr.: Let me rephrase that: if you play the part of a girl, people will make fun of you.
Sheldon: In Shakespeare's time, the men played all the female parts. No one made fun of it.
George Sr.: If Shakespeare went to public high school, it'd be a different story.

Meemaw: Now, I was a little unsure at first, but Sandy Duncan does play Peter Pan, so when you think about it-
George Sr.: Connie, you're not helping.
Meemaw: Okay.

[Sheldon performs the splits and Mr. Lundy jumps on to a chair]
Sheldon: That looked dangerous.
Mr. Lundy: No, that looks dangerous.

Sheldon: Poor naked wretches, whereso'er you are, that bide the pelting of this pitiless storm.
How shall your houseless heads and unfed sides, your looped and windowed raggedness defend you from seasons such as these? Oh, I've ta'en too little care of this. Take physic, pomp. Expose thyself to feel what wretches feel, that thou may shake the superflux to them and show the heavens more just.
Mr. Lundy: Holy mackerel.