Peg: - What's that about?
Mary: Oh, just trying not to breathe the smoke in.
Peg: [chuckles] Come on. It already went through the filter and my lungs. This stuff is squeaky clean. [coughs]
Mary: Well, still.
Peg: He's all yours, your highness.

George Jr.: What's going on?
Sheldon: [mumbles:] I'm learning to play the violin.
Missy: It's my new favorite show.

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Missy: I was gonna watch DuckTales, but this looks funnier.

Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: What does it look like?
Missy: Like you're looking for another excuse for kids to pick on you.

Mary: If I'm pregnant, George is gonna flip out.
Meemaw: I'm sure he would at first. Then he would calm down. Take a few beers. Maybe some malt liquor.
Mary: I suppose. [sighs] The truth is, he and I were both freaked out about having twins. But now I can't imagine life without them.
Meemaw: Well, see, there you are. So, no matter what that test says, you're gonna be okay.
Mary: You're right.
Meemaw: What's it say?
Mary: [sighs] I'm gonna go buy that malt liquor.

Meemaw: You know what you need to do?
Mary: Yes.
Meemaw: How's it going?
Mary: It'd be a lot easier to pee if you'd stop talking.
Meemaw: Sorry.
Mary: Now it's too quiet. Say something.
Meemaw: I know you didn't expect this, and you still might not be, but but if it turns out you are I'm here for you.

Sheldon: When is my first lesson?
Ms. Fenley: I'm pretty busy right now. But I can give you this in the meantime.
Sheldon: "Anyone Can Play Violin." They don't set the bar very high.

Billy Sparks: Hi, Mrs. Cooper!
Mary: [whispers:] Hi, Billy.
Billy Sparks: Are you playing hide-and-seek?
Mary: Um, yeah. Don't tell anybody. Shh.
Billy Sparks: Bye, Mrs. Cooper!

Meemaw: Dr. Sturgis and I have been dating for some time and we really try to be careful, but you know how it is. Heat of the moment.

Meemaw: Uh, I need a pregnancy test.
Nelson: Sure. We have a few options.
Brenda Sparks: Hey, Connie.
Meemaw: Oh, hey, Brenda. [to Nelson] Oh, you-you pick.
Brenda Sparks: Is that a pregnancy test?
Meemaw: Uh, yeah. [quietly:] It's for me.
Brenda Sparks: Really?
Meemaw: Yes. I come from a long line of really fertile women. My mother had me when she was 57. Can you believe it?
Brenda Sparks: I don't think I can.

Mary: I don't see them.
Meemaw: Excuse me. Where do you keep your pregnancy tests?
Mary: Mom.
Mary Sue: Behind the counter at the pharmacy.
Meemaw: Thank you.
Mary: Would you please be a little more discreet?
Meemaw: She doesn't know it's for you.
Mary: Well, it sure isn't for you.

Ms. Fenley: But I have to warn you, it can be a frustrating instrument to learn.
Sheldon: Can you play it?
Ms. Fenley: Yes.
Sheldon: I'll be fine.

Sheldon: Hello.
Ms. Fenley: Hi, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I'd like to learn to play the violin.
Ms. Fenley: Really? Well, that's terrific. Do you have any experience with stringed instruments?
Sheldon: Stringed instruments, no. String theory, yes. That was a joke. I'm a joker.

Meemaw: I think you might be getting way ahead of yourself.
Mary: I'm telling you, I just know.
Meemaw: You were also convinced that Georgie was gonna be a girl.
Mary: That's true. Although he does have very pretty hair.

Meemaw: So do you have reason to think that you might be?
Mary: Well, we try to be safe, but you know, heat of the moment.
Meemaw: Still? After three kids and that beer belly hanging over his pants?
Mary: Mom?

Meemaw: Are you sure?
Mary: Yes. I'm late.
Meemaw: How late?
Mary: Two days.
Meemaw: Oh, two days. That's nothing.
Mary: Last time I was two days late, I had the twins.
Meemaw: Last time I was two days late, I had menopause. [chuckles] Just trying to lighten the mood.

Meemaw: What is going on?
Mary: Well-
Meemaw: Well, what?
Mary: I'm trying to say it.
Meemaw: You woke me up. Spill it or I'm going back to bed.
Mary: I'm pregnant.
Meemaw: I'm awake now.

George Sr.: What do y'all want for lunch?
Sheldon: Peanut butter and jelly, please.
George Sr.: Great. Missy?
Missy: Tuna salad on rye toast, with sliced pickles and-
George Sr.: Two PBJs, got it.

Mary: I got to go talk to my mom.
George Sr.: Everything okay?
Mary: Yeah, she's just got some problems she's dealing with. Kind of personal. Will you make the kids lunch?
George Sr.: Ah, do I have to?
Mary: George?
George Sr.: Happy to.

Sheldon: Did you know Einstein loved playing the violin?
Missy: So?
Sheldon: He believed music helped him formulate his theories.
Missy: So?
Sheldon: Einstein was arguably the greatest scientific mind of the 20th century. If music helped him, maybe it could help me.
Missy: So?