Meemaw: [on the phone] So you want me to help you teach an old dog new tricks?
Sheldon: I feel like if I said that you would have hung up.
Meemaw: Look, it can't be easy for them to be taught by somebody your age. I think you're just gonna have to be a little understanding and patient.
Sheldon: Patient? They could drop dead at any mome... [Meemaw hangs up]
Meemaw: [answers phone] What?
Sheldon: Despite this challenging exchange, you know I love you.
Meemaw: Yeah, yeah.

Meemaw: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Hello, Meemaw.
Meemaw: Well, isn't this a nice surprise?
Sheldon: You're old. Can you still learn new things? [Meemaw hangs up]
Meemaw: [answers phone] Want to try that again?
Sheldon: I need your help.
Meemaw: I'm listening.
Sheldon: I'm trying to teach Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis string theory, and they're struggling. I'm worried that their advanced age is a factor. And since you're also...
Meemaw: Careful.
Sheldon: ... in the winter of your life... [call disconnects]
Meemaw: [answers phone] You were saying?
Sheldon: And since you're also a wise and mature woman...
Meemaw: Go on.
Sheldon: ...you might have some tips on how best to educate others in your peer group.

George: I'm here about a vasectomy.
Anita: Actually, our earliest appointment is in three weeks.
George: Hmm. That long, huh?
Pat: [enters from patient room] I can't do it. I cannot do it.
Anita: Something may have just opened up.

Mary: Tell me you don't miss their sweet little faces.
George: That's why we took pictures.
Mary: It's not the same as rocking 'em to sleep at night.
George: Until they wake you up at 3:00 a.m.
Mary: And smelling their little heads.
George: Really? That's the smell you remember?
Mary: Come on. It wasn't that bad.
George: It wasn't, but... we were younger then.
Mary: I'm not saying we should try for another one.
George: Great.
Mary: I'm just saying, if there was an accident... it might be a happy accident.
George: Mm-hmm. I guess it's in God's hands.
Mary: I guess it is.

George: Hey. What you doing?
Mary: The twins' first birthday. Look how little they were.
George: Well, look how little I was.
Mary: And Georgie when he lost his first tooth.
George: When he learned it was worth a quarter, he tried pulling the rest of 'em.
Mary: Guess he's always been a businessman.
George: He ain't an idiot.

Dr. Linkletter: Son, we are accomplished scientists. We won't be treated like this.
Sheldon: Very well.
[flashback:]
Professor Salzman: Class, who knows where the dummkopf went wrong?
Sheldon: Dummkopf? You're calling me a dummy?
[present:]
Sheldon: There's also public humiliation. That was quite effective. Are you old dummkopfs ready to learn, or is it past your bedtime?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I'm good till at least 7:30.

Dr. John Sturgis: Why are you hitting us?
[flashback:]
Mei-Tung: Wrong.
Sheldon: Ow! Why'd you hit me?
Mei-Tung: Pain is the best teacher.
[present:]
Sheldon: I'm teaching you.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, it feels like you're hitting us.
Sheldon: Like you, I struggled with these concepts, but eventually, I mastered them, through hard work, resilience and a healthy dose of knuckle whacking.

Sheldon: If W is the Kähler metric on the algebraic variety X, and the canonical bundle KX is trivial, then X is what?
Dr. John Sturgis: A Zariski space.
Sheldon: Wrong. [slaps Dr. Sturgis's hand with his pencil]
Dr. John Sturgis: Hey!
Dr. Linkletter: Obviously, it's an elliptic curve.
Sheldon: Wrong. [slaps Dr. Linkletter's hand with the pencil]
Dr. Linkletter: Hey!

Principal Petersen: If you don't want another one, do what I did.
George: I'm not getting a divorce.
Principal Petersen: No, I mean, get a little snip. Never worry about it again.
George: Well, you mean like a... like a down-there snip?
Principal Petersen: I can't believe I let you teach Health.
George: Well, Mary'd never go for that.
Coach Wilkins: I didn't know you got snipped.
Principal Petersen: That's 'cause my balls are none of your business.
Coach Wilkins: Fair point.

Principal Petersen: Just because she's having fun with your grandkid doesn't mean she wants more babies.
George: I don't know. She's definitely brought it up before.
Principal Petersen: Oh, boy. There's gonna be a new zombie in town.
Coach Wilkins: Chunky zombie. [Wilkins and Petersen laugh]

Coach Wilkins: All right, what's going on?
George: We were babysitting the granddaughter. I'm worried Mary's got a little baby fever.
Principal Petersen: You tell her about Russ?
George: 'Course I told her about Russ.
Principal Petersen: Poor bastard's shuffling around like a zombie.
Coach Wilkins: [laughs] And Russ is in shape. [chuckles] You can't go around chasing after a baby.
George: Hey, I'll have you know I got up off the floor all by myself today.
Coach Wilkins: Of course you did.

Coach Wilkins: Mm, mm. Booth just opened up. Y'all want to move over?
Principal Petersen: Booth? We're not on a date. I don't want our knees rubbing up on each other.
Coach Wilkins: Well, excuse me for wanting to be comfortable.
Principal Petersen: George, you believe this guy? He wants to sit in a booth.
George: [chuckles] What? Oh, yeah. Come on, Wayne we're not on a date.
Principal Petersen: I just made that joke. Get your head in the game.
George: Sorry, I... I'm a little distracted.

Mary: That was so nice.
George: Yeah, what a sweet deal. You have a little fun, then hand her right back.
Mary: I don't know, I like having a baby in the house.
George: [chuckles] Yeah, well... You know, Russ at work, he-he's starting all over with wife number two. You should see him. Looks like a walking corpse.
Mary: That doesn't sound so bad.
George: Are you serious?
Mary: [sighs] Well, Georgie and CeeCee live across town, Sheldon's about to move to California. The house is gonna feel empty.
George: Whoa, whoa, it ain't empty yet, you still got Missy here.
Mary: Missy doesn't let me hug her anymore.
George: That is not true. Missy, get out here and hug your mother!
Missy: [o.s.] No! [George sighs]

George: Okay. Mare, this is where you hand the baby back and let them leave.
Mary: I'm just soaking her up.
George: They don't live in Kansas. [chuckles] You can see 'em whenever you want.
Mary: Okay, well, Nana loves you. Nana's the best. Nana. Nana, Nana, Nana.
George: All right, Nana, take it down a notch.
Mary: Okay. Bring her back anytime. I mean it, anytime.
George: I think they got it.
Georgie: We got it.
Mary: Bye.

George: How was your nap?
Mandy: I've had better.
Georgie: Hey. A guy talks out of his butt, I laugh.
Mandy: Dr Pepper came out your nose.
Georgie: Yeah, when words came out of his butt.