George: You don't always win in life, he needs to learn that.
Mary: I know, but these are big feelings for a little boy.
George: They're feelings everybody has. It's part of growing up.
Mary: I guess.
Sheldon: Poodle poop!
Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

Mary: I hate to see him so upset.
George: Well, give him a little time, he'll calm down.
Sheldon: [door slams] Fiddle-faddle!
Meemaw: The F word. He's real mad.

George: Sheldon, listen, I know losing ain't easy. I deal with it on the football field all the time. It's like that big game we had last year against Nacogdoches. We were down 28 points at the half. It was raining, it was muddy. Everybody in the stands had gone home. But somehow, we managed to claw our way back to a tie with a minute left. And then, they threw a Hail Mary, and the receiver stepped out of bounds, but the ref didn't see it. After all that, we lose on a bad call. Believe me, I was furious. But I sucked it up, and I walked across that field and I shook their hands.
Sheldon: I didn't hear a word you said.
George: Okay.

Mr. Givens: So while an animal cell has a membrane, a plant cell has a membrane and a cell wall.
Sheldon: Who cares?
Mr. Givens: Sheldon, what are you doing?
Sheldon: Being disrespectful, sir.

Sheldon: I was sent to see Principal Petersen.
Diane: What is it this time?
Sheldon: Youthful rebellion. My voice hasn't changed yet, but my attitude has.
Diane: I'll let him know you're here.
Sheldon: You do that. Ma'am.

Sheldon: Attention, students and faculty. This is Sheldon Lee Cooper. We're taught that hard work pays off, but that's not true. I came up with a solution to save Earth from killer asteroids, and lost the science fair to SueAnn Ludlow, and her frizzy hair machine. But it wasn't just me who lost, we all lost. Wake up, people. The system's broken. Real innovation isn't valued. Nowadays, it's all about flash and style.
I blame MTV. Luckily, my parents can't afford cable. I urge you all to rise up. They can't send everyone to the principal's office. Chew gum in class, use a number one pencil, go nuts. This is Sheldon Lee Cooper signing off. Live long and prosper.

Dr. Goetsch: Okay. Uh, you two, make yourselves comfortable. Me and my main man Sheldon are gonna go have a little chitchat in my office.
Sheldon: I don't like chitchat, and I'm not your main man.

Mr. Lundy: Can I help you?
Sheldon: I'm interested in becoming an actor.
Mr. Lundy: Well, good for you. You've come to the right place. You know, I-I've been a professional actor for years and years.
Sheldon: Really? What have you been in?
Mr. Lundy: Well, have you seen the mattress madness commercials on channel 68? [cut to a cheesy commercial] "I'm soft and firm in all the right places".

Sheldon: Wow. You're famous.
Mr. Lundy: Well, I And I was Carbucketty in the Dallas-Fort Worth Players production of Cats. [PURRS] [LAUGHS] Did you see that?
Sheldon: No, I'm afraid of cats.
Mr. Lundy: Well, you realize the cats are just the actors.
Sheldon: I still wouldn't risk it.
Mr. Lundy: You're an odd boy, but you make it work.

Mr. Lundy: Anyway, uh, auditions are next week. You're welcome to come on by.
Sheldon: Excellent. I checked out a book on acting so I should have the hang of it by then.
Mr. Lundy: Well, I like that confidence.
Sheldon: Thank you. Most people find it off-putting.
Mr. Lundy: I can see that.

Sheldon: Why are they all singing?
Meemaw: Because it's a musical.
Sheldon: But why can't they just say it?
Meemaw: Well, that wouldn't be very musical, would it?
Sheldon: And where is the music coming from?
Missy: You're thinking about it too much.
Sheldon: And how do they all know the same dance?
Missy: Come on!
Meemaw: Moon pie!

Georgie: What are you looking for?
Sheldon: A brooch.
Georgie: What's a brooch?
Sheldon: It's a piece of jewelry. In my acting book, there's an exercise where you look for a missing brooch in a convincing way.
Georgie: Why?
Sheldon: According to the story, it was given to me by a friend so I could afford to stay in drama school, but now it's gone.
Georgie: Well, good luck finding it.
Sheldon: Thanks. Wait. You really believed I was looking for something? I did it. I'm an actor.
Georgie: You're a freak.
Sheldon: Oh, where the heck is that brooch?

Mr. Lundy: All right, Mr. Cooper. The stage is yours.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'd like to begin with a monologue from King Lear. [looking at Mr. Lundy]
Mr. Lundy: What?
Sheldon: I believe you're supposed to say "break a leg."
Mr. Lundy: Sorry. Break a leg.

Sheldon: Poor naked wretches, whereso'er you are, that bide the pelting of this pitiless storm.
How shall your houseless heads and unfed sides, your looped and windowed raggedness defend you from seasons such as these? Oh, I've ta'en too little care of this. Take physic, pomp. Expose thyself to feel what wretches feel, that thou may shake the superflux to them and show the heavens more just.
Mr. Lundy: Holy mackerel.

Missy: I think I see his underpants.
Meemaw: I told you. Theatre folk just love to show off their business.