Sheldon: As smart as I am, I tried to put out a fire with oxygen and paper.

Dr. John Sturgis: What were you thinking, letting me take care of a child? I won't make that mistake again. Do I look like Mary Poppins?

Sheldon: I changed my mind. I don't want to leave here ever.
Mary: You never have to.

Sheldon: Boy, it's a good thing we did this trial run.
Dr. John Sturgis: No kidding.

[Mary sobbing]
George Sr.: Hey, what what's wrong?
Mary: Nothing. Keep going.
[Mary's crying intensifies]
George Sr.: Mary?
Mary: George, I just miss my little boy so much, and he's never gonna come back 'cause he doesn't need his mama.
George Sr.: Oh, baby, of course he'll come back.
Mary: No, you should've seen how happy he was.
George Sr.: All right, well, still got Georgie and Missy.
[Mary starts wailing]

Mary: Hey, what you doing?
George Sr.: Pretty much what it looks like.
Mary: Would you like some company?
George Sr.: Sure, I guess.
Mary: Of course, if you'd rather watch TV, I could leave you alone.
George Sr.: Oh, no, no. No, it's a rerun. But even if it weren't-
Mary: Ooh.

Sheldon: Wait here. I'm going to go get some ice for your head and I'll fix you a hot beverage.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh. There's a, there's an Earl Grey tea bag in the sink. I think it still has some oomph in it.

Sheldon: Last question. What is the only fermion that may not have an antiparticle?
Dr. John Sturgis: The neutrino, of course.
Sheldon: I'm gonna rule out concussion.
Dr. John Sturgis: To be fair, it was an easy question.
Sheldon: True.

Sheldon: Who's the president of the United States?
Dr. John Sturgis: George Herbert Walker Bush.
Sheldon: I like Burgess Sturgis better.
Dr. John Sturgis: 'Cause it rhymes, sure.

Sheldon: I think you tripped and hit your head.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm a bit woozy.
Sheldon: I better test for concussion. What's your name?
Dr. John Sturgis: John Burgess Sturgis.
Sheldon: Burgess Sturgis? Great name.
Dr. John Sturgis: Thank you.

Billy Sparks: Mom, I'm bleeding again!
Brenda Sparks: You know what, Mary? I appreciate it, but this isn't a great time. Bobbi stabbed Billy in the leg with a fork.
Mary: Good Lord. Is he okay?
Brenda Sparks: It was a plastic fork, but it broke the skin pretty good.
Mary: Oh, okay, I-I understand.
Brenda Sparks: How about I take that pie and give you a rain check?
Mary: Um, sure-
Billy Sparks: I think there's mustard in the fork holes!
Brenda Sparks: Got to go.
Mary: You can keep the pan!

Mary: Right, so I thought we could sit down over a slice of rhubarb pie and, you know, forgive and forget.
Brenda Sparks: I haven't done anything that needs forgiving.
Mary: Okay, well, that sounds like something we could sit down and talk about over the pie.

Brenda Sparks: What do you want?
Mary: I baked you a pie.
Brenda Sparks: Why?
Mary: Well, I was thinking we haven't had the best history as neighbors.
Brenda Sparks: That's 'cause we don't like each other.

Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, and, uh if your meemaw asks how I did tonight, I hope you'll give me a positive review.
Sheldon: Three stars.
Dr. John Sturgis: Out of three?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wonderful!

Dr. John Sturgis: Very well. Now, I'll be in my room if you need me. Here's a glass of water if you get thirsty. And there's fresh chalk on the blackboard in case of any late-night epiphanies.

Sheldon: That's okay. I'm a self-tucker.

Dr. John Sturgis: If you like being tucked in, I'm prepared to do it. I practiced on a watermelon.

Mary: Have you talked to John tonight?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Mary: And?
Meemaw: He and Sheldon were watching TV without anybody yakking at 'em.
Mary: I'm going home. Thanks for stopping by.

Mary: You want to go bowl a few frames?
Meemaw: Don't you see me watching the Wheel?
Mary: You can just say "no."
Meemaw: No.

Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like me to sing a cowboy song while we sit around our makeshift campfire?
Sheldon: I would like that.
Dr. John Sturgis: [singing] Oh, pity the cowboy, All bloody and red, For the bronco fell on him, And bashed in his head, There was blood on the saddle, And blood all around, And a great big puddle of blood, On the ground.