Sheldon: There's my favorite fire exit. Very well marked.
Mary: Nice.
Sheldon: Ooh. See that little step stool? They didn't have that before I got here.
Mary: Very impressive.
Sheldon: I know. And this is where I take my quantum field theory class. Those are my college classmates. I would tell you their names, but most of them won't make it to Christmas.

Coach Wilkins: Missy want to play ball?
George Sr.: How do you know I wasn't calling for Sheldon? Fine, it was Missy.

Missy: I've been thinking about how much I enjoyed throwing that ball today.
George Sr.: You did great, honey.
Missy: I know. That's why I want to play on a team.
George Sr.: You get that dunk tank isn't a sport?
Missy: I mean baseball.
George Sr.: Okay, sure. They don't have any baseball teams for girls. Wait a few years, you can play softball.
Missy: I don't want to wait. I want to play baseball.
George Sr.: But you'd be the only girl.
Missy: I don't care.
George Sr.: Okay, well I-I guess I can look into it.
Missy: Thanks, Daddy.
George Sr.: Sure you don't want to play soccer or something?
Missy: Nope!
George Sr.: Cheerleading?
Missy: Baseball!
George Sr.: Yeah.

Missy: Dad, can I talk to you?
George Sr.: Uh, can it wait a minute?
Missy: It's pretty important.
George Sr.: So's this.

Meemaw: But listen, if you've just come over here to badger me, please don't.
Mary: Fine. I brought you fried chicken from the carnival.
Meemaw: I don't need your pity chicken.
Mary: Look, I know you're having a tough time.
Meemaw: I'm fine.
Mary: Okay. Does that mean you'll still take Sheldon to Dr. Sturgis's class?
Meemaw: No. But I'm fine.
Mary: So you won't mind if I take him?
Meemaw: Do whatever you want.
Mary: See, when you say it like that, it sounds like you might mind.
Meemaw: How about this? Darling daughter, please, do whatever it is that makes you happy.
Mary: If you're gonna act like this, then I'm gonna leave.
Meemaw: Oh, no. And after I didn't open the door for you? Hey, wait. Get me a beer.
Mary: No.
Meemaw: Well, at least get me some chicken!

Mary: Have you been on the couch all day?
Meemaw: No. For your information, I got up, put my slippers on, crossed the street, broke into your house and stole your beer.

Peg: So I shacked up with him anyway.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.
Peg: I mean, what choice did I have? I was pregnant with I don't know whose baby.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.
Peg: Sleeping on my cousin Arlene's couch. Which was in her front yard.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.

Missy: Can I throw one?
George Sr.: Sure. Okay, now, remember what I taught you. Look where you're throwing and follow through.
Pastor Jeff: Uh-oh! Dad's bringing in the big guns. Let's see what you've got, little...
Mary: Yes! Yes!
Pastor Jeff: I am baptized once again.

Pastor Jeff: You might want to pray to the Lord for better aim. I'll get you started. Uh, Lord, help George Cooper hit something other than the buffet. Sorry. Trash talk's part of the job.

Pastor Jeff: Expecting rain, Sheldon?
Sheldon: No. In this context, it's a parasol from the French "para" meaning "defense from" and "sol" meaning "sun."
Pastor Jeff: Please, Mary.
Mary: No. Will you dunk him?
George Sr.: You got it.

Pastor Jeff: You must be Cain, because you're not Abel to hit the target.

Peg: I bet you're disappointed that cute little blonde girl got sick and you're working with me.
George Jr.: I guess.
Peg:You're gonna learn life's like that. A parade of disappointments.
George Jr.: Is that so?
Peg: Yep. Sooner you give up, the better. When did you give up?
Peg: June 14, 1945. The man I loved came home from the war with syphilis. Now ask me how I found out.
George Jr.: No, thank you.

George Sr.: Does he really have to walk around with that?
Mary: He's fine. Leave him be.
Missy: You're just begging to get beat up.
Sheldon: I'm more concerned about the biggest bully of all: the Sun.

Sheldon: I can't find an umbrella.
Mary: What do you need an umbrella for? It's gonna be hot and sunny.
Sheldon: I think you've answered your own question.

Meemaw: [answering phone] Yeah.
Mary: Hey. We're getting ready to head over to the carnival.
Meemaw: Good for you.
Mary: Why don't you come with us?
Meemaw: Because I'm quite content right where I am.
Mary: Don't you think it'll be nice to get out of the house?
Meemaw: I can't believe I didn't think of that. What a great idea. Thank you.
Mary: So you're coming?
Meemaw: No. [hangs up]
Mary: Still cranky.

Mary: Hey, do you want to help me paint these posters?
Sheldon: Not at all. [exits]
Mary: Oh, yeah, people would line up for that dunk tank.

Sheldon: Missy said that Meemaw is upset at Dr. Sturgis.
Mary: Don't worry, she'll get over it.
Sheldon: The question is will she get over it by Friday at 4:00 p.m.? That's when we leave for my class.
Mary: I don't know, Shelly.
Sheldon: I suppose she could drop me off outside. Where are we on me walking through parking lots alone these days?
Mary: How about this? Um, until she's up to it, I'll take you.
Sheldon: Thanks. The parking lot still gives me the willies.

Sheldon: Hey, did everybody see there's a sale at RadioShack on nine-volt batteries? It's a golden opportunity to stock up.

Mary: You're coming with us, right?
Meemaw: No, I'm not.
Mary: Come on, it'll be fun.
George Sr.: The old lady wants to be cranky and alone. You got to respect that.
Meemaw: I'm not cranky. And I'm sick of everybody thinking that they know what's best for me.

George Jr.: What time do I need to be there to set up?
Mary: Noon's fine.
George Sr.: What, you're helping out?
George Jr.: Yeah.
George Sr.: Why?
George Jr.: I want to support Mom. And God.
Missy: You're just doing it 'cause Veronica's gonna be there.
George Jr.: And who made Veronica?