George Jr.: [sings] ♪ The stars at night ♪ ♪ Are big and bright ♪ [claps four times] ♪ Deep in the heart of Texas ♪ ♪ The prairie sky ♪ ♪ Is wide and high ♪ [Georgie and Meemaw clap four times] ♪ Deep in the heart of Texas. ♪ Remember, it's always four claps. Never three, always four.
Meemaw: You know who claps three times? Yankees.
George Jr.: And as Texans, we always remember the Alamo.
Meemaw: Otherwise, we might as well just live in Oklahoma. Blech.

Mandy: Oh, quick, scratch my nose. [Georgie scratches Mandy's nose for her] Oh, nothing's ever felt better.
George Jr.: I'm offended. [Mandy laughs]

Sheldon: Well, it starts off with Kelly working out on an exercise machine.
Missy: Oh, she's dating Dylan, who was dating her best friend.
Sheldon: Mm-hmm. She gets sweatier and sweatier, which I'm assuming is because of the exercise, although it could be the weather. Los Angeles is the land of sun and fun.
Missy: Did she look upset?
Sheldon: Hard to say. She looked sweaty.

Sheldon: While Dad's gone, I'm the man of the house, and the man of the house has to enforce the rules.
Missy: The man of the house is about to get his teeth knocked out.
Sheldon: Puberty's made you mean.
Missy: I need to know what happened on my show.
Sheldon: And you'll find out when your privileges are restored.
Missy: I can't wait that long, each episode builds on the last. Imagine a Star Trek that ends with "to be continued," and you don't get to continue.
Sheldon: That would never happen, because I follow the rules.
Missy: You are this close to a purple nurple.
Sheldon: [covers nipples] You leave my nurples alone.

George Sr.: What you watching?
Sheldon: Beverly Hills 90210.
George Sr.: Isn't that Missy's show?
Sheldon: Yes, I'm trying to do a better job of picking up on the characters' emotional states. So, for example, this scene seems like it's about expired food, but thanks to the ominous music, I can tell it's about Kelly's eating disorder. Give it a try.
George Sr.: Well, let's see. Uh... That one's upset 'cause he's 30 years old and still in high school.
Sheldon: That's what I thought, too, but it turns out his father recently died in a car explosion.
George Sr.: Oh. Well, I can see why that would make him sad.
Sheldon: Hold on. [score playing on TV] Sad music, yep. You're good at this.

George Jr.: I got to go clean her up, she's got old lady lipstick on her head. [to Meemaw] Well, you're an old lady. How do you get that lipstick off? [off Meemaw's look] All right, I'll figure it out myself.

Missy: What happens next?
Sheldon: Well, then she and her brother, David, get into a very heated argument over a banana.
Missy: That doesn't sound right.
Sheldon: Well, in the next scene at school, everyone gets quiet when Kelly walks up. I'm assuming it's because of the banana tiff.
Missy: There's no way the episode was about a banana.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, did you watch it?
Missy: What else happened?
Sheldon: Oh, they're also planning Kelly a surprise birthday party.
Missy: Well, that's why they got quiet. How could you not get that?
Sheldon: Well, no one said it out loud.

Sheldon: I know a way for you to watch whatever you want.
Missy: How?
Sheldon: Your imagination.
Missy: That's stupid.
Sheldon: Did you know there's a German folk song about it?
Missy: Don't.
Sheldon: [sings] ♪ My thoughts will not cater ♪ ♪ To duke or dictator ♪ ♪ No man can deny ♪ ♪ Die gedanken sind frei. ♪ [talks] Where are you going?
Missy: Mom said no music.
Sheldon: [hums melody]

Meemaw: All righty, I got everything we need to make chicken-fried steak and mac and cheese and tater tots.
Mandy: Healthy.
Meemaw: You said make his favorite meal. What'd you think that was gonna be, a carrot?

Missy: You have to pay attention to how they're acting. Their faces and body language.
Sheldon: You mean for subtext?
Missy: Yeah, subtext.
Sheldon: I hate subtext, I prefer text.
Missy: Then just listen to the music. If it's sad, they're sad. It's happy, they're happy.
Sheldon: Interesting. So the music's like a cheat sheet to help read social cues?
Missy: Exactly.
Sheldon: Look at that, spring break and I'm still learning.

Sheldon: Missy, are you busy?
Missy: Do I look busy?
Sheldon: I do some of my best thinking lying down.
Missy: Yeah, well, I'm not thinking.
Sheldon: The shower is another excellent place to cogitate. Sometimes I'll just lather up and drift off...

Mandy: Hey, how long have you been here?
George Jr.: [chuckles] I just came to check on her before work. She was up and you were snoring like a buzz saw.
Mandy: I do not snore.
George Jr.: Okay.
Meemaw: Be nice.
George Jr.: You didn't hear it?
Meemaw: I didn't say that. I said, "Be nice."

Sheldon: Well, I was thinking about what you said about Star Trek and how it'd be hard to watch part one and not part two.
Missy: So I can watch 90210?
Sheldon: No, but I can offer you the next best thing: theater of the mind.
Missy: This is why people hate you.

Sheldon: No, I've watched your program, and I can tell you everything that happened.
Missy: So you know what happens with Brandon's gambling problem? And how Dylan and Kelly are doing?
Sheldon: I do.
Missy: Okay. Wait, why would you do that for me?
Sheldon: Well, when you tried to watch the tape, I ended up watching the first seconds of it, and the completist in me had to finish it.
Missy: That's so dumb. I love it. Tell me everything.

Mary: George said he was on my side, but if he was really on my side, he wouldn't say he was on my side like he had to calm down a crazy woman.
Mandy: You know, I can just buy Georgie a cake.

George Jr.: We're home.
Mandy: Hey, how was your walk?
George Jr.: Slow. You don't know how many old ladies are in the neighborhood till you go out with a baby. Ooh, tots.
Meemaw: Hey, hands off.

Mary: What?
Brenda Sparks: I'm not leaving until we talk this out.
Adult Sheldon: My mom's upset. Did you get it? Listen. [dramatic music plays]

Mary: Do you even think about how your actions affect other people?
Brenda Sparks: Love it. Keep it coming.
Mary: You couldn't hang on to your crappy husband, so you tried to move in on my crappy husband.
Brenda Sparks: Good, good. That hurt, but good.

Sheldon: And then she sees Dylan in the hallway and tells her that she and Kelly are friends again, and he kisses her on the forehead.
Missy: What kind of kiss was it?
Sheldon: Well, it seemed innocent, but the music was mysterious, indicating that their love triangle will totally continue.
Missy: Well, that's juicy.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm aware.

Missy: If you want, you can watch with me next week.
Sheldon: No, thank you. Although, I would like to know who killed Dylan's dad.
Missy: Plus, what happened to David's recording contract.
Sheldon: Do you really think he's going to let that producer change his sound?
Missy: Boy, I hope not.
Sheldon: I hear you, sister.

Mary: Do you have any idea what it feels like to have your husband prefer to hang out with your best friend over you?
Brenda Sparks: I know how it feels to have my husband leave me.
Mary: Then you should know better.
Brenda Sparks: You're right.
Mary: I mean, I get that you're fun, and I'm just a churchy stick-in-the-mud.

George Sr.: Well, whichever one it was, I'm on your side. Screw Brenda.
Mary: You don't even know what happened.
George Sr.: You're right. Sorry. What happened?
Mary: Well, Brenda was being overly nice, which really rubbed me the wrong way, so I tore her head off.
George Sr.: Well, I don't see what choice you had.
Mary: George, don't.
George Sr.: What? I'm on your side.
Mary: Why do I even tell you anything? [walks off]
George Sr.: Love you!

Brenda Sparks: Okay, come on, Mary. We're friends.
Mary: Just not as good of friends as you are with my husband.
Brenda Sparks: Okay, if you're gonna keep working here, we have to figure this out.
Mary: Maybe I shouldn't work here.
Brenda Sparks: Maybe you shouldn't.
Mary: Are you firing me?
Brenda Sparks: Well, I thought you were quitting.
Mary: Maybe I was.
Brenda Sparks: Then maybe I was.
Mary: Then I am.
Brenda Sparks: Then I do.
Mary: Great, then I'm leaving.
Brenda Sparks: Well, I'm a little confused, but okay. [sighs]

Mandy: Good morning, CeeCee.
George Jr.: [chuckles] She's fed, she's changed and we got through the first two verses of "Deep in the Heart of Texas."
Mandy: Did you tell her about the claps?
George Jr.: Of course.
Mandy: Good.

Brenda Sparks: Hey, welcome back. How's little Constance doing?
Mary: We're calling her CeeCee.
Brenda Sparks: Well, that's just the cutest.
Mary: Mm-hmm.
Brenda Sparks: Oh, I got you coffee. Don't worry, it's not the sludge we serve. I got it from the 7-Eleven on the corner.
Mary: Thank you, but I'm fine.
Brenda Sparks: Are you sure? I put some of those flavored creamers in it. Fancy.

Mandy: Hey, I was thinking about doing something nice for Georgie's birthday.
Meemaw: How nice? 'Cause I'm all set with great-grandchildren for now.
Mandy: Well, I just gave birth and he's seeing another woman, so I was thinking maybe a cake and some of his favorite food.
Meemaw: That's sweet, you're gonna cook.
Mandy: Actually, uh... [looks pleadingly at Meemaw]
Meemaw: Okay. I'll do the food, you handle the cake.
Mandy: Great. Hey, uh, does Mary know how to bake?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Mandy: Perfect.

Mandy: She's finally napping.
Meemaw: Great. You get 20 minutes. What you gonna do? Sleep, bathe, eat?
Mandy: No, I took a bath a few days ago. I think I'm set.
Meemaw: Those baths aren't just for you.

Missy: So, are you gonna be mad at me forever?
George Sr.: No, not forever. But I'm not gonna be done anytime soon.
Missy: Okay, look, I know I'm grounded and I'm missing spring break, and I totally deserve it.
George Sr.: There better not be a "but."
Missy: There isn't. However... I need to catch up on 90210 because everyone will be talking about it Monday, and if I miss it, I might as well not even go back to school.
George Sr.: Too bad.
Missy: Come on, even prisoners get to go out to the yard for an hour a day.
George Sr.: [sighs] Fair enough. There's the yard. Knock yourself out.

Mary: You could make a card for Georgie. It's his birthday Saturday.
Missy: You're right, I need to get him a gift. I should go to the mall.
George Sr.: You're not going anywhere.
Missy: But it's my only brother's 18th birthday.
Sheldon: Excuse me.
Missy: Fine, it's my favorite brother's 18th birthday.
Sheldon: Better.

Adult Sheldon: And I, despite being innocent of all wrongdoing, was being punished as well. Not by my parents, but by society and their insistence on a "spring break."
Sheldon: One whole week of no school. No fair.
Mary: You two should do something together. Go outside, take a walk.
Sheldon: I'd rather die.
Missy: I'd rather read.

George Jr.: It ain't a big deal.
Meemaw: What do you mean, it's not a big deal? You're gonna be 18. You can legally buy me cigarettes.
Mandy: And CeeCee's excited her dad's gonna be an actual adult and she doesn't have to change the subject every time his age comes up.
George Jr.: If I wasn't mature, that'd probably hurt my feelings. And you don't have to get me anything. She's enough.
Mandy: Glad you like her. I didn't save the receipt.

Adult Sheldon: My sister was facing the repercussions of her recent joyride by being grounded at home.
[Missy sits down on the couch and turns on the TV]
Mary: [o.s.] No TV!
[Missy sits down in her bedroom and turns on her radio]
Mary: [o.s.] No music!
[Missy is sitting at the kitchen table, reading a magazine]
Mary: No magazines. If you want, you can read a book.
Missy: I'd rather die.

Mandy: You miss being 18?
Meemaw: No, pretty happy where I am right now.
Mandy: Yeah, me, too.
Meemaw: I'm lying.
Mandy: Yeah, me, too.

Mandy: Happy birthday.
George Jr.: There is something else you could do for my birthday.
Mandy: I had a baby two weeks ago. No.
George Jr.: Not that.
Mandy: Then what?
George Jr.: Marry me.

Mandy: You're home early.
George Jr.: Yeah.
Mandy: How was your date?
George Jr.: Actually, we broke up.
Mandy: Oh. What happened?
George Jr.: Nothing, I just wanted to be here.
Mandy: Really?
George Jr.: Yeah.
Mandy: That's what we wanted, too. [they kiss]

Brenda Sparks: Mary, I don't even think it was about me. It could've been anybody.
Mary: That doesn't make me feel better.
Brenda Sparks: I just mean I'm not his wife. Which makes me easier to talk to. Don't make it right, but talk's all it was.
Mary: Are you sure?
Brenda Sparks: I swear. Like how sometimes it was easier for you to talk to Pastor Rob?
Mary: But shouldn't George and I want to talk to each other?
Brenda Sparks: Don't ask me, I couldn't hang on to my "crappy husband."
Mary: Sorry about that.
Brenda Sparks: No. It's true.
Mary: You want to talk about it?
Brenda Sparks: That'd be nice. George around? [off Mary's look] Okay, not ready to joke.

Meemaw: What you planning for your birthday?
George Jr.: Probably just gonna take it easy.
Mandy: Oh, my God. Saturday's your birthday. I totally forgot.
George Jr.: Don't worry about it. Honestly, I don't even know what today is.
Meemaw: Thursday.
Mandy: It's Thursday? Really? That's weird.

George Jr.: Thanks again for taking me out.
Amber: You don't want to spend the night at home with some crying baby.
George Jr.: I don't know. When it's your kid, the crying doesn't bother you as much.
Amber: You're not gonna be one of those parents that brings their babies to restaurants, are you?
George Jr.: You bet. Wrap her up like a burrito, she'd fit right in.
Amber: Well, tonight, you don't have to think about that. We can just have fun.
George Jr.: I like the sound of that. You do mean sex, right?
Amber: What do you think?
George Jr.: Hmm, maybe I shouldn't get the chimichangas.

George Jr.: Mm, I love me some Chi-Chi's.
Amber: You're a cheap date.
George Jr.: You say that now. Wait till you see how many chimichangas I can put away.
Amber: It's your birthday. Have as many as you want.
George Jr.: You may regret that.

Mary: We have nothing to talk about.
Brenda Sparks: Fine. Then let's just yell at each other.
Mary: I'm not yelling at you.
Brenda Sparks: Mary, we're neighbors, our kids are friends. We're gonna be in each other's lives for a long time. Let's do this.
Mary: I am busy. I am making a cake.
Brenda Sparks: And I'm talking to a pain in the ass who won't admit she's mad.
Mary: I'm not mad.
Brenda Sparks: Really? [Mary gasps as Brenda runs her finger through the cake and licks the frosting] How about now?
Mary: Back yard.

Mary: I got to go to work. Keep an eye on her.
Sheldon: I will.
Mary: I was talking to your father, but actually, sure.

Mary: And it's fine, I will make the cake.
Mandy: Thank you.
Mary: I've got plenty of time. It's not like I have a job to go to.
Meemaw: What happened?
Mary: You don't want to know.
Meemaw: Sold.

Mary: I really have a lot of work to catch up on.
Brenda Sparks: Of course. Well, I will leave you to it. But later on, I want to see pictures of that baby.
Mary: I don't have any with me.
Brenda Sparks: Well, you can describe her to me.
Mary: [sighs] She's about yay big and bald. Nothing you ain't seen before.
Brenda Sparks: Sounds adorable. [steps out] Do you want this open or...
Mary: Closed.
Brenda Sparks: Yep.

Brenda Sparks: Hey, Mary, you get a chance to send out those checks?
Mary: Not yet, but I'll get to it.
Brenda Sparks: All right. It's just that, the checks to the vendors go out on Tuesdays, and it's Thursday.
Mary: I know the days of the week, Brenda.
Brenda Sparks: Okay.
Mary: You want checks? Here's checks. Mancuso Maintenance. $45. There you go.
Brenda Sparks: Mary...
Mary: Lone Star Vending. $200.
Brenda Sparks: Okay, if you're mad, just talk to me instead of whatever this is.
Mary: I'm not mad.

George Sr.: Hey, you're home early.
Mary: I'm sorry, am I bothering you?
George Sr.: No, just thought you'd still be at work.
Mary: Well, I'm not. I don't work there anymore. Brenda and I got in a fight.
George Sr.: Wait, what? Did you get fired?
Mary: Yes. Or maybe I quit. I don't know, it's unclear.