Paige: Think your parents are freaking out?
Missy: Probably having a party. And then Sheldon will complain about them having a party, and they'll stop because he gets everything he wants.
Paige: I know. Try being the golden child. Everybody's always expecting big things from you 'cause you're a genius.
Missy: What do you want to do?
Paige: I don't know. Something simple, easy. You know, I heard there's a place in Florida where you can get a job as a mermaid.
Missy: Really?
Paige: Really.
Missy: Don't get mad at me, but you are a genius.
Paige: Just don't tell the other mermaids.

Missy: What do we do?
Paige: We need to get our stories straight. We're cousins, you're 14, you forgot your license at home, and we're on our way to the hospital to visit our grandma.
Missy: Okay.
[After Officer Larson approaches the car, Missy winds down the driver's-side window]
Missy: I'm only 14, I stole my dad's truck and we didn't pay for breakfast at the diner. We just left.
Officer Larson: Okay. And who's this?
Missy: My cousin, Ginger.

Mary: Is anyone hungry? I can make sandwiches.
Meemaw: No, thanks.
George Sr.: Not hungry.
George Jr.: I could eat.
George Sr.: Then make yourself a sandwich.
George Jr.: Maybe you should eat, cranky.

Sheldon: Okay, I figured it out. Based off the pictures she's ripped out of magazines, she's a big fan of actor Luke Perry.
Meemaw: Who is that?
George Jr.: He plays Dylan on Beverly Hills, 90210. Your classic bad boy.
George Sr.: Your classic bad boy?
George Jr.: Yeah, like me.

Sheldon: The show not only takes place but is also filmed in Los Angeles, California. That's obviously where she's heading. [phone rings]
Meemaw: [answers phone] Cooper residence.
Sheldon: Now, given the amount of time since she's left...
Meemaw: They're okay! [Mary sighs] They've found them.
Mary: Oh, thank God.
George Sr.: Where are they?
Meemaw: Uh, about an hour east of Baton Rouge. Apparently they were on their way to Florida.
Sheldon: That's not where Luke Perry is. Let me speak to them.

Officer Larson: All right. Your parents are on the way.
Missy: Are they mad?
Officer Larson: If my daughter stole my car and ran away, I'd be mad.
Missy: What if she had a good reason?
Officer Larson: Do you have a good reason?
Missy: Well, my brother's really smart and my older brother had a baby and they were ignoring me.
Paige: You might need a better reason.

Missy: Are you taking us to jail?
Officer Larson: No.
Paige: Great, so we can go?
Officer Larson: No. But I'm not taking you in either.
Missy: Why not?
Officer Larson: I got a kid your age. I get it.
Paige: Oh, God, I'd rather sit in jail than have another adult tell me how much they get it.
Missy: Not me. Happy right here.

Linda: I'm real sorry for whatever Paige got Missy into.
Mary: Thanks, but I think this one's on Missy.
Linda: I doubt it. Last month she swiped my credit card and bought a plane ticket to Hawaii. Nonrefundable.
Mary: What did you do?
Linda: What could I do? I dropped her off at her dad's and I went to Hawaii.

George Sr.: Trust me, Missy's never gonna do anything like this again.
Linda: Aw, bless your heart.
George Sr.: I'm serious. School and home, that's it. No TV, no friends, no shoes. Let's see her run away barefoot.
Mary: That's your plan? Make her hate us even more?
George Sr.: I'm not trying to be her friend, Mary. I'm trying to be her parent.
Mary: What do you think I'm trying to be?
George Sr.: Oh, I don't know. Her neighbor?

Linda: I know it's not my place, but... Barry and I used to keep a bunch of stuff bottled up, and we know how that turned out.
Mary: We're not getting divorced.
George Sr.: Yeah, over my dead body.
Mary: Yeah, that's exactly how it's gonna end.
Linda: Oh, boy.

Sheldon: [sighs] What was Missy thinking? Why Florida?
Meemaw: Why does it matter?
Sheldon: I made a solid hypothesis backed by data. Where did I go wrong?
Meemaw: You tried to predict a teenage girl.
Sheldon: Perhaps when she gets back we can take her in for a brain scan.
Meemaw: Maybe what Missy needs is for us all to be a little understanding.
Sheldon: I'm trying to understand. That's why I need the brain scan.
Meemaw: Look, your sister's going through a lot these days. She's feeling overlooked, confused, angry, sad.
Sheldon: She's feeling all those things at once?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Sheldon: And I can't scan her brain? That is so unfair.

Officer Larson: So, what exactly was your plan?
Paige: We were gonna go to Daytona Beach.
Missy: Like on MTV.
Officer Larson: And what were you gonna do for money?
Paige: I don't know. We would have figured something out.
Missy: Yeah, she's an actual genius. [off Paige's look] Sorry.
Officer Larson: Don't get a lot of geniuses back there. Mostly stupid folk.

George Sr.: I'm just saying, I have a good relationship with Missy. Yeah, I taught her how to throw a ball. Taught her how to drive.
Mary: You taught her how to drive?
George Sr.: Oh, uh... You know, just the basics in- in a parking lot. Hey, she made it all the way to Louisiana without getting into an accident. I think I did a pretty good job.
Mary: Unbelievable.

Linda: If y'all want, I can recommend the marriage counselor me and Barry used. [George snorts] What's... [snorts]?
George Sr.: Y'all got divorced. [chuckles] How good can he be?
Linda: Well, she... [George snorts]
Mary: Stop with the... [snorts]
George Sr.: Oh, like she's not gonna be on your side?
Linda: It's not about sides. She helped us realize we were staying in our marriage for the wrong reasons and it would be better for everyone if we split.
Mary: I'm not sure it was better for Paige.
Linda: Paige's issues have nothing to do with our divorce.
Mary: Sure.
George Sr.: [chuckles] How much she have to pay the counselor to tell her that?
Linda: [sighs] At least my daughter didn't steal my truck, and none of my kids are having babies.
George Sr.: Okay, we all have our stuff. [Linda snorts]

Missy: Here comes another one. [speed gun beeps] Fifty-eight. How does it know?
Paige: It calculates the speed based on the Doppler shift of the reflected radio waves.
Missy: See? Genius. My brother's like that too, but she's way more fun. [car whooshing] [speed gun beeps] Ninety-one.
Officer Larson: All right, buckle up.
Missy: Yes! [siren wails]Show me how to use your gun and I'll cover you.

Mary: If you need a break, I can drive for a bit.
George Sr.: I'm okay, thanks.
Missy: I could take a turn.
Mary: Not a time for jokes.
George Sr.: You may never drive again.

Mary: And you are not hanging out with Paige anymore.
Missy: That's not fair. It was my idea, not Paige's.
George Sr.: You really think that's helping your case?
Missy: Liked it better when you two weren't talking.
Mary: Well, too bad, 'cause we are.
George Sr.: If you're feeling ignored, don't worry. We're gonna be laser-focused on you from now on. [Missy sighs]

Adult Sheldon: This marked the beginning of what our family would come to call "Missy's difficult period." Despite my repeated assurances that I could solve the problem with a brain scan and some low-voltage electric shocks, I was never given the opportunity. Such a shame.

Meemaw: What you planning for your birthday?
George Jr.: Probably just gonna take it easy.
Mandy: Oh, my God. Saturday's your birthday. I totally forgot.
George Jr.: Don't worry about it. Honestly, I don't even know what today is.
Meemaw: Thursday.
Mandy: It's Thursday? Really? That's weird.

Mary: I got to go to work. Keep an eye on her.
Sheldon: I will.
Mary: I was talking to your father, but actually, sure.