Missy: My head is so hot!
Meemaw: She is such a hoot.

George Jr.: You might want to open a window.
George Sr.: Oh, boy.

Sheldon: Did you always want to be a football coach?
George Sr.: Well, I always wanted to play. At least till I got hurt.
Sheldon: Mm. Were you a good player?
George Sr.: Eh, not really. I was just bigger than the other kids.
Sheldon: So you compensated for mediocrity by being large.
George Sr.: I guess.
Sheldon: That works for cattle as well.
George Sr.: Oh, well, thanks for pointing that out.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

Sheldon: Dad?
George Sr.: Yeah?
Sheldon: Would you like to have a conversation?
George Sr.: Yeah. Sure. Absolutely.
Sheldon: All right, what would you like to talk about?
George Sr.: Um, well, let's see. Uh, have you given much thought to what you want to be when you grow up?
Sheldon: I have.
George Sr.: Great. ... And what would that be?
Sheldon: Oh, most likely a scientist. Unless I stay in Texas, then I'm thinking cattle baron.
George Sr.: Cattle baron?
Sheldon: Assuming I don't have to touch the cows.
George Sr.: Goes without saying.

Mary: Your hair's not changing color.
Missy: Aw.
Meemaw: Sorry, kiddo. Your mom is no fun.
Mary: Excuse me, I'm fun.
Missy: So I can color my hair?
Mary: Not a chance. But I'm very much fun.
Meemaw: Whatever you need to believe. Mein Fuhrer.

Missy: So what are we gonna do?
Mary: How would you like to go to the beauty salon and get all done up?
Missy: Can I have orange hair like Cyndi Lauper?
Mary: I don't think so.
Missy: Meemaw has friends with blue hair.
Meemaw: She's right. I haven't gone there yet, but after a certain age, it's mandatory.

Mary: Isn't this exciting? It's just us girls, no boys in the house.
Meemaw: The place already smells better.

Mary: You're a good dad.
George Sr.: If I don't kill one of them before Sunday, I'm a good dad.

Mary: Oh, come on, sit up front with your daddy. He doesn't get to spend enough time with you.
George Jr.: I called shotgun.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: We'll flip a coin. All right? Georgie, call it.
George Jr.: Heads.
George Sr.: Tails.
George Jr.: Dang it.
George Sr.: Sheldon, you won. You get to ride up front.
Sheldon: Can't we do two out of three?
George Sr.: You won. Get in the car.
George Jr.: What's the point in calling shotgun?

George Jr.: Shotgun!
Mary: No, no. Let your brother sit up front for a change.
Sheldon: I actually prefer sitting in the back. It's safer.

Mary: Wait, Georgie. Where's your bag?
George Jr.: Don't need one. Got my toothbrush right here.
Mary: What about clothes? A change of underwear?
George Jr.: Got it.
Mary: Georgie, you're gonna be gone for two days.
George Jr.: I'll turn them inside out.

Mary: What's going on?
George Sr.: I can't find Sheldon.
Mary: What do you mean, you can't find him?
George Sr.: I mean I don't know where he is.
Mary: Well, he's got to be somewhere.
George Sr.: Maybe he got that time machine to work.

Mary: Okay, let's talk about food.
George Sr.: No need to. He likes his meat cooked to at least 165 degrees, except for chicken which is 180. The different foods can't touch each other on the plate. Ketchup and mustard must come out of a packet. No bottles.
Mary: What about his issues with spaghetti?
George Sr.: That's a trick question. He likes spaghetti.

George Sr.: Mary? Relax. I can take care of my son.
Mary: I know.
George Sr.: Good.
Mary: I'm just saying, if he's upset or nervous, he can get all clogged up.
George Sr.: I won't let that happen.

Mary: I know you like to just keep driving, and get where you're going, but you can't ignore his bathroom schedule.
George Sr.: I know.
Mary: He goes number one first thing in the morning, then again in the afternoon, once more in the late afternoon, say 4:00/4:30, depending on his juice intake, and then, a quick piddle before bedtime.
George Sr.: "Piddle". Got it.
Mary: Now, number two's a little trickier.

Missy: How come I don't get to go?
Mary: 'Cause you, me and Meemaw are gonna have our own fun.
Missy: Could we shoot guns at the gun range?
Mary: Mm, you're too young to go to the gun range.
Missy: Meemaw took me.
Meemaw: We pinky swore. What are you doing?
Missy: Oh, yeah. Don't listen to me. I don't know what I'm saying.

Sheldon: I wonder if we'll get to meet an astronaut.
Meemaw: I remember when I was a teenager, I had the biggest crush on John Glenn. I would've given it up for him no problem.
Mary: Mom.
Missy: Given what up?
Mary: Her allowance. Just eat.

George Sr.: So, Sheldon, me and Georgie are gonna take a little road trip this weekend, see the shuttle launch.
George Jr.: Looks like I don't get a vote in this.
George Sr.: Oh, good, you're catching on.

Adult Sheldon: My plan was coming together. I just needed to get on the shuttle so I could finally escape this ridiculous planet. Spoiler alert, I'm still here.

Sheldon: There is the launching of the space shuttle this weekend.
George Sr.: Space shuttle? Don't they do those out of Florida?
Sheldon: Yes. Cape Canaveral.
George Sr.: Sheldon, that's-that's like a 12, 15 hour drive.
Sheldon: I understand. Never mind.
George Sr.: You know what? Let's do it. It'll be fun. The three Cooper boys on a little adventure. Sound good?
Sheldon: Sounds good.