Episode Recap
When Sheldon enters his dorm room, he’s surprised to see someone other than Evan using the computer. As Sheldon tries to figure out who this is and where Evan is, Evan returns and says “Good, you’ve met Joaquin”. Sheldon points out proper introductions were not done, and wonders what Joaquin’s doing here. Evan explains Joaquin is helping them write an algorithm to beat the stock market. After Sheldon asks why, Evan answers “so we can get rich, buy cool cars and get girls.” Sheldon argues the search for knowledge is its own reward. When Evan asks if he wants to help them, Sheldon points out he doesn’t need any help meeting girls. If anything, he would like to know fewer people, not more. Joaquin says he could use the money to buy something fun. “Ooh, like a particle accelerator or 100 tanks of liquid nitrogen”, Sheldon says. Evan wonders how much a particle accelerator would cost. After Sheldon explains it could, conservatively, cost four to ten billion dollars, Evan says he needs to join them then. Sheldon notes that he hasn’t done much coding, but he is good at everything. “Okay, I'm in charge”, he tells them and asks Joaquin to scoot off the chair.
When Missy finds her mother knitting on the couch as the TV plays, Missy asks what she’s watching. “Travis Lemon”, Mary answers. “The crazy church guy?”, Missy questions. Mary insists he’s not crazy. On the TV, Lemon says Jesus wants you to have nice things, a life of abundance. It says so in the bible. “My God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Jesus Christ.” Mary agrees it does say that. Missy asks when it’s over as she wants to watch MTV. Mary points out Reverend Travis has a band, who rock pretty hard, prompting Missy to walk away with a scoff. When Reverend Travis says every dollar donated to the ministry will be returned tenfold, Mary is doubtful. “Tenfold, my sweet patootie.”, she mutters to herself. “As ye sow, so shall ye reap”, he says as he pleads for donations, telling people it could even help them afford a brand new Cadillac to lord over their neighbors. “Oh, what the heck”, Mary says as she gets up to grab her checkbook.
After Missy goes over to Billy Sparks’ house, she asks what he’s doing. Billy explains he’s just “wearing in” his new school shoes. Missy asks if they can watch TV. Inside, as they sit on the couch with MTV on, Missy asks where his mom is. Billy explains she’s with his Aunt Sylvia. So he’s alone? “Just me and my chickens”, Billy says. Missy thinks they should throw a party. “For the chickens?” “No! For us”, Missy clarifies. After Billy asks what they would do, Missy suggests drinking games. Billy remembers the time she paid him a quarter to chug a gallon of milk. Missy says this time she’s thinking beer. When Billy points out they’re not old enough to drink, Missy says that’s why people will come. “Smart”, Billy remarks, before wondering if the visitors will like eggs. He has so many eggs.
Back in the dorm room, Joaquin is at the keyboard as Sheldon questions the code. After describing the code as elegant, Sheldon wonders what happens next. “Uh, we just buy the stocks the algorithm suggests”, Evan explains. “With what?”, Sheldon wonders. “Our student loan money”, Evan says. After Joaquin asks how much Sheldon is in for, Sheldon says his mother warned him of the evils of gambling. Joaquin argues it’s not gambling, it’s math. Is his mother against math? Sheldon admits his mother does get a little touchy when he uses it to prove the Earth wasn't made in seven days. “It's your call. Particle accelerator, or no particle accelerator?”, Evan pushes. Swayed, Sheldon goes to grab money from his money sock. “You keep your money in a sock?” Evan questions. “My meemaw keeps her money in her bra.”
When Meemaw joins Mary for a chat at the kitchen table, Mary asks how living with Dale is doing. Meemaw points out she rode her bicycle 7 miles to talk, which should give her a clue. “It's just, after you've lived by yourself for a long time, having a roommate takes a little getting used to”, Meemaw admits. Mary is sure Dale’s trying his best, which is what worries Meemaw. When George comes to the table to ask Mary about a check for $50 to “R.T.L.M.”, Mary explains it’s a donation to Reverend Travis Lemon Ministries. “The goofy guy from the TV?”, Meemaw questions. Mary insists he’s not goofy, saying he reads the bible in a way that speaks to her. Mary explains Reverend Travis says Jesus wants them to prosper. “Is that why he huffed and puffed and blew my house down?”, Meemaw wonders. George says he’s going to cancel that check. “Don’t you dare”, Mary tells her husband. After George points out this check could cover a week of groceries, Mary insists, “We will get it back. We just need to have faith.”. When George asks Meemaw to talk some sense into her daughter, Meemaw points out if Mary listened to her, they never would have gotten married. George retorts that Mary had to marry him because he got her pregnant. As George walks off, Meemaw tells Mary he is not wrong about the money.
In the dorm room, Evan excitedly tells Sheldon and Joaquin that they have doubled their income in just over eight hours. “I’m gonna need a bigger sock”, Sheldon quips. Evan notes the algorithm is becoming more efficient with each trade. Sheldon advises them to remain realistic, they won’t become millionaires overnight - it could take 12 to 14 business days.
As Georgie adds gasoline to the lawn mower on the driveway, Missy asks if she can talk to him. When Missy says she wants to talk in private, Georgie asks, “You ain't pregnant, are you?” Missy wonders how he could say that, but Georgie points out it’s been known to happen. After they go into the garage, Missy explains Billy’s mom is away and they’re throwing a party. She was wondering whether he thinks their dad would notice if she took some of his beers. “Do you think he’ll notice?”, Georgie asks. Missy admits it was a stupid question. Anyway, Georgie tells her she’s too young to be drinking. Missy points out that he just thought she might be pregnant. “Well, don’t do either”, her older brother tells her. When Missy asks if he would buy her a case of beer if she gave him the money, Georgie points out he’s not old enough to drink either. Missy says that hasn’t stopped him before. “And I’m ashamed of that”, Georgie remarks. Georgie tells her he has something for a party that’s better than beer: “Bottle rockets, Roman candles, M80s, the works.” “Oh, sure. Thanks”, an unimpressed Missy remarks. “You're not excited now, but trust me, you blow up one mailbox, and you got yourself a party.”
Inside the Cooper house, as Mandy folds laundry, Missy stops and asks if she wants help. As Missy sits down and starts folding, she asks Mandy if she ever went to parties when she was her age. “Oh, yeah. The good ones I remember, the great ones... gone.”, Mandy reminisces. Missy explains she’s helping a friend throw a party and asks if Mandy has any advice. “Well, for starters, music is key. You want it good, you want it loud, but not so loud the cops come. Although, if they do, you're a legend. And if you have make-out spots, you want to keep 'em private, but not too private. You know, closets, pantries. You want to keep your guests standing.” Makes sense. Missy then brings up the real question: “And, um, I've heard at some of these parties there's drinking?” “Oh. Well... yeah, sometimes, but, uh, fun can be had without... it.” Missy cuts to the chase and asks if Mandy would buy her a case of beer. "No," Mandy says, "You’re just a kid." Missy points out Mandy was a kid when she went to parties, but Mandy argues it’s different now. "I’m a mom." "A cool mom?" Missy hopes. "Not that cool," Mandy replies. "Besides, the only underage person I’m buying alcohol for is the father of my child," she jokes. Missy tells her she’s not that cool.
At the church, George thanks Pastor Jeff for seeing him. When Peg offers George a smoke, he declines, saying he’ll just breathe in hers. “Suit yourself”, Peg says with a cough. George asks if they could have a little privacy, but Peg argues she’ll just be listening at the door anyway, which Pastor Jeff confirms. George explains he was thinking it might be time for Mary to come back to the church and rejoin the "herd." Pastor Jeff corrects him, saying it's "flock," but Peg thinks "herd" is more fitting for Texas with all the beef. Jeff tells George that Mary is always welcome. As a phone rings, George wonders if they could use Mary in the back office, but Peg insists they have it covered, despite not answering the phone. George asks Peg if she needs to take the call, but she claims they’ll call back. After Jeff sends Peg to answer the phone, he asks Georgie if Mary has said she wants to return to the church. George admits, "Not in so many words, but I know if you asked her, it would mean the world to me, to her, to us... to God." After Pastor Jeff agrees to pray on it, George waits expectantly. Jeff clarifies he’ll pray on it later. "Right," George mutters as he stands to leave. "Sure."
“Fascinating”, Sheldon remarks, staring at the computer screen in his dorm. When Evan and Joaquin return with food, Sheldon asks if either of them authorized the algorithm to make foreign trades. Realizing it’s trading on its own, Joaquin says they need to pull the plug. Evan wants to wait, first asking if they’re up or down. When Sheldon reports they’re up. Evan wonders what the problem is. Joaquin argues they’ve lost control - it’s now Frankenstein’s monster. “You say that like it’s a bad thing”, Sheldon replies. Sheldon argues that reanimating life was an incredible scientific achievement. The real bad guys in the story were the ignorant villagers. “You were on the monster’s side?”, Joaquin asks. “Unfairly hounded for being different? You betcha.“, Sheldon tells him. Evan realizes they’ve created an algorithm that’s evolving by itself and becoming a new form of intelligence. “And I, Sheldon Cooper, wholeheartedly think it's terrific”, Sheldon announces loudly. After all, it may be listening.
On a street corner outside a liquor store, Billy asks Missy how they do this. Missy explains they wait for someone who’s old enough to buy beer but young enough to be cool. They approach a man heading into the store, but before Billy can even ask, the man tells them to buy their own beer. Missy tries again, asking a young man to buy her beer, claiming she forgot her ID. He asks how old she is. “Thirty?”, she offers tentatively. “Nice try”, he says, walking away. As Missy starts to think this was a bad idea, a teen boy approaches Billy, asking, “Hey, mister, will you buy us beer?” Billy, surprised, tells Missy they thought he was a grown-up. “Billy!" Missy exclaims to an oblivious Billy. Cut to Billy standing at the check-out counter, where the clerk hands him change for his case of beer. Billy takes the change and, in a deep voice, says “thank you”. Billy just stands there, so the confused clerk tells him he can go. Billy repeats, “Thank you,” in the same deep voice.
After Mary opens the door to Pastor Jeff, she says it’s nice to see him and invites him in, As they sit at the kitchen table, Pastor Jeff tells Mary he’s been thinking and they really miss her over at the church. Maybe she would consider coming back. Mary says that’s “awful kind” but explains she’s joined a new church. “The Methodists got you, didn’t they?”, Jeff worries. Mary replies that it’s Reverend Travis Lemon. “Oh, not the fella with the hair”, Pastor Jeff complains. He argues Lemon is just a snake oil salesman, taking people’s money and promising ‘em all kinds of riches. Mary counters by asking how he explains the $800 check she just got from the IRS, which arrived the day after she mailed Reverent Travis a check for $50. Pastor Jeff insists it had to be in the mail before she sent her check. “Did it?”, she questions. Pastor Jeff is as patriotic as the next guy, but our postal service “flat-out sucks”, he says before asking her to excuse his French. Mary disagrees, stating that Reverend Travis says the Lord wants her to be prosperous and she believes him. Pastor Jeff argues it’s just a coincidence and that she overpaid her taxes and received a refund - Jesus had nothing to do with it. Mary tells him he sounds like Sheldon. Wounded by this comparison, Pastor Jeff says he believes he knows the way out.
At the Sparks’ house, Missy asks Billy to help move the couch to create a dance floor. Billy proudly tells her he’s a very good dancer; his mom says so. As Billy demonstrates his dancing talent, the phone rings. When Billy answers, it’s his mom. Brenda asks how he’s doing on his own. Billy says he’s not alone; Missy’s there. Missy signals to Billy, who quickly clarifies that Missy’s not there. Brenda then asks him to put Missy on the phone. When Missy gets on the phone, Brenda asks what they’re up to. Missy insists they’re just hanging out. “Cut the crap. You throwing a party, ain't you?”, she asks. Missy still denies it, but Brenda tells her to relax. She’s all for it; she wants her son to have a life. “Wait, he's invited, right?”, Brenda asks to be sure. “Of course”, Missy says, explaining they’re just moving the couch to make a dance floor. “Oh, God, Missy, do not let him dance.”, Brenda begs.
In her prayer garden, Mary prays for guidance. “Lord, I know everyone thinks I'm being foolish giving money to Reverend Travis, but why wouldn't you want us to be prosperous? You love us, it makes sense. And I got that IRS check, which feels like a sign. And I think I know a sign when I see one.” Suddenly, a crow caws, bird droppings land on Mary’s forehead. Disgusted, she rushes into the kitchen. As Mary screams “Ew!”, George wonders what’s going on. “A bird did its business in my eye”, she explains. “Better than your mouth, right?”, George quips. She asks if he thinks he’s funny. “Yeah”, he replies as he drinks his beer.
In the dorm room, Sheldon tells Evan and Joaquin they have a problem. The computer is running slow, and they are now losing money. “I don't know if this is related, but I did add a new subroutine”, Sheldon admits. Evan wonders what it was for. “To resolve the inconsistencies between general relativity and quantum mechanics”, Sheldon explains. As they question why he would do that, Sheldon argues their algorithm is so smart and this is the biggest unanswered question in the universe. Evan points out that it's messing with the computer and they’re losing money, while Joaquin worries about getting a car and impressing girls. Sheldon reassures him, “Rest assured, you solve general relativity, the girls will be lined up around the block to kiss you.”
When Mary, with an eye that’s sore after being washed out, goes out to her car, she can hear party noises. “Someone’s having a party and we weren’t invited”, she complains to herself. When she gets in the car, it won’t turn over. Frustrated, Mary gets out of the “stupid car”, kicks it, yelps in pain and limps away.
In the dorm room, the guys grow increasingly anxious about the program as Sheldon struggles to stop the subroutine he added. Sheldon insists he’s trying, but says the general intelligence finds the question too interesting to stop. Evan points out they’re losing everything. Sheldon doesn’t know what to do. Suddenly, a computer monitor and tower unit come crashing out of a second-story window. Sheldon, Evan and Joaquin stick their heads out of the window to observe the smashed-up computer on the ground. “You could have just unplugged it”, Sheldon argues. “Or at least opened the window”, Evan adds. Joaquin complains that he showered for nothing.
In the den, Mary lays up with her foot on the couch as George bandages her toe. He says there’s not much you can do about a broken toe, unless she thinks Reverend Travis can fix it. A grumpy Mary jokes, “Maybe I’ll stick it up your butt.” George jokingly chides his wife for her salty language. As Mary stands up and says she’s going to bed, a screeching firework shatters the window, flies in, and hits Mary in the butt, knocking her over. Cut to Pastor Jeff opening his front door to Mary, her eye still sore: “I'm in. My bottom is scorched, don't look at it.”, she tells him. Pastor Jeff watches as Mary limps away.
At the church on Sunday, Pastor Jeff delivers his sermon. Mary, her right eye covered by a patch, sits in the pew alongside George, Meemaw and Missy. After George, Mary and Meemaw pass the collection plate down to Missy, she vomits into it. “Is that beer?”, Meemaw exclaims. Mary gasps and looks away. Pastor Jeff, trying to maintain his composure, says, “Anyway, welcome back, Coopers.”
