Sheldon: That boy has an exposed tattoo.
Mary: He does.
Sheldon: I wonder if he knows that's in violation of the dress code.

Sheldon: Would you like to play a driving game?
Mary: Not really. I always lose.
Sheldon: I know. That's why it's fun.

Mary: George Junior, give me back that bow-tie right now!
George Jr.: I didn't take it!
Mary: Don't you lie to me!
George Jr.: I'm not lying!
Mary: We'll see about that.
George Jr.: Stay out of my room!
Missy: She's gonna find your dirty magazines.
George Jr.: Shut up!
Missy: You are not having a good day.

Mary: Shelly, you don't really need a tie.
Sheldon: I have to find my tie. I have to find my tie.
Mary: Be right back.
Sheldon: Professor Proton wears a bow-tie!

George Jr.: Can I drive in with you?
George Sr.: Sure.
Missy: Everybody's gonna know he's your brother. It's gonna be awful for you.
George Jr.: Tell her to shut up.
George Sr.: She's not wrong.

Missy: Mom, Sheldon can't find his bow-tie.
Mary: Really? I laid it out for him.
George Sr.: Leave it alone, Mary. He doesn't need a bow-tie.
Mary: It's his first day of school. Let him wear what he wants.

Missy: She's lying. She just said that to make you feel better. Mom doesn't lie.
Sheldon: Sure, she thinks the Earth was made in six days, but that's 'cause she's gullible, not a liar.

Mary: What am I supposed to do? His feet are growing.
George Sr.: Why can't he wear Georgie's old shoes?
Mary: He won't hold your hand. You think he's gonna put his feet in his brother's smelly shoes?

Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon!
Sheldon: Hello, Billy Sparks. Hello, Matilda Sparks.
Billy Sparks: I heard you're going to high school tomorrow.
Sheldon: I am. You're going to have to find someone else to torment on the playground.
Billy Sparks: "Torment"?
Sheldon: (sighs) It means to maliciously harass.
Billy Sparks: "Her ass"? (chuckles) That's funny.
Sheldon: Well, this was nice.
Billy Sparks: [holds chicken close to Sheldon's face] Hey, doofus! (squawks)
Sheldon: Mom!

Mary: Go play.
Sheldon: "Go play" if only life were that simple.

Mary: Shelly, it's your last day of summer. Go out and enjoy it.
Sheldon: But I have to learn the student handbook. Ooh, did you know extreme hairstyles, goatees and mustaches are not allowed?
Mary: I didn't.
Sheldon: I personally find that very reassuring.

Adult Sheldon: My mom was my Christian soldier. And for the record, they descended when I was 15.

Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Missy: I'm having one right now.
Sheldon: Really? What is it?
Missy: When we get home, I'm gonna kick your little balls.
Sheldon: You can't. They haven't descended yet.

Sheldon: I'll go with you, Mom.
Missy: Why are you going? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: No, but I believe in Mom.
Mary: I'll take it.

Sheldon: I'm not going to be assaulted. High school is a haven for higher learning.
George Sr.: Oh, dear God.

Adult Sheldon: It was family dinners like this that led me to adopt a mid-Atlantic accent. Nobel Prize winners (in a Southern accent) ought not be orderin' tater tots.

Mary: That's enough. No one's adopted.
Missy: I wish I was.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Missy: Sheldon, if you don't get in here, - I'm gonna lick your toothbrush!
Sheldon: Coming!
Adult Sheldon: That's my sister. And she's done it before.

Adult Sheldon: I don't care how dimwitted you are, scientific principles have to make you smile. Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics. The only Newtons they cared about were Wayne and Fig.

Adult Sheldon: And when I figured out that trains allowed me to prove Newton's first law An object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon, alone and happy.