Episode Recap
In Dale’s house, Officer Gilroy and a technician are attaching an ankle monitor to Meemaw. Rich, the technician, asks how it feels. “Unnecessary”, Meemaw replies. Officer Gilroy reminds her that she tried to run away, making her a flight risk. Dale jumps to Meemaw’s defense, saying with her funky hip, she can barely waddle, let alone run. Rich explains the monitor has a 50-yard radius from the receiver. It’ll beep if she gets too close to the edges. If she leaves the perimeter, they get a call. If she tampers with it, they get a call. Dale wonders if it will give her a little zap “to help her learn”. “Will it beep if I kill him?”, Meemaw asks. Rich jokes that as long as it’s within 50 yards of the receiver, she can go for it. Meemaw wonders what she will do all day stuck at home. Dale is way ahead of her, saying, “I stopped and I picked up puzzles. Got us the Grand Canyon and Dogs Playing Poker.” Meemaw asks Officer Gilroy, “If I were to run right now, would you shoot me?”
In Dale’s house, he and Meemaw sit at the dining table doing a puzzle. Dale excitedly announces he has found a corner piece. “Congratulations”, Meemaw responds sarcastically. Dale insists they can still have a little fun. “I have lost my business, I have lost my home, I have lost my freedom, and you want to have fun?”, Meemaw questions. A “little” fun, Dale stresses. Meemaw wonders if he understands that she could be going to jail. Dale argues they’re not going to send a sweet old grandma to the pokey. Meemaw hopes not. “Well, tell me something if you would”, Dale says, holding a puzzle piece. “Is that sky or water?” Meemaw examines the puzzle piece and throws it across the room. Dale remarks that it's a good thing that wasn’t 50 yards, as she can still go get it.
After Georgie and Mandy return from Tennessee, they head straight to Dale’s house to see their daughter, CeeCee. Mandy asks where her daughter is, prompting Meemaw to admit she’s at Mary’s. Mandy wonders why. “Well, how do I put this?”, Meemaw says before kicking her leg up onto the table to reveal her ankle monitor. “What the heck is that?”, Georgie asks. “I’m under house arrest”, Meemaw explains, adding, “We got busted.” Georgie and Mandy are concerned about the use of “we”, but Meemaw clarifies that the cops don’t know about Georgie’s involvement. Dale assures Georgie his grandmother’s not a snitch. Georgie then asks about the laundromat and the video store. Meemaw explains the police shut everything down. Georgie wonders what they’re going to do for money. “That's an excellent question”, Meemaw admits. Changing the subject, Dale asks how they found Dollywood. “Magical”, Mandy says sternly before repeating, “What are we gonna do about money?”
When George arrives home, he finds Sheldon studying at the kitchen table. “Studying for a test?”, he asks. Sheldon explains that he’s studying for the Bar exam, as Meemaw’s going to need a good lawyer and, by the time they find one, he could just do it himself. “Seriously?”, George asks. “Common law was invented by a bunch of English farmers in the Middle Ages. I think I can hack it.”, Sheldon claims. George asks what he’s got so far. Sheldon mentions how Vincent "The Chin" Gigante, a former boxer, managed to stay out of prison by employing the legal doctrine of "mens rea”. “He pretended to be nuts. He wandered the streets of New York in a bathrobe, he had poor personal hygiene, he mumbled to himself... all the cuckoo classics.”, Sheldon explains. George tells Sheldon that if he needs someone to testify that Meemaw’s off her rocker, he should give him a call.
Missy comes into the kitchen to say the toilet is backed up. “Don’t look at me”, George says, “I just got home”. After Missy points out the toilet’s had years of him, George sighs and says he’ll take a look. In the bathroom, George struggles to unclog the toilet with a plunger. As the water starts shooting upwards, Missy passes by and repeats, “Years.”
Later, Missy stands with George at the front door as a plumber, Phil, hands George an estimate and explains he’s going to need 50% down. George, shocked by the amount, comments that they’re fixing a toilet not a car. Phil explains there’s nothing wrong with the toilet, but their septic tank is shot. When Missy asks what a septic tank is, Phil describes it as a big container under the backyard that's filled up with all their bathroom business. “Ew! I played in that yard”, Missy remarks. George asks Phil if there’s a friends and family discount, reminding him they went to high school together. “Yeah, and you were mean to me”, Phil replies. “Oh, come on! I-I was mad at the world, not just you!”, George stammers as Phil heads back to his van. “I ate that dirt”, a disgusted Missy tells her father.
Back inside, Mary asks George if the plumber fixed it. “Not quite”, George replies, saying
the plumber is still a weasel. Mary wonders why, so George hands her the estimate. “What a weasel”, Mary agrees. Mandy asks what they’re going to do given there’s six people living there; they need a working toilet. George says not to worry and asks Georgie to come with him. Georgie asks where they’re going. George says he has a plan. “Is it a good plan?”, Georgie questions. “Eh”, George admits.
Back at Dale’s, he’s excited that they have completed the sky portion of the puzzle. “Satisfying, huh?”, he says. Meemaw does not look impressed. “So, what do you think?”, he asks, “Want to get some exercise, go for a walk until you start beeping?” Meemaw doesn’t find that funny. She claims her life is in shambles and she’s too old to start over. Dale reassures her, “You are not too old. Now, listen, you are a smart, vibrant, perky woman.” “Perky?”, Meemaw questions. “Compared to me”, he replies. “Your life's not over. You are writing a new chapter in the book of you. A book where a perky heroine rises up and…” “And?”, Meemaw prompts. Dale doesn’t know. He asks if she wants to get drunk. She agrees. Dale says he’s gonna run to the liquor store and jokes about whether she’s coming with him. As he leaves, he says he’ll be back in a jiffy. To herself, Meemaw admits, “God help me, I love him.”
In the backyard of the Cooper house, George and Georgie finish moving a portable toilet. “Not bad, huh?”, George says. Georgie thinks it might look better by the fence. “Look better? It's a big plastic crap house.”, George replies. Sheldon, Missy, Mary and Mandy come out to take a look. George explains he got it from the school, where they have about ten of them for visiting teams. He encourages everyone to give it a whirl. Sheldon says he’d rather die and goes back inside. Missy asks if there’s a light inside. George says no, which Georgie thinks is a good thing. George decides they’ll tie a flashlight to the handle. “I always wondered what rock bottom would look like.”, Mandy remarks. George asks her to at least check it out. After he opens the door, Mandy takes a look inside and declares, “I checked, I'm out.”
At the McAllister house, Georgie and Mandy arrive with their bags and CeeCee in her stroller. Georgie says he can’t thank them enough. “Don’t be silly”, Jim replies, “stay as long as you need.” “We're just thrilled to have you and the baby here”, Audrey adds. “And me, too, right?”, Georgie questions. “Yes, you'll be here, too”, Audrey responds. Trying to move on from that frosty exchange, Jim offers to help with their bags. “Now, Georgie, if the police come for you, what should we tell them?”, Audrey asks. “Mom!”, Mandy exclaims. “I'm sorry. I've never harbored a fugitive before.”, Audrey says. “Mom!”, Mandy repeats.
In Mandy’s childhood bedroom, as they unpack, Georgie asks about one of the posters on the wall. It’s Donny Osmond, she explains. Georgie’s never heard of him. “You know, Donny and Marie?”, she clarifies. Georgie says he sometimes forgets how much older she is than him. “Thanks”, Mandy replies dryly. Mandy apologizes for her mom’s comments earlier, Georgie isn’t bothered. “We got a double bed and an indoor bathroom. She can spit in my Corn Flakes, and I'm a happy camper.” Mandy jokes that her mother might indeed do that. Georgie insists he will win her over. Mandy points out Audrey thinks he ruined her life, but Georgie reminds her she thought that and then married him.
Meanwhile, in Jim and Audrey’s bedroom, Audrey complains that she knew no good would come of this marriage. Jim argues that she could be nicer to Georgie. Audrey retorts, “I can also go out in the backyard and water the crabgrass”. Back with Georgie and Mandy, Georgie reassures Mandy they are going to be alright. “You know, I'm the hardest worker you'll ever meet. When I see something I want, I don't stop till I get it”, he declares. Mandy admits he is relentless. Elsewhere, Audrey is hopeful that with Mandy back in the house, she can help her come to her senses. In the meantime, Jim was thinking about putting Georgie to work in the store. “There you go, watering the crabgrass”, Audrey responds. Jim insists it’s not charity; Georgie will work. Audrey argues Georgie is a criminal. Back in Mandy’s room, Georgie says what he wants is to take care of her and CeeCee and maybe someday a “Georgie Junior Junior”. Mandy corrects him, saying, “You mean George the Third”, but Georgie thinks that sounds too fancy and jokes that he’d get his ass kicked. Finally, Jim tells Audrey those backroom slot machines are all over town. She wonders how he would know that. Jim insists people just tell him things; he’s got that kind of face.
That night, as Sheldon sleeps in bed, Adult Sheldon explains he had a plan to avoid using the porta-potty. He just had to get through the night until he could get back to my dorm in the morning. He lowered his overall liquid intake, skipped his pre-bed chamomile tea, and gave his bladder a stern talking to. Unfortunately, his bladder did not listen. Sheldon goes outside and stands before the porta-potty. “I can do this”, he tells himself. Adult Sheldon narrates, “My body may have been weak, but my mind was strong. I just needed to think about this situation in a different way. Instead of a porta-potty, it was a TARDIS. Instead of Sheldon, I was Doctor Who, whose urine was ready to travel through space and time. For those who aren't familiar, the TARDIS is bigger on the inside. This one, however, was smellier on the inside.” In the fantasy, the Doctor steps inside the TARDIS. In reality, Sheldon steps out of the porta-potty. “I can’t do this.”, Sheldon declares. Adult Sheldon continues, “I'm not proud of this, but that night, I relieved myself inside Billy Sparks' chicken coop. Until my wife, those hens were the only females I ever exposed myself to. I guess I could have left that part out. Oh, well.”
The next morning at the McAllister’s house, Jim and Mandy are eating breakfast at the table as Georgie serves Jim some more bacon. When Audrey arrives, Mandy explains Georgie made them breakfast. “Isn’t that nice?”, she adds. “I guess I'll just have to run to the supermarket later and get some more eggs for that cake I was going to make”, Audrey responds. Georgie insists that it’s no problem and offers to go to the grocery store. “Oh. Apparently we're not job-hunting today”, Audrey replies. Jim attempts to change the subject, saying, “Oh, speaking of jobs…” before receiving a stern look from his wife. “Good luck to you, son,” he finishes.
Outside Dale’s house, Sheldon knocks on the door, performing his now-customary three knocks followed by “Meemaw!” repeated three times. When Meemaw opens the door, Sheldon immediately says she looks terrible. Covering his mouth and nose with his elbow, he asks if she's sick. “Of life, yes”, Meemaw clarifies. Relieved that it’s not contagious, Sheldon lowers his elbow. Meemaw tells him to get inside as the light’s killing her. “You smell like alcohol. Yucky”, Sheldon comments on his way in.
Inside, Dale is at the kitchen table, looking equally hungover. Meemaw announces that they have a visitor. “Oh, great”, Dale says unconvincingly. “You will think it's great when you hear the brilliant legal strategy I have to keep Meemaw out of prison”, Sheldon says. “What do you got?”, Meemaw asks. “It's simple. We argue under Article 46-B of the Texas Penal Code that you're unfit to stand trial due to mental incompetence.”, Sheldon explains. “You-you want to tell 'em I'm crazy?”, Meemaw asks. Yes, Sheldon confirms, asking Meemaw to keep this dishevelled look as it bolsters their case. Dale asks if this strategy has worked before. Sheldon assures him that it has, but mentions she’ll probably be institutionalized instead. “You-you... you want me to go to the nuthouse?”, Meemaw stammers. Sheldon insists he wants to keep her out of prison. Meemaw thanks her “Moon Pie” for his efforts, but insists she’s fine. Dale explains they’re going to use a buddy’s nephew who’s a lawyer. Sheldon wonders if this is because he hasn’t passed the bar yet, claiming that a monkey could do it. Meemaw says they just want someone with a bit more professional experience. “Okay”, Sheldon responds, clearly a little offended. “I mean, I've been doing this for a day and a half, but suit yourself.”
At the McAllisters’ house, Georgie returns to the kitchen with a bag of groceries and tells Audrey he got everything on the list. “Also filled out an application to be a bag boy while I was there.”, he adds. “Wonderful”, Audrey says snidely, “My son-in-law, the bag boy.” Georgie insists it’s only temporary. “I'll make my way up to cashier, then night manager, then manager-manager, then regional supervisor, then it's just a hop, skip and a jump to HQ. That's short for headquarters.” Audrey questions whether he can do all that without a high school diploma. “If you're a member of the can-do club”, Georgie says cheerfully. “God help me”, Audrey mutters to herself as she leaves. As Georgie starts putting the groceries away, Mandy comes into the kitchen and asks Georgie, “What's the can-do club, and why is my mom so mad about it?”
Outside, Audrey finds Georgie up on a step ladder, cleaning leaves out of the gutters. Audrey asks what he’s doing. “Cleaning out these rain gutters”, he explains, “Otherwise, the water gets backed up and wrecks havoc on your roof.” “Wreacks… havoc.”, Audrey corrects him. “No, I'm pretty sure it's wrecks, 'cause that's what it do.” Audrey rolls her eyes and goes back inside.
Later, Georgie is holding CeeCee as he reads her a fairy tale about the big bad wolf. Audrey watches him from the hallway. “Don't worry. Daddy'll never let that happen to you. I'm gonna keep you safe.”, Georgie tells CeeCee. He notices her diaper needs changing. As he stands up to change CeeCee’s diaper, he spots Audrey. “Oh, hey. She's got you and Mandy's good looks, but... phew... she poops like her dad.”, Georgie tells her tactlessly. “Lovely”, Audrey says and walks off. As Georgie lays CeeCee on the bed, he says, “Your grandma's coming around on me. Yeah, she is.”
In Dale’s living room, he and Meemaw meet with a young lawyer named Bryce, who is 24. Meemaw can’t believe Dale got her a child attorney. Dale points out she was about to take legal advice from a 14-year-old. Bryce informs Meemaw that after talks with the D.A., a deal can be made without going to trial: “you plead guilty, pay a fine, lose your business license, maybe some community service, probation, but no jail time”. Meemaw asks if she gets to keep the laundromat and the video store. “No”, Bryce explains, “Those are all considered a part of the criminal enterprise. They get confiscated.” Meemaw wonders if she can fight it. Bryce asks on what grounds. “I didn't have an illegal gambling room. I collected... antique slot machines. It was my hobby.”, Meemaw offers. And the evading arrest? “I was just taking my great-granddaughter for a brisk stroll.” Dale wonders if Meemaw decided to go with the insanity defense. Bryce advises Meemaw to take the deal, put it all behind her and move on with her life. Meemaw claims she has no life, but Dale points out she has him. “Yeah, yeah”, Meemaw says, unmoved. Meemaw wonders if she had something to offer in the deal whether she could skip the fine and keep her businesses. She mentions the “greedy rat of a cop I was paying off.” Bryce reveals that Ruttledge was the one who flipped on her. “Son of a bitch. You can't even trust a dirty cop these days.”, she complains. Dale encourages Meemaw to take the deal, too. Meemaw relents. “Oh, thank God,” a relieved Dale says, “I'm too old to find somebody new.”
At the Coopers’, Mary finds Meemaw taking money out of a hole in the wall. “You put a hole in my wall and hid money in it?”, Mary asks. Meemaw says it seemed safe; who would look for money in this dump? Mary wonders why she needs it. “Legal fees”, Meemaw says, “Maybe a new gambling room.” “Mom.”, Mary exclaims. After Meemaw asks about the porta-potty in the backyard, Mary explains they’re having plumbing issues and need a new septic tank. “Ouch”, Meemaw responds. “Tell me about it”, Mary adds, asking, “How much you got in there?” Meemaw insists it’s none of her business, but Mary points out it’s in her wall. Meemaw argues it’s the Devil’s money, so Mary won’t want it. Mary, unfazed, says that last night, she went to pee and there was a snake in there. Moved, Meemaw gives Mary some money to get some indoor plumbing. As Mary thanks her mother, Missy shrieks and runs back inside, yelling, “Snake’s back! Snake’s back!”
When Georgie arrives back at the McAllister house, he’s wearing a grocery store apron. He announces that he got the job as a part-time bag boy. Jim is impressed, although he does question, “They let you take the apron home?” “Aw, shoot”, Georgie says, realizing his mistake. Mandy tells Georgie she’s proud of him. Georgie insists it’s temporary until he finds something better. Jim looks to Audrey, who sighs and nods her approval. “Listen, Georgie, Audrey and I were thinking…,” Jim starts to say until Audrey clears her throat. “I was thinking... I could really use some help down at the tire store.” Georgie is excited at the prospect of working at the tire store and quickly takes off his apron. “You are not gonna regret this. I'll work my butt off for you. Nights, weekends, holidays... you name it, I am there.”, Georgie promises. “Pretty impressive kid, huh?”, Jim says to his wife. “We’ll see”, Audrey responds. Mandy, surprised to hear her mother has an even slightly open mind towards Georgie, tells him good job. “Told you,” Georgie says to Mandy.
Late at night, George heads out to the porta-potty with a newspaper. Once inside, he hears a noise and wonders what it is. “What the hell is... Oh, a snake! Snake!” he yells as the porta-potty rocks back and forth. “Oh! A snake!”, he whimpers. The porta-potty tips over, and George shouts, "Mary?! Bring a towel!"
