Sheldon: You're so lucky.
Ms. Hutchins: You're gonna have to walk me through that.
Sheldon: Well, you don't have anyone in your house telling you what you can or can't do.
Ms. Hutchins: Right, Sheldon. I don't have anyone.
Sheldon: I just said that. Are you becoming a drug addict already?

Sheldon: [knocks three times] Dr. Linkletter?
Man: No.
Sheldon: Sorry. You and he have the same loafers. Carry on.

Sheldon: And then he ripped up my paper right in front of me.
Mary: What is this man's problem?
Sheldon: I don't know. He didn't even use a ruler. He just ripped it up, willy-nilly.
Mary: Do you want me to call the school?
Sheldon: No, he was in the Army. I want him to think I'm tough.
Mary: Sure. Well, I'm sorry you had a bad day. How about a little trip to RadioShack?
Sheldon: RadioShack's not gonna make this better. It's also not gonna make it worse, so okay.
Mary: You got it.
Sheldon: Maybe he was just intimidated by my intelligence.
Mary: Or maybe he's an insecure bully taking out his frustrations on a little boy.
Sheldon: I like my version better where I'm intimidating and not a helpless child.
Mary: Okay, he's taking out his frustrations on a powerful and intimidating young man.
Sheldon: That works.

Sheldon: I will not be denied my jelly. [lid pops] Yes! Watch out, peanut butter. You're next.

Meemaw: Okay, here you go.
Sheldon: You're not baking them fresh?
Meemaw: Do you want me to bake or you want me to listen?
[Sheldon shrugs]
[cut to Meemaw mixing cookie dough]

Pastor Jeff: Okay, campers! Bible trivia time. For a Noah's Ark rain poncho, what was Peter's original name? [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: Peter's original name was Simon.
Pastor Jeff: Correct!
Sheldon: You didn't know that one, did you?
Paige: Yes, I did. He was also known as Cephas.
Sheldon: Then why didn't you raise your hand?
Paige: 'Cause I don't care.

Sheldon: What is that? A bug bite?
[fantasy: a man (Penn Gillette) addresses the camera from a large chair:]
A.V.: Hello, allow me to introduce myself. I am Acne Vulgarus. More commonly known as the pimple. Frankly, neither name paints a very pretty picture, but such is the life of a pustule. [a smaller man (Teller) is seated on a stool] And this is my longtime colleague, Pus. Now, we're usually associated with, uh, ugliness and discomfort, but I would argue we're actually a symbol of growth. In this case, Sheldon Cooper's ascent... or descent... into adulthood. Kind of a signpost that says, "You are now entering puberty." [Pus holds up a sign reading exactly that] Yeah, like that.

Adult Sheldon: To avoid looking suspicious, I tried to interact with my mom as little as possible. Thankfully, it's rude to speak with your mouth full.
Mary: You look tired, baby. Sleep okay?
Sheldon: [shoveling food into his mouth] Mm-hmm.
Mary: So how big a tax refund you think we're gonna get?
Sheldon: [pointing at his mouth] Mm.

Sheldon: In the meantime, can I call AAA?
Mary: Can it please wait?
Sheldon: No.
Mary: [sighs] Card is in my purse.
Sheldon: You're what guys call "a keeper."

Dr. Lee: I suggest we mount a radio telescope on the roof so that we can get a good read on the fluctuations in radiation.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent. We'll pick a small region of the sky and drill down.
Dr. John Sturgis: Whoa, whoa, pump your brakes. We need at least a 45-square-degree sector of the sky in order to take any meaningful readings.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous. What we need to do is cut a single linear section across the horizon.
Dr. Linkletter: No, if we don't focus, we won't get any useful data. I suggest 20 arc minutes max. The trick is to pick a good spot.
Dr. John Sturgis: You want a trick? Go see David Copperfield.
Dr. Linkletter: How about I make you disappear?
Dr. Lee: [claps] Do I need to separate you? Or can we try to put our minds together for the advancement of science?
Dr. Linkletter: The second one.
Sheldon: I know you're new here, ma'am, but this is our process. They argue, I swoop in and save the day. It may seem unorthodox to you, however... [Dr. Lee claps again] The- The second one.

Adult Sheldon: The next day I returned to my role as lab assistant with renewed vigor. Bolts were greased, wires were stripped, floors were swept, all with a smile. It was a forced smile but you'd never know.
Dr. Linkletter: I must say, Sheldon, I'm impressed.
Sheldon: I gave you my word and I'm standing by it.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I know it's not glamorous, but all scientists pay their dues.
Sheldon: And I'm happy to do it.
Dr. Linkletter: Good man.
Sheldon: I understand my role here. In fact, I noticed a flaw in your reaction rates, but I kept it to myself because I know my place.
Dr. Linkletter: You really think there's a flaw?
Sheldon: Oh, yes.
Dr. Linkletter: What is it?
Sheldon: I appreciate you testing me, but I'm not going to crack.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm not testing you.
Sheldon: Nice try.

Pastor Jeff: Who would like to tell us how God touched their lives this week? [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: He didn't, because He doesn't exist.
Pastor Jeff: Then why raise your hand?
Sheldon: Not just any hand. My left hand. Because I'm able to overcome any obstacle.
Pastor Jeff: And maybe God helped you do that.
Sheldon: Actually, it was Stephen Hawking, and he's better because he exists.
Pastor Jeff: Yes, 'cause God made him. Anybody else? [Billy raises his hand] Billy.
Billy Sparks: Is this gonna be on the test?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, boy.

Adult Sheldon: My sister encouraged me to embrace adolescence as a journey of scientific discovery. I stood before a whole new teenage world of music, slang words and even clothing styles. [Sheldon removes a red Flash t-shirt] Pretty groovy, huh?
[Sheldon stands in front of his bedroom mirror wearing the red Flash t-shirt over a blue undershirt]
Sheldon: Wow, I might look too cool.

Sheldon: How long do I have to sit here and sulk before someone asks me what's wrong?
Mary: Maybe people are tired of hearing about it.
Sheldon: Ms. Hutchins, would you care to chime in?
Ms. Hutchins: Oh, I-I don't want to get in the middle of a family issue, but... I will say that I once had a falling out with someone very close to me.
Sheldon: What happened?
Ms. Hutchins: We ended up parting ways on bad terms. I-I still regret it.
Sheldon: But you were right and they were wrong?
Ms. Hutchins: You know what, it doesn't feel like it matters anymore. And not a day goes by that I don't miss them.
Sheldon: Perhaps I do owe Dr. Sturgis an apology.
Ms. Hutchins: I was talking about your mother.
Sheldon: I'll circle back to her.

Sheldon: Judah was the father of Perez and Zerah by Tamar, Perez was the father of Hezron, and Hezron was the father of Ram.
George Sr.: Why's he reading the Bible?
Sheldon: To humiliate and destroy Paige at Bible camp.
Mary: That.

Sheldon: Your mother lets you wear lipstick?
Paige: Of course not.
Sheldon: Interesting. Does she know you're leading a double life?
Paige: Grow up.
Sheldon: Why do you think you're rebelling against parental authority?
Paige: Isn't it obvious? I'm having a textbook reaction to their divorce.
Sheldon: What textbook? Did you get it from the library?

Missy: You're so weird.
Sheldon: More than usual?
Missy: No, I guess not.
Sheldon: Perfect.

Sheldon: Would you like your seat back?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes. I'd also like my office back.
Sheldon: What do you mean?
Dr. Linkletter: Son, you can't just hang out here whenever you want.
Sheldon: Why not? We're friends.
Dr. Linkletter: No. I'm a professor, you're a student. I'm 68, you're 11. Do you see where I'm headed here?
Sheldon: Nope.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, I've tried to be nice about this, but you're just not taking the hint. If you have questions about class, I'm here. Otherwise, please leave me alone.
Sheldon: Uh, I understand.
Dr. Linkletter: Thank you.

George Sr.: It's time for your pain pill.
Sheldon: Be careful. You could become addicted and lose your job. Which is all you have.
George Sr.: [sighs] Get out of here.

President Hagemeyer: Well, I hope that you're starting to see the challenge I faced putting any of you in charge.
Sheldon: You're right, we're sorry.
Dr. Linkletter: Stop that.
Sheldon: Sorry.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, we can't move forward until a project leader is chosen.
Sheldon: He's right, I'll do it.
Dr. Linkletter: You're a child.
Dr. John Sturgis: [to Linkletter] You're a child.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, you're all children.
Sheldon: Sorry. [to Linkletter] Sorry.