Missy: I get it.
Sheldon: What do you get?
Missy: Why you don't want to go to college.
Sheldon: I doubt that you do.
Missy: You're scared everything's gonna be different and it'll be hard. And you're gonna miss the way that it was.
Sheldon: How do you know that?
Missy: 'Cause that's how I feel.
Sheldon: You're scared?
Missy: Yeah.
Sheldon: So what do we do?
Missy: I guess be scared and do it anyway.
Sheldon: Hmm. It's comforting to know that you feel the same way that I do.
Missy: That's why I said it, dumbass.

George Sr.: All right, see, when you get tackled in your own end zone, the other team gets two points and the ball. That's called a safety.
Missy: I thought one of the players was a safety.
George Sr.: Well, that's true, too.
Missy: I'm confused.
George Sr.: Now you know how I feel when you talk about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Missy: What's confusing? Everything you need to know is in the title.

George Jr.: I'll get it! [answering the phone suavely] Hello, Georgie speaking.
Missy: Did you run to the phone? Do you feel stupid?

[Sheldon sits on the top of the couch with his feet on the cushion]
Missy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm practicing the philosophy of cynicism... The ancient Greek view that the rules of society should be ignored.
Missy: If you're gonna break rules, you can do better than that.
Sheldon: How?
[Missy pushes Sheldon off the couch]

Mary: Shelly, remember when you thought you had leprosy, and it was just a patch of dry skin?
George Sr.: And when you thought you had gout? Or an enlarged prostate?
Mary: Or mad cow?
Missy: That was my favorite.

Missy: You awake?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: Are you gonna miss me?
Sheldon: I haven't given it any thought.
Missy: Well, we're just lying here. Think about it.
Sheldon: I am used to you.
Missy: I'm used to you, too.
Sheldon: It's not the same as liking you.
Missy: No.
Sheldon: To me, you're like string beans. No one asks for them, no one wonders about them. They're just there on the plate.
Missy: But you eat them, right?
Sheldon: Yes.
Missy: You're gonna miss me.

Missy: Why do we need the camera?
Sheldon: So people in the future can see your transformation. Where are you going?
Missy: To put on a dress for the future people.

Mary: Missy, did your sandwich taste different today?
Missy: Couldn't tell you. I traded it for a Ding Dong.

Missy: Whoa.
Sheldon: What's that?
Missy: It's a ghost detector that came in my cereal box.
Sheldon: It's just a piece of paper.
Missy: Then why did it move in my hand?
Sheldon: From perspiration.
Missy: Or ghosts.

Mary: Mornin'.
Missy: Did you check on Ms. Hutchins? Is she still alive?
Mary: Of course she is. Why?
Missy: No reason.

Meemaw: So what-what-what's his name?
Missy: Marcus Adam Larson, he's 11 and a half, he has blond hair, his favorite color's green and he's learning how to skateboard, but he's not very good yet.
Meemaw: Okay, well, I have to ask, now... at your age, having a boyfriend, what does that mean? Do you, uh... go out on dates?
Missy: No.
Meemaw: Um... well, d-do you hold hands?
Missy: I wish, but no.
Meemaw: So how do you know he's your boyfriend?
Missy: Because this happened. [hands Meemaw a "check yes or no" paper]
Meemaw: Wow. I didn't realize you had documentation.
Missy: I know.

Missy: I don't want to die. I've only kissed one boy so far.
Mary: What?
Missy: Relax. It was a long time ago.
George Sr.: Are you relaxed?

Meemaw: Okay, who's excited?
George Jr.: I don't want to see Sheldon's stupid play, it's humiliating.
Missy: That's why I want to see it.

Mary: What's all this?
Sheldon: An extra layer of protection.
Meemaw: Protection from what?
Mary: Sweetie, is someone bothering you?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: Who is it?
Sheldon: I'd rather not talk about it.
Mary: No, I want a name right now.
George Sr.: Mary.
Mary: Have you been hurting him?
Missy: Only with my words.

George Sr.: The trick is not to make eye contact.
Missy: Tell him.

Missy: So it's not gonna be scary?
Mary: It will, but without all the blood and gore.
Missy: But I like blood and gore.

Sheldon: True or false? At times, you have referred to yourself as being dumb.
Missy: True.
Sheldon: And do you enjoy feeling that way?
Missy: No.
Sheldon: Well, let me change that. I'm presenting you with an opportunity to achieve the full potential of your mind.
Missy: Are you gonna do some experiment where we switch brains?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: 'Cause I've seen it on Gilligan's Island and I've seen it on The Flintstones and it never goes well.

Missy: Dear Alf, I'm your number one fan. I like you because you're an alien but you're funny, unlike my brother who's an alien but just a jerk. Anyway, I hope you're enjoying your time here on our planet and have found things to eat other than cats. I recommend chicken nuggets. Sincerely, Missy Cooper, age ten.

Missy: Tell you what, Jody. Why don't you go upstairs to your daddy's bedroom, and see how much is in his wallet? Don't worry, it's not stealing if it's for God.

George Sr.: What are y'all up to?
Sheldon: Just helping Mom with some church work.
George Sr.: Well, aren't you two great kids.
Missy: We like to think so.