Principal Petersen: Now, I understand Sheldon is an exceptional child, all right, but when he willfully disobeys the order of a teacher, there needs to be some consequences here.
George Sr.: Oh, we couldn't agree more.
Mary: What kind of punishment are you thinking?
Principal Petersen: Well, Mary, in a case like this, a few days of detention.
Mary: Really? That seems a little harsh.
George Sr.: Oh, detention's no big deal. Now, my principal used to whup my ass with a paddle. That got my attention.
Principal Petersen: Oh, yeah. Those were the days. Still have mine. Ah, Ol' Spanky. Whoa.
George Sr.: Got a real nice grip on that thing.
Principal Petersen: Yeah, George. Had the equipment manager over at the Astros make this for me. The holes in it cut down on wind resistance.
George Sr.: Smart.
Principal Petersen: But these days you have to have a consent form to whack the kids. I don't know where this world's headed.
George Sr.: You ought to get one of those for when Georgie acts up. Like you never thought about going upside his head with a slab of wood.
Principal Petersen: You know, there was a time this thing gave me tennis elbow.

George Sr.: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Sheldon: Dad, do you believe that fossils are millions of years old?
George Sr.: I guess. Why?
Sheldon: Well, Mom believes the world was only created 6,000 years ago.
George Sr.: Yeah. So?
Sheldon: Are these differences a sticking point in your marriage?
George Sr.: Not at all.
Sheldon: Why?
George Sr.: Simple. We never talk about it.
Sheldon: So you just avoid discussing topics you don't agree on?
George Sr.: At all costs.

Meemaw: I bowled a new high score last night.
George Sr.: Nice.
Meemaw: I got two turkeys.
Missy: What's a turkey?
Meemaw: It's three strikes in a row.
Missy: Why do they call it a turkey?
Meemaw: Well, when they first invented bowling, they used to just throw frozen turkeys at the pins. Eventually, they switched to balls to cut down on the smell.
George Sr.: Why you lying to her?
Meemaw: I find it keeps my mind sharp.

George Jr.: I think the saddest part about it is just how sad it is.

Adult Sheldon: As you can see, my meemaw successfully lured me back into the world by reminding me of my brave Texas ancestors. Their blood ran through my veins. I was a true son of the Lone Star State. Albeit a true son with an incredibly fragile immune system. I woke up the next morning with a temperature of 102 and a head packed full of mucus.

Meemaw: Mind if I take a crack at catching the Road Runner?
Mary: What are you gonna do that I couldn't do?
Meemaw: Oh, a little trick I learned trying to get prairie dogs out of the hole. Of course we'd whack off their heads with a golf club. I'm not gonna do that to Sheldon.