Mary: [answers phone] Hello?
President Hagemeyer: Mrs. Cooper, it's Linda Hagemeyer.
Mary: Is everything okay?
President Hagemeyer: Well, I was hoping that you could tell me. [chuckles] Uh, Sheldon was in my office earlier and was pretty upset about the situation at home.
Mary: What did he tell you?
President Hagemeyer: Nothing much, really, just that his parents are fighting all the time, his older brother got a girl pregnant and his sister punched a little boy in Sunday school.
Mary: Oh. Well... [sighs] ...it's been a busy couple of days. Just, you know, life... One thing after another.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, ain't that the truth. Anyway, I'm sure that you know this university has invested quite a bit in Sheldon's progress, and, uh, well, not to be critical, but... he didn't come to you complaining about me.
Mary: What are you saying? Are you saying that I'm not doing a good job as his mother? Because I am doing the best that I can to hold this family together, and I am tired of everyone blaming me. [Missy is listening in the hallway] I have half a mind to get in my car and drive until I run out of road and then start my life over again with a different name.
President Hagemeyer: Okay. Sure. So, uh... sounds like you've got a handle on this. So good to talk to you. Um, have a lovely evening.
Mary: You too! [hangs up] [cries] [Missy hugs Mary] Oh... [sniffles]

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Mary: Let's say grace.
Sheldon: Hang on, safety first. [puts mittens on]
George Jr.: When are you gonna get over that?
Sheldon: I would think recent events would make you value protection.
Mary: Enough.

Sheldon: If we're switching religions, may I recommend Judaism.
Mary: Why?
Sheldon: Both William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy are Jewish.
George Sr.: So?
Sheldon: Isn't that enough?

Adult Sheldon: I was struggling to focus and needed help. Luckily, there was someone on campus I could always count on to lend a friendly ear. A second mom, if you will.
President Hagemeyer: What now?
Sheldon: You said if I ever had a problem, I could come to you and you'd fix it.
President Hagemeyer: When did I say that?
Sheldon: September 13th, 1991. You had just eaten a poppyseed bagel and had one stuck in your teeth.
President Hagemeyer: I'll take your word for it.
Sheldon: It was right here. How did it not make you crazy? It made me crazy.
President Hagemeyer: What do you want?
Sheldon: My family's falling apart.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Uh... what do you want me to do?
Sheldon: Fix it.