Sheldon: Paige? Why are you here?
Paige: The lecture.
Sheldon: Well, if you're looking to jump the line, I don't do cutsies.
Paige: No, I'm actually part of the lecture. Professor Patterson is my mentor at U.T.
Sheldon: Really? You're part of the quantum gravity team?
Paige: Yeah, it's actually really interesting. We've been examining all...
Sheldon: I know what it's about. It's why I've been waiting in line for three hours.
Paige: Wow, three hours to see me speak? I didn't know you were such a fan.

Sheldon: I can relate. A young lady brought chaos into my life as well today.
Missy: What happened?
Sheldon: Paige was visiting the university and got mad that I have college friends and she doesn't.
George Sr.: You're drunk, Sheldon has friends. This a crazy-ass dinner.

Adult Sheldon: I may have promised Paige I wouldn't tell my mother. Thankfully, Missy didn't. I don't know what lip gloss flavor says "mature," but that would be my sister.
Mary: Paige?
Missy: Where is she?
Sheldon: There's a note. "Sheldon, thank you for letting me stay here, but I have to go. I'm happy you're doing well. I need to find that for myself somewhere. I hope I can. Your friend, Paige."
Adult Sheldon: After a few frantic nights, Paige showed up at her mom's. They had a lot to figure out. Being a parent isn't easy. I know I made life difficult for my family. And my own kids do the same to me. Just yesterday, I had to take my son Leonard to the skate park, like a regular park isn't bad enough. It's safe to say, having children is challenging.

Paige: Your neighbors let you hang out with them?
Sheldon: I'm basically the social glue of our floor.

Dale: Did you see Connie last night?
George Sr.: Yeah, at dinner.
Dale: She say anything about me?
George Sr.: Please leave me out of this.
Dale: Oh, come on, we're friends, George, and I'm your boss.
George Sr.: She said she wants her bra back.
Dale: Uh, the purple one that opens in the front?
George Sr.: Really don't want to hear about this.
Dale: Well, you're the one that brought it up.

Meemaw: Georgie ain't here.
Mandy: I came to talk to you.
Meemaw: Could you please take your voice down just a notch?
Mandy: Why? You don't want anyone to hear?
Meemaw: No, I'm a little hungover.
Mandy: [shakes laundry trolley] How could you not tell me he was 17?
Meemaw: Look, I did tell him to tell you before things went too far.
Mandy: Well, they did go too far.
Meemaw: Well, I get it. Men are the worst. I'm going through stuff myself.
Mandy: We are not bonding over this!
Meemaw: Listen. Just calm down.
Mandy: Don't tell me to calm down! And good luck with your hangover. [slams dryer lid] [exits]
Meemaw: Well, that's too bad. I liked her.

Adult Sheldon: Paige made me realize that maybe I wasn't the loner I thought I was. Maybe I was a social butterfly, or a social animal less horrifying than a butterfly. Get it off the screen. But the point is, I was becoming a people person.
Sheldon: You again?
Paige: Well, hello to you, too.

Meemaw: And by the way, you can tell your friend Dale that I want my stuff back.
George Sr.: I'm not getting in the middle of this.
Meemaw: 'Cause I left my purple bra over at his place.
Missy: I want a purple bra.
Mary: Oh, Lord.
Meemaw: And if I'm gonna start dating again, I'm gonna need that.
George Sr.: Somebody else needs to talk.
Sheldon: Did you know that Leonard Nimoy takes pictures of...
George Sr.: Georgie?

Mary: Let's just eat.
Sheldon: Without praying?
Mary: [chuckles] How silly of me.
George Sr.: You all right?
Meemaw: Well, she's had a whole beer, so who knows.
Sheldon: Mother.
Mary: Can we just pray? [sighs] Bless us Lord for the food we are about to receive and bless the hands that prepared it. And forgive me for that beer. My mother made me do it. Amen.
Meemaw: Snitch.

Meemaw: So... your little girlfriend Mandy came by today, and she is pissed.
George Jr.: This is what I get for telling her.
Meemaw: No, this is what you get for lying to her.
George Jr.: I don't need you yelling at me, too.
Meemaw: Well, she was yelling at me, so now I'm yelling at you.
George Jr.: Just because you're having men problems, please don't take it out on me.
Meemaw: ... All I'm saying is you really messed up.
George Jr.: I apologized. Why are we still talking about this?
Meemaw: Georgie, just think how you'd feel if someday somebody did that to your sister.

Mary: You keep saying you're okay. Are you?
Meemaw: I'm better than okay.
Mary: Great. Glad to hear it.
Meemaw: You know what it's like? You see these peanuts? Two of them stuck together in the shell. Trapped. And then, you look here at this one, all on its own. Solo. Happy.
Mary: So, you're a solo peanut?
Meemaw: Mm, damn straight. As a matter of fact... [snaps peanut in half] Enjoy your freedom.
Mary: Well, if you're happy, I'm happy.
Meemaw: I am. Maybe not as happy as this threesome going on here. [holds up peanut]
Mary: Mom.

Paige: So, did you guys get, like, assigned to look after Sheldon or something?
Darren: No, he ended up in the room next door.
Oscar: So we took him in, like a dog.
Paige: Him being so young isn't, like, weird?
Sheldon: I'm basically 50.
Darren: And we're basically 12, so it all works out.

Missy: Here you go. There's an article about what your lip gloss flavor says about you. I'm sweet and fun like a strawberry.
Sheldon: I don't care.

Missy: What else you bringing her?
Sheldon: Toothbrush, toothpaste, pajamas, and these feminine napkins. Is one box enough?
Missy: Should be plenty.
Sheldon: I hope so. She's been awfully moody.
Missy: Maybe you aren't the best person to be handling this.
Sheldon: Agreed, but I'm all she's got.
Missy: I feel like you should tell Mom.
Sheldon: I promised I wouldn't.
Missy: I know, but this sounds serious.
Sheldon: I got her a toothbrush and lady pads, what more can I do?

Mary: Where you going?
George Sr.: To meet Dale at the bar. [sighs] I really don't want to hear about this relationship anymore.
Mary: At least he talks about it. My mom just wants to drink and pretend she's fine.
George Sr.: That sounds great. Hey, maybe you and I can switch. I'll-I'll finish the dishes, you go hang out with Dale.
Mary: We can't switch.
George Sr.: Sure you can. Grab your coat.

Mandy: Oh, God, is that my yearbook?
George Jr.: Dang, y'all had some big hair.
Mandy: You're gonna talk to me about big hair?
George Jr.: You think it's big now, wait till it gets humid.

Paige: You got a roommate?
Sheldon: No, it's a single.
Paige: I have a chaperone. Mona. She's, like, 30. It's the worst.
Sheldon: Why do you need a chaperone?
Paige: Maybe they think I'm, like, some kind of troublemaker.
Sheldon: As the owner of the face you punched, they're right.

Paige: You didn't stay for the Q and A.
Sheldon: I had no Q's, and therefore, needed no A's.

George Sr.: I thought you ended things with her.
Dale: Yeah, not my fault she's okay with it.
George Sr.: You know what's better than going on and on about it?
Dale: What's that?
[cut to Dale grunting as he punches a boxing bag in the store:]
George Sr.: Come on, you can do better than that. Punch her new car. [Dale grunts] Don't forget it's yellow.
Dale: I mean, since when are cars yellow? It's not a taxi.
George Sr.: Less talking, more punching.
Dale: Can I at least have some gloves? My hands hurt.
George Sr.: Well, aren't you a tender buttercup.

Adult Sheldon: For many college kids, waiting in line for concert tickets is a rite of passage, and I was no different. Except, instead of rock and roll music, my concert was a lecture on black hole topology. Instead of a stage dive, I would dive into knowledge. Instead of guitar-shredding solos, I would witness universe-shredding hypotheses. And instead of a charismatic front man dazzling the audience, there would be... well, actually, the exact same thing.

Mary: Oh, I know that you're hurting, and... I'm here for you, so... what do you need?
Meemaw: Great, take me drinking.
Mary: It is 3:30 in the afternoon.
Meemaw: Yes, it's called happy hour.
Mary: I have to make dinner.
Meemaw: Oh, fine. I'll just be sad and drunk by myself. Maybe I'll go home with the bartender.
Mary: Missy! I have to go out with your meemaw, but I'll be back later with KFC.

Mary: [sighs] I appreciate you picking Missy up from school, but she does not need to hear about your love life.
Meemaw: She's got to learn sometime.
Mary: Learn what?
Meemaw: That men suck.
Mary: Not all men... do that.
Meemaw: Suck. Say it.
Mary: No.
Meemaw: I want Missy back.

Missy: Meemaw picked me up in her new car.
Meemaw: We drove with the top down. A truck driver honked at us. [chuckles]
Missy: It was awesome.
Meemaw: See? Missy loves my car. I don't know what Dale's problem is.
Missy: You're too good for him anyway.
Mary: Should she really be hearing about all this?
Missy: Mom, she just got dumped. It's what you do. Ooh, is any of his stuff at your house? Let's set it on fire.
Mary: Don't you have homework?
Missy: My grandma's hurting. She needs me.
Mary: Go.

George Jr.: Oh, you want me to move this to the bedroom?
Mandy: It's a studio, this is the bedroom.
George Jr.: Oh. [drops mattress on the floor] There you go.
Mandy: How can I ever thank you?
George Jr.: Let's see... we are in the bedroom.
Mandy: What, so, like, take a nap?
George Jr.: [chuckles] Maybe after.
Mandy: Deal. [they kiss]

Sheldon: Missy?
Missy: 'Sup?
Sheldon: Can I borrow one of your Sassy magazines?
Missy: I knew it. Okay, look, I'm cool with this, but do not tell Dad.
Sheldon: Tell him what?

Sheldon: Paige is staying in my dorm room, and I'm making her a care package.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: She wants to drop out of college, and she hasn't told her parents yet.
Missy: And she came to you?
Sheldon: She said I'm the only one who would understand.
Missy: Do you?
Sheldon: Nope.

Sheldon: I thought you were going back to Austin?
Paige: Uh, I'm not going back. I'm gonna drop out.
Sheldon: What? Where will you go?
Paige: I was thinking here, in your dorm.
Sheldon: Here?
Paige: Well, I mean, just for a couple days until I can figure out how to tell my mom.
Sheldon: I don't know.
Paige: Please? I don't have anywhere else to go, and... as embarrassing as this is to admit... you're the only person who can help me right now.
Sheldon: [sighs] Okay.
Paige: Thanks.
Sheldon: It's the least I can do. My life is going so much better than yours.

George Jr.: Can we talk?
Mandy: [sighs] We better.
George Jr.: What's going on?
Mandy: I'm pregnant.

George Sr.: Surprised you're here. Figured you'd be out with your little girlfriend.
George Jr.: Well, I'm not.
Meemaw: Uh-oh. Did somebody find out how old you are?
Missy: Ooh, what does that mean?
George Jr.: I don't want to talk about it.
Meemaw: What it means is, your brother over here has been going out with an older woman and lying about his age.
Mary: Georgie!
George Jr.: It don't matter. I told her the truth, and she dumped me.

Meemaw: Oh, for God's sake, take off that stupid Ballard shirt.
George Sr.: Oh, look, Connie's here.
Mary: [sighs] She's upset about Dale.
Meemaw: I ain't upset about jack squat.

Paige: How do you have more friends than me?
Sheldon: I don't know. I don't even want them.
Paige: I thought that college was gonna be this amazing experience, but I hate it.
Sheldon: You're doing such interesting work with Professor Patterson.
Paige: What, you really think he wants to take suggestions from me? I'm not even a woman in science. I'm a little girl in science. They just trot me out like the novelty act to help get funding.
Sheldon: They did that to me here, too.
Paige: They did?
Sheldon: Yes, and I was very rude to the donor.
Paige: [chuckles] You're kidding. What happened?
Sheldon: He appreciated my honesty, gave the school a bunch of money.
Paige: Of course he did. I got to go. Mona's probably freaking out because instead of friends, I have a Mona. [exits]
Sheldon: Bye.

Sheldon: Can you settle an argument? I said you're fine. Darren and Oscar said you're not fine.
Paige: [scoffs] Why wouldn't I be fine? I'm completely alone, and the one person I thought would understand is having the time of his life.
Sheldon: So... just to clarify...?
Paige: They're right, you're wrong.
Sheldon: Dang it.

Darren: Do you play D&D?
Paige: No. I actually just sit in my dorm room and study because I have no friends.
Darren: That's a bummer.
Paige: Yeah. I think I'm gonna go. [exits]
Sheldon: Bye.
Darren: You should go after her.
Sheldon: Why? She's a bummer, you just said so.

Mandy: I can't believe you lied to me.
George Jr.: Only 'cause I like you.
Mandy: Get out.
George Jr.: Come on, I'm the same guy I was five minutes ago.
Mandy: Yeah, a liar.
George Jr.: You lied to me about your age.
Mandy: Yeah, and then I felt really bad about it, and I told you the truth.
George Jr.: 'Cause you're more mature than me.
Mandy: Go.
George Jr.: Can I at least put on my shoes?
Mandy: No.

Mandy: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
George Jr.: It ain't that big of a deal.
Mandy: I just slept with a 17-year-old.
George Jr.: If you were a guy, you'd think that was cool.

Mandy: Okay, so, uh, when do I get to see your yearbook?
George Jr.: Actually... I dropped out my senior year.
Mandy: Oh.
George Jr.: I'm sorry for not telling you sooner.
Mandy: No, it's okay.
George Jr.: Yeah?
Mandy: Yeah. So what other secrets are you hiding from me? You got a wife and kids?
George Jr.: No. But I'm not really 21. I'm 17.
Mandy: [laughs] [George is silent] What the...?!

Paige: Well, I thought that maybe we could just hang out.
Sheldon: Why would we do that?
Paige: 'Cause we're friends.
Sheldon: Are we? One time, you punched me in the face.
Paige: Yeah, that's what friends do. Can I come in?
Sheldon: Why aren't you spending the afternoon with your colleagues?
Paige: Well, Professor Patterson took the team out for drinks. That kind of leaves me on my own.
Sheldon: Fine, come in.

Dale: Did you see that ridiculous car she bought?
George Sr.: Nope, but I sure have heard a lot about it.
Dale: What is her problem? She think she can do better than me?
George Sr.: Don't know what she thinks.
Dale: I'm a catch.
George Sr.: Okay.
Dale: You don't think I'm a catch?
George Sr.: You're a catch. You're very catchable.
Dale: Darn tootin'.