Announcer: [on TV] Attention, science fiction and comic book fans, this Friday, Saturday and Sunday in Ballroom B of the Texarkana Holiday Inn, it's Texarkana-Con! That's right, Texarkana...
Captain Kirk: [on TV] Khan!
Announcer: Celebrity appearances, panel discussions, autograph alley, only at Texarkana...
Captain Kirk: Khan!
Announcer: Raffles, prizes, costume parade, Friday through Sunday at Texarkana...
Captain Kirk: Khan!
Announcer: William Shatner not appearing.
Sheldon: William Shatner may not be appearing, but Sheldon Cooper is.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Mary: Sheldon, faith means believing in something you can't know for sure is real. And right now, I am struggling with that.
Sheldon: So you don't believe in God anymore?
Mary: That isn't something for you to worry about. I need to figure this out myself.
Sheldon: Can I help? Maybe I could provide a fresh perspective.
Mary: I don't think so, baby.
Sheldon: Did you know that if gravity were slightly more powerful, the universe would collapse into a ball?
Mary: I did not.
Sheldon: Also, if gravity were slightly less powerful, the universe would fly apart and there would be no stars or planets.
Mary: Where you going with this, Sheldon?
Sheldon: It's just that gravity is precisely as strong as it needs to be. And if the ratio of the electromagnetic force to the strong force wasn't one percent, life wouldn't exist. What are the odds that would happen all by itself?
Mary: Why are you trying to convince me to believe in God? You don't believe in God.
Sheldon: I don't, but the precision of the universe at least makes it logical to conclude there's a creator.
Mary: Baby, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but logic is here. And my problem is here.
Sheldon: Well, there are 5 billion people on this planet and you're the perfect mom for me. What are the odds of that?

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

Sheldon: Mom, I know what I want to do for spring break. What happened to your face?
Mr. Lundy: Told you, people take notice.
Mary: This is for my new job.
Sheldon: Is your new job fighting Batman? Because you look like The Joker.

George Sr.: Sales is a tough racket, Mare.
George Jr.: Yeah. It ain't as easy as I make it look.
Mary: Well, I think I'd be good at it.
George Jr.: You sure? Sometimes you got to do a little fibbin'.
Mary: I would do it without that.
George Jr.: And you got to have people skills.
Mary: I have people skills.
George Jr.: Do you?
Mary: I'd like to throw my dinner roll at your head right now, but you don't see me doing it.

Mary: I'm not buying it. I'm thinking about selling it.
George Sr.: You?
Mary: Yes, me. Wouldn't hurt to have extra money.
Sheldon: But you already have two jobs... church and mom.
Mary: Well, that second one doesn't pay much.
Sheldon: I do your taxes. The first one doesn't either.