Adult Sheldon: That was the first time I held my father's hand. I wouldn't touch my brother's hand until seventeen years later, thanks to the invention of Purell.

George Sr.: I got fired, Sheldon. And I got a bad reputation.

George Sr.: Did you ever wonder why we moved from Galveston to Medford?
Sheldon: I tend to worry about the bigger questions.
George Sr.: Okay. Well, here's why. Your Dad had a real good coaching job and I saw some grown-ups breaking rules.
Sheldon: What'd they do?
George Sr.: I-It's kind of complicated, but football coaches aren't allowed to recruit kids from other high schools to play on their teams.
Sheldon: And you told on them?
George Sr.: Yeah. You know what happened?
Sheldon: Justice descended on the rule breakers?

George Sr.: You're not gonna make it in this school if you keep ratting people out.
Sheldon: But they were breaking the grooming codes and the dress codes. I saw one boy with a t-shirt that said... [leans in and whispers] "Bite me".
George Sr.: Yeah, that's terrible. [Sheldon nods]

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Missy: Why can't we watch Duck Tales?
Sheldon: Because we don't learn anything.
Missy: It's TV! We aren't supposed to learn.

Mary: How about we lose the bow-tie?
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Look around, honey. No of the other kids are wearing one.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps I'll start a fad.

Pastor: In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said, "Why would you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"
Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Mary: Ssh.
Sheldon: I just don't think this part applies to me.
Mary: That's fine. Be quiet and listen.
Sheldon: I'm only nine years old. Most evil doesn't start till puberty.

Sheldon: Per the student dress and grooming code, this boy's hair is too long. This boy's wearing sports attire outside a designated area. And this girl's blouse is diaphanous, which means I can see her brassiere.

Sheldon: Hey, mom, look. That girl's pregnant.
Mary: Congratulations.

Sheldon: [observing the older kids outside the high school] Oh dear.

Mary: Lord, look after my son. Don't let him get stuffed in a gym bag.

Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

Adult Sheldon: Jane Goodall had to go to Africa to study apes. I just had to go to dinner.

Sheldon: Good luck with your finger painting.
Missy: You're gonna get your ass kicked in high school.
Mary: (flicks Missy on the head) Hey!

Missy: All I know is, he's not in the same grade as me any more. And I'm thrilled.

Mary: Everybody excited to start school Monday?
Sheldon: I am.
Missy: I guess so.
Mary: Georgie? Freshman year, that's a big deal.
George Jr.: How can I be excited when he's gonna be in the same grade as me?
Sheldon: Don't worry, Georgie. I'm not planning on being in the ninth grade for very long.

Sheldon: Georgie, did you wash your hands before dinner? Or even this week?
George Jr.: None of your business.
Sheldon: Hence the mittens.

Mary: That's enough. Now, let's pray.
Sheldon: A moment please.
George Sr.: Hmm.
Mary: Leave him be.
George Sr.: He can hold hands with his family. It won't kill him.
Sheldon: We don't know that.

Sheldon: I was exploring dimensional kinematics.
George Jr.: Admit it. He's adopted.
Sheldon: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.