Popular Quotes
Quote from the episode White Trash, Holy Rollers and Punching People
George Jr.: You can't go around hitting people.
Missy: I had to do something.
Sheldon: Me too.
Missy: What did you do?
Sheldon: I ran and told the nearest adult.
George Jr.: I don't want you getting in trouble for me.
Missy: But Danny says you're going to hell.
George Jr.: I'm there now. Promise me.
Missy: Fine.
George Jr.: And I know you ain't hitting nobody.
Sheldon: You are correct, sir.
Quote from the episode Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero
Sheldon: I did read a chapter on repressing emotions. I suppose I could've been doing that to avoid dealing with the fear of change, and moving would certainly be a big change.
Meemaw: That's very astute.
Sheldon: I'd have a new room, in a new house, and the new house would probably have a different smell, and I probably wouldn't like that smell because I don't like new smells, and I'd be going to a new school with new kids and new teachers, and I bet they'd all smell different, as well.
Meemaw: Okay, now calm down.
Sheldon: That's easy for you to say. Your olfactory senses aren't about to be assaulted by the state of Oklahoma.
Quote from the episode White Trash, Holy Rollers and Punching People
Mandy: So, you really think my folks'll come around?
Meemaw: I don't know 'em, but babies have a magical power over people, especially grandparents.
Mandy: Is that how you felt when Georgie was born?
Meemaw: Oh, it was love at first sight.
Mandy: And then 17 years later he got me pregnant.
Meemaw: You're not gonna let that go, are you?
Mandy: Nope.
Meemaw: Hmm.
Quote from the episode A Live Chicken, a Fried Chicken and Holy Matrimony
Meemaw: Come on, and bring that bucket of chicken out of there.
Missy: [o.s.] No, we're not eating it. What if it was Matilda's friend?
Meemaw: Honey, that one's from Kentucky. They didn't know each other.
Quote from the episode Training Wheels and an Unleashed Chicken
Sheldon: Johannes Diderik van der Waals. Nils Gustaf Dalén. Heike Kamerlingh Onnes.
Missy: What are you going?
Sheldon: Listing Nobel Prize winners in physics.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: To keep me from cracking this cast like a coconut and scratching my skin off.
Quote from the episode A Black Hole
Meemaw: Wait, what's an "event horizon"?
Sheldon: It just means the edge.
Meemaw: Why not say "the edge"?
George Jr.: The guitar player for U is called the Edge.
George Sr.: What does that have to do with anything?
George Jr.: I'm participating in the conversation. You're just sitting there like a lump.
Meemaw: [snorts] "Lump."
Sheldon: Anyway, ordinarily, the particles would collide and destroy each other.
Dr. John Sturgis: But in this instance, they could exist simultaneously.
George Sr.: And what is the significance of that? [to Georgie] I can participate, smart-ass.
George Jr.: Good job, lump.
Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship
George Jr.: How do relationships work for old people? When you were young, you didn't think old women looked hot. But now that you're old, do you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, that's a very interesting question.
Mary: Can I speak to you in the kitchen?
George Sr.: I want to hear the answer.
Dr. John Sturgis: I've always found your grandmother to be very hot stuff.
George Sr.: All right, let's go.
George Jr.: But you can see her wrinkles, right?
Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship
Ira Rosenbloom: I got to tell you, this is an unexpected surprise.
Meemaw: Here's to surprises.
Ira Rosenbloom: 'Cause last I heard, you and John were still going out.
Meemaw: Well, now I'm not, and I'm here with you, so let's not talk about him.
Ira Rosenbloom: Ooh. Sounds like this breakup is a little fresh.
Meemaw: Yeah, it was pretty recent.
Ira Rosenbloom: What, like, a week? Month?
Meemaw: Literally as I was calling you.
Ira Rosenbloom: Well, I'm glad that I was the first person that came to mind.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Actually, you were his idea.
Ira Rosenbloom: Still glad.
Quote from the episode Training Wheels and an Unleashed Chicken
Adult Sheldon: The next day, I got my cast off. In a world where I valued symmetry,
I was relieved to see that both my arms were as pale and skinny as ever. But this Texan had unfinished business to tend to.
Missy: Want me to get you started?
Sheldon: No, I can do it.
Adult Sheldon: And I did do it. I rode my bike without training wheels like an adult. It would take more than a chicken or the threat of a fractured bone to scare me. It would take a brown beast named Scraps. [dog barks]
Sheldon: Aah! Mommy?!
Adult Sheldon: I rode my bike 11 miles that day.
Sheldon: Mommy!
Quote from the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens
Mary: Thank you, Lord, for this little boy.
Sheldon: I knew I could fix it.
Mary: [LAUGHS] Maybe it was you and the Lord.
Adult Sheldon: I don't like sharing credit, but I knew in that moment it wasn't the appropriate time to say it.
Quote from the episode A Crisis of Faith and Octopus Aliens
Pastor Jeff:And Jacob said: "For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved."
Sheldon: Is this an appropriate time to mention that John 1:18 says, "No man hath seen God at any time." Who's right? Jacob or John?
Mary: Let's talk about it in the car.
[Meemaw raises her hand]
Pastor Jeff: Yes, Connie?
Meemaw: My grandson has a question. Let 'er rip, kid.
Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce
Sheldon: "If you were not covered by a retirement plan, but your spouse was, see the worksheet on page 14." Try and stop me.
Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce
Mary: I've been buying groceries for the church food drive. I think that's it.
Sheldon: Ooh, I bet I could write that off, including the gas it took to drive to the grocery store and then to the church.
George Sr.: With all that driving, maybe she can count her car as a home office.
Sheldon: Sounds aggressive, but I like how you're thinking.
Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce
Sheldon: I balanced the rest of the account, and it appears to be a check for $300.
George Sr.: All right, well, let's just put it down for $300 for miscellaneous.
Sheldon: I've never labeled anything miscellaneous in my life.
Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce
George Sr.: What do you say we keep this quiet?
Sheldon: You mean like a secret?
George Sr.: No, no, just, you know, something between you and me.
Sheldon: What about Mom?
George Sr.: Mom is on a need-to-know basis.
Sheldon: What if Mom needs to know?
George Sr.: Okay, it's a secret. Just trust me. It is better for everyone if she doesn't know about this.
Sheldon: But I'm not good at keeping secrets.
George Sr.: It's not hard. Just keep your mouth shut.
Sheldon: But I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut.
Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce
Adult Sheldon: There was only so much food I could eat, so I started avoiding my mother whenever possible.
George Sr.: [OPENING A CUPBOARD AND FINDING SHELDON] What are you doing in there?
Sheldon: [WHISPERING] Keeping your secret.
George Sr.: You got to pull it together.
Sheldon: This is me pulling it together.
George Sr.: Pull harder.
Quote from the episode An Introduction to Engineering and a Glob of Hair Gel
George Jr.: See, number one is also pretty funny, 'cause it means taking a leak. [Mary sighs]
Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce
George Sr.: Why don't we just come clean?
Meemaw: All right, sure, we could do that. You could rat me out to Mary and I could tell her what you did at the church picnic.
George Sr.: Come on. Now you're just playing dirty.
Meemaw: We sink or swim together, George. We sink or swim together.
George Sr.: Grandmas are supposed to be nice. What went wrong with you?
Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce
Adult Sheldon: Avoiding my mother in our own house was proving to be difficult, so it was time to get creative.
Sheldon: Hello. I'd like to book a room in your hotel. I'd be arriving tonight. No, it's just me. Ooh, a queen bed, that sounds fancy. And how much would this room cost? Wow. Is that per month? Per day? By any chance, do you have a children's rate?
Quote from the episode A Financial Secret and Fish Sauce
George Sr.: So your first sleepover. Pretty exciting, huh?
Sheldon: No. It's not exciting, it's constipating, and I'm only doing it to avoid Mom.