Sheldon: I also tried to get some uranium and build an atomic engine, but that stuff's hard to find.
Tam: Probably for the best.

Tam: You know, sometimes you sound like a super villain.
Sheldon: Silence!
Tam: That'll be more effective after your voice changes.
Sheldon: [SIGHS] [IN DEEP VOICE]: Silence.

Sheldon: Would you like to join me in my shenanigans?
Tam: No, thanks.
Sheldon: Aren't you concerned about being a maladjusted adult?
Tam: Nah. I'll just marry an American woman and hope she can fix me.

Tam: So you're hoping to create an army of super-intelligent children who will do your bidding?
Sheldon: In a perfect world, yes.
Tam: You should spend more time with my mother. That's her goal, too.

Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Tam: What?
Sheldon: Paige was right. "There's ample evidence to indicate that a stunted childhood can cause one to be maladjusted as an adult."
Tam: Then I'm screwed.
Sheldon: What do you mean?
Tam: When I'm not in school, I'm doing homework. When I'm not doing homework, I'm practicing my cello. And when I'm not doing that, I'm working in my parents' store.
Sheldon: That must be why we're friends. We're both stunted.
Tam: Sounds right.

Sheldon: So why did it take people so long to believe in continental drift, when it's obvious that Africa and South America fit together like a puzzle?
Tam: No, they don't.
Libby: People didn't understand continental drift because they didn't understand sea floor spreading. ... What?
Sheldon: I'm both threatened and delighted by your brain.
Tam: I'm just delighted by it. [looking at a globe] They do fit. That's nuts.

Sheldon: Uh-oh.
Tam: What's the matter?
Sheldon: Something's wrong with my sandwich.
Tam: Did it go bad?
Sheldon: No. It just tastes different.
Tam: If you don't want it, I'll trade you for my dumplings.
Sheldon: I'm already unhappy. Do you really think dumplings will fix the problem?
Tam: It'll fix my problem. I'm sick of dumplings.

Tam: Look, you made my mom's note.
Sheldon: "Don't talk to Sheldon. Mom." That's fine. I usually do most of the talking.
Tam: Yes, you do.

Tam: What's the matter?
Sheldon: I-I don't think I can eat this.
Tam: You want to trade? My mom made me fish soup again. How long do we have to be in this country before I get baloney?

Sheldon: Tam, I need help navigating a social situation.
Tam: I'm eating lunch with you. You think I have the answer?
Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter invited me to a lecture on robotics, but my meemaw said he's only doing it to spend time with her.
Tam: Are you asking if men do sketchy things to get dates?
Sheldon: Yes.
Tam: Well, then, I can help you. Absolutely. Last week, I told Jessica Geiger I was an extra in Karate Kid Part II.
Sheldon: Did it work?
Tam: Again, I'm having lunch with you.

Tam: Why are you reading about property code?
Sheldon: The house next door to mine is for sale, and I'm looking for ways to control who moves in there.
Tam: When my family moved to Texas, they burned our fishing boat.
Sheldon: Tam, we're talking about my problems right now.
Tam: We usually are.

Libby: Yeah. Maybe I'll see y'all tomorrow.
Tam: Right. Maybe y'all will.
Sheldon: Bye, Libby. [to Tam] "Y'all"?
Tam: I'm assimilating. Shut up.

Sheldon: Tam, you're Catholic, right?
Tam: Yes.
Sheldon: Explain it to me.
Tam: Explain what?
Sheldon: Well, for starters, who do you pray to?
Tam: I guess, Jesus, God and Mary.
Sheldon: Jesus isn't God?
Tam: No, he's his son. But you do eat him, and drink his blood. Oh, there's also a ghost, but not the scary kind.
Sheldon: Like Casper?
Tam: Exactly.
Sheldon: And how does the pope work?
Tam: Well, the pope lives in Italy. He has a special car, and a big pointy hat. It's a wonderful hat.
Sheldon: And is there anything else I should know about?
Tam: Every once in a while, you have to confess your sins to a priest.
Sheldon: Not me, I don't have any sins.
Tam: Then you have the sin of pride.
Sheldon: Your religion is making me feel bad.
Tam: That's how you know it's working.

Libby: What about you?
Tam: Oh, geology for sure.
Libby: Hmm.
Sheldon: Really? When did you decide that?
Tam: A long time ago. Eat your apple slices. [turns back to Libby and smiles]

Tam: Spending the Thanksgiving weekend working in my family's convenience store, I observed my father and mother working from 6:00 in the morning till 10:00 at night. My hypothesis was that economic advancement for immigrant families is more important than celebrating a holiday where people eat until they pass out in front of the TV.
Mr. Givens: All right, Tam. Well, based on your observations and hypothesis, were you able to make a prediction?
Tam: Yes. At some point, my father would die prematurely from stress. And my mother will come live with me, where she will constantly disapprove of my hot, blonde, American wife.
Mr. Givens: Okay. Uh, I think we all learned something there. Uh, thank you, Tam.

Tam: Hey, I've been looking all over for you. Do you know how popular we are?
Sheldon: We?
Tam: Yeah. I put the word out I was helping you with the football stats. And since I'm Asian, they bought it.

Tam: Look at this, my mother left me a note. "You can do better. Mom." Not "Love, Mom," not "XO, Mom," just "Mom."

Mary: You smoke marijuana?
Sheldon: Mom!
Libby: No, ma'am.
Tam: Just say no. [Mary shoots him an unimpressed look]