Sheldon Quotes

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Sheldon: Hello, George.
George Sr.: What?
Sheldon: I do admire your thick head of hair George.
George Sr.: Thanks. What's going on?
Sheldon: Well, I'm practicing the principles in this book.
George Sr.: Why?
Sheldon: Well, I know Mom is concerned that I don't have any friends, so I'm determined to remedy the situation.
George Sr.: Oh.
Sheldon: George.
George Sr.: Well, good for you.
Sheldon: Do you feel complimented when I say your name, George? The book says you should. George.
George Sr.: I suppose. Kind of overdoing it a little, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Well, thank you for your criticism. It also says I should praise any improvements that you've made.
George Sr.: Okay.
Sheldon: I'll get back to you. George.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Sheldon: Go Wolves.
Lisa May: What?
Sheldon: You're a cheerleader, and by saying "Go Wolves," I'm initiating a conversation about something that interests you.
Lisa May: Oh, are you one of those special ed kids?
Sheldon: My mom says I'm special. Would you like to be friends?
Lisa May: I don't think so.
Sheldon: Are you sure? What if I told you I admired your boldly-applied makeup?

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Sheldon: Greetings from stall number one. As much as I detest that odd-smelling cigarette, I do applaud your rule-breaking bravado. My name is Sheldon. What's yours?

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Sheldon: Hello, gentlemen. Did you watch any sports programs over the weekend? That's what I like about Or perhaps did some kissing with girls? Can you hear me?

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Ms. Hutchins: Hey there, Sheldon. What can I get for you today? Chemistry? Quantum mechanics? Astronomy?
Sheldon: No, nothing fun today. I need to learn how to make a friend.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Ms. Hutchins: Aw, honey, you having a hard time adjusting to high school?
Sheldon: I'm having a hard time adjusting to Earth.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: You know what I find comforting?
Mary: What's that, baby?
Sheldon: In a world filled with uncertainty, this place will be here forever.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Ms. MacElroy: What?
Sheldon: Also in violation of the grooming code on page 48, article five, subsection B, you have a bit of a mustache.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Ms. Fenley: Do you know this sonata?
Sheldon: No.
Ms. Fenley: How long have you played the piano?
Sheldon: I don't play piano.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Ms. Fenley: You have perfect pitch.
Sheldon: Okay.
Ms. Fenley: Sweetheart, you should really pursue music.
Sheldon: No, thank you. Musicians take drugs. Is there a faculty restroom I could use?

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: [emerging from the boys' room] Well, that was revolting.
Mary: [arriving at Sheldon's homeroom] All right. This is your homeroom. Do you want me to go in with you?
Sheldon: No. Although I could've used you in the restroom.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Okay. Let the learning begin.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Would you like to play a driving game?
Mary: Not really. I always lose.
Sheldon: I know. That's why it's fun.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: That boy has an exposed tattoo.
Mary: He does.
Sheldon: I wonder if he knows that's in violation of the dress code.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: I smell ammonia. They must've done a thorough cleaning recently. I like that.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: Shelly, it's your last day of summer. Go out and enjoy it.
Sheldon: But I have to learn the student handbook. Ooh, did you know extreme hairstyles, goatees and mustaches are not allowed?
Mary: I didn't.
Sheldon: I personally find that very reassuring.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: Go play.
Sheldon: "Go play" if only life were that simple.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Billy Sparks: Hey, Sheldon!
Sheldon: Hello, Billy Sparks. Hello, Matilda Sparks.
Billy Sparks: I heard you're going to high school tomorrow.
Sheldon: I am. You're going to have to find someone else to torment on the playground.
Billy Sparks: "Torment"?
Sheldon: (sighs) It means to maliciously harass.
Billy Sparks: "Her ass"? (chuckles) That's funny.
Sheldon: Well, this was nice.
Billy Sparks: [holds chicken close to Sheldon's face] Hey, doofus! (squawks)
Sheldon: Mom!

Quote from the episode Pilot

Missy: She's lying. She just said that to make you feel better. Mom doesn't lie.
Sheldon: Sure, she thinks the Earth was made in six days, but that's 'cause she's gullible, not a liar.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: Shelly, you don't really need a tie.
Sheldon: I have to find my tie. I have to find my tie.
Mary: Be right back.
Sheldon: Professor Proton wears a bow-tie!